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Buddy:-)

How do I do it(help)

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Buddy:-)

Ok so I have been struggling with my identity recently and I have been constantly trying to figure out who I am. After a lot of thinking and self-discovery I have come to a 99% solid conclusion that I am a Homoromantic Asexual. 

Now my big problem is that if I was just gay I could come out a lot easier. I feel confident to tell my two closest friends but I don't know how. I never have a moment alone with both of them to have a serious conversation but I also don't know exactly how they'll react. I am pretty sure they'll be supportive but I just really don't know what to say or when to do it. 

Really anything will help me I just want to tell them but don't know how. Please and thank you.

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Drunk&Confused

This probably isn’t super helpful as I have never told anyone as of yet, but just be honest with them and sincere. Ask to chat with them alone for a min. I would also explain about asexuality a bit as people have a lot of misconceptions.  If they are true friends they should accept and support you! Good luck! 

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Auld_Mulk

Greetings, welcome to AVEN.  You will find your welcome basket overflowing with the standard confusion felt by all of us here waiting for you at each login.

 

First, and in all seriousness, only come out if you are safe in you circumstances to come out, and that by coming out does not put that safety in jeopardy.  People can overlook this in an effort just to be understood without considering the consequences.  Be safe. 

 

If your friends are unfamiliar with the terms asexuality and/or homoromantic, prepare yourself to explain.  AVEN is great for that.  You might have to field basic or even strange questions.  I am not convinced that coming out as asexual is more difficult than homosexual, just different because you have to explain the split model of orientation/sexuality.  You may wish to approach these separately. 

 

You should examine your own expectations in coming out to your friends.  We all want to be excepted for who we really are.  Your friends hopefully (and by your confidence in them) should simply react as "Okay, cool.  What are we doing later then?".  That reaction though ideal, tends to be anti-climatic and may seem as a bit of a brush-off.  You are revealing an important part of who you are to them, however would you want your friends to react differently.  You are still you to them.

 

Invite your friends to tea (or cake, whatever), plan the conversation to be along with or inserted into other casual socializing.  Pick maybe a comfortable hangout you frequent regularly, not too busy or loud.  Keep the tone light and the details brief and move on.  Leave them with an open invitation to come back to the subject later. 

 

I have mentioned much of these ideas to another who like yourself, recently joined AVEN and felt that coming out was important.  I came out however only to very few people that I felt they should know for their piece of mind.  I told my Ex, my adult daughter and a couple friends I have known for years (even before knowing my own asexuality).  This step to confide in these trusted few took a long time after I accepted my ace-ness. 

 

I am going to end by saying it again.  Be safe first.  Good luck.

 

 

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Moonman

Friends don’t need to know what it is that you want from a relationship. That’s all it ultimately boils down to. If you feel like them knowing is important, then talk of previous experiences. Tell them that you’ve always been interested in other things. But I don’t really encourage people to “come out” unless it feels right and in my experience, when it feels right, it just happens and it doesn’t need to be questioned like this.

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Homer

Is there a particular reason or has there been a particular event that made you want to "come out"? That might be a good starting point. "Remember when we did XYZ the other day? The reason I said/did ABC was that I feel [this and that] about [subject]." That way you'd have people on the same page, thinking of a situation they've all witnessed and maybe thinking back to what you said/did gives them some kind of lightbulb moment.

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