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rivianmage

25 and feel ashamed

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Jade Cross
5 hours ago, CBC said:

Then I don't know the answer to that either. I don't recall feeling like I was being shamed for being a virgin at 14. Most people I knew were also virgins.

I dont know about others but Im more than twice the age of a teen and I still get the shaming comments thrown if someone suspects me of being a virgin, which is why I try to get away as quickly as possible from any sex talks irl amd should I give any answers, I make them as vague as possible so that people cant pin on anything.  

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rivianmage

Hi again! Sorry I've been absent from this post for a few days, but reading your messages has made me smile 😊

 

In terms of the being a virgin at 14, let's put it this way: I teach in a secondary school in the UK (high school) and one of my Year 9 students (so 13/14) had a pregnancy scare in Year 7, when they were 11/12...

 

It depends on area and surroundings, but yeah. It's happening.

 

@Moderne Jazzhanden it's not a case of having repressed anything. That's a really damaging thing to say, especially on an asexuality forum??? Implying that ace people are repressed? It's a case of that society is incredibly geared towards sex (I mean, Love Island, Naked Attraction, and Take Me Out are literally based on finding someone to have sex with) and if you're not having sex at the legal age, or even before, it's seen as abnormal in society.

 

That's why I feel ashamed.

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CBC
30 minutes ago, rivianmage said:

I teach in a secondary school in the UK (high school) and one of my Year 9 students (so 13/14) had a pregnancy scare in Year 7, when they were 11/12...

Christ. When I was 11/12, I was swimming in the creek with my best friend and making up imaginary countries.

 

I guess it takes all sorts, as they say. That person is still an exception to the majority for sure, though.

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Moderne Jazzhanden
18 hours ago, rivianmage said:

Hi again! Sorry I've been absent from this post for a few days, but reading your messages has made me smile 😊

 

@Moderne Jazzhanden it's not a case of having repressed anything. That's a really damaging thing to say, especially on an asexuality forum??? Implying that ace people are repressed? It's a case of that society is incredibly geared towards sex (I mean, Love Island, Naked Attraction, and Take Me Out are literally based on finding someone to have sex with) and if you're not having sex at the legal age, or even before, it's seen as abnormal in society.

 

That's why I feel ashamed.

I did not suggest above that aces per se are repressed, I suggested that you seem to have repressed something. 

 

I don't think you would feel ashamed in the face of 'a society geared to sex' unless you had repressed something. 

 

Your reaction of feeling ashamed seems to me extraordinary. I can see why you might feel intimidated or frustrated or irritated or just bored by society's constant fixation with trying normalise the idea that almost everyone - even if under age - should be having sex all the time. But to me feeling ashamed would seem to indicate that you might well have internalised something that others haven't. 

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KathyHoh
On 2/14/2020 at 12:12 PM, Eutierria said:

Have you heard of Brene Brown? Look up their work on shame resilience. It might help you shift some unhelpful thought patterns. 

 

Do what feels right for you. Some cultures contribute to older virgins feeling shame & some cultures contribute towards slut-shaming if individuals start to experiment as teenagers or not "save themselves for marriage". There really is no "right way". 

 

This kind of stuff can take a long time to figure out. Don't feel like you have to rush it. Good luck! 🍰

Even the cultures who support virginity until marriage shame someone for being too old to stay single. 

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