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Burnt_Ramen

Scared of being alone

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Burnt_Ramen

I'm afraid that I will never have a set in stone significant other due to the fact that I'm asexual. Everyone I have ever been in a relationship with has always told me that they eventually do want sex, and when I tell them I'm uncomfortable with that and it's not something I want, they leave. It's hard to find other asexuals and I'm just afraid that I'll either be alone or that my significant other will be unhappy, which I don't want either. Anyone else kinda in the same boat?

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TyraP

I can’t say that I’m completely in the same situation as I have never been in a relationship before, but I can at least relate to the feeling of being alone the rest of my life. As of right now, I don’t think I could compromise on having sex, and reading the forums from the “for sexuals and others” section, while insightful, has led me to think it would only be possible to be with another asexual for fear of hurting myself and the other person in the relationship unintentionally. So I definitely feel you on that one 

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flacomedicen

It's difficult that people comprehend asexuality. It's a cultural thing. We (people in general) have been educated as hypersexualized people. Fortunately you still can have friends whom you have support, confidence and intimacy, the things we just look on a partner. Maybe one of those friends could become a partner after knowing each other for years, that happens frequently. Be patiente and remember you can to look for support on your friends and here on AVEN :)

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Silence4now

The only piece of advice I can offer is not to go against whatever you feel is right for you. At the very least you will appreciate not losing yourself in someone else's plan. Maybe you could build a group of people that support you at the times you feel alone. Aven has certainly been a piece of that for me. Good to try and build stability early. It is not as easy if you have a crisis on your hands and you're alone. Your concern is not uncommon at all. :cake:

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Hepalien

Ya I mean in a similar aspect. I’ve never managed a long term relationship (due to me usually breaking it off). But I am afraid to get in a relationship because of that talk. And like its terrifying that I don’t know if I would be confident enough to tell someone I care for that I couldn’t compromise on sex. In the end I might just do it for them when I know I don’t want that. 
 

dating is rough. 😬

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gabriele

I have never been in a relationship, but I still can relate to you. I'm afraid of living my whole life without finding my significant other. It doesn't really help that I'm very much a romantic person and I really do want to have that romantic connection with someone. Just yesterday I felt really alone and all I wanted was someone close to me that I could talk to. Right now I'd like to think I came to terms with my asexuality, but at the very start it was really hard because of the fact that I knew it will make things worse in that regard. For me at the moment it feels like I will never find someone and will have to deal with this fear of being alone. But it helps a little bit to see that I'm not alone in this. 

 

But welcome to AVEN! 🍰 I hope you like it here. I'm always up for a chat!

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gisiebob

it's ok to be afraid. it makes sense, it's not irrational. there are very few people who are going to be comfortable with what you are comfortable with on this one thing, and a lot of people are going to say that's a very important thing. the rest of the world that you haven't met or asked about this, like imagining you went on a first date with everyone, ok thats too much. obviously you can cut everyone who doesn't want to date an asexual. and everyone who doesn't speak languages you do. and everyone who isn't in a country you can't get to.

 

um, ok, out of that group lets take an arbitrary 500 people closest to you, 'cause that's a population that's near the top of what our brains can process (like being able to categorize all them pokemon)
in those 500 folk there is no guarantee you find someone with common ground where person A and person B agree they can build together. it might be a grim prognosis for you. maybe you have a lucky break. maybe person number 462 is the person for you, and you gotta slog through all the rest first. maybe it's number 508.

fear is valid. but what do you do with that fear? a stupid saying about bravery is that it is not a state of fearlessness, but rather compelling yourself through adversity in spite of fear that you very much have. I dunno. I wish I could promise you success, that there was a secret cheat code, but the only thing I can promise with near certainty is failure. bulbasaur is not your pokemon. but also that failure does not preclude success. it means wounds, yes. this is a journey that is probably going to hurt. but you can stand back up, you can heal. I can too. I think this is something that even though it might be painful, it is worth it.

good luck.

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GreyOwl79

I was just talking to someone today about this. I'm actually pretty lonely at the moment, and I haven't dated anyone since I was 23 (I'm 40), and that only lasted a month because... well, long story. I've avoided trying to create a relationship simply because I want to avoid the sex part of it. I'd like someone in my life, but most of the people I meet want sex and pretty early on in the relationship. 

 

My fear is that my family is minuscule and older, and when they're gone I'm alone. It scares me to not have anyone at all. 

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Silence4now
15 minutes ago, GreyOwl79 said:

I was just talking to someone today about this. I'm actually pretty lonely at the moment, and I haven't dated anyone since I was 23 (I'm 40), and that only lasted a month because... well, long story. I've avoided trying to create a relationship simply because I want to avoid the sex part of it. I'd like someone in my life, but most of the people I meet want sex and pretty early on in the relationship. 

 

My fear is that my family is minuscule and older, and when they're gone I'm alone. It scares me to not have anyone at all. 

I am right there too. 

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