lookatthefireworks Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 I wonder if other asexual people have the same struggle. I'm not out as asexual(just to three friends) and games like 'never have i ever' and 'most likely to' are a nightmare. I have never done anything sexual and I don't want to and that doesn't seem to be acceptable. Not having any sexual experiences is looked down upon and 'who's most likely to' always ends up being really invalidating and people laughing at me. Do other ace people have similar experiences? Link to post Share on other sites
Sniveon Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 I have been involved in those types of games and it always end up in people just competing against each other to see who can make me drink. I can't ralate to most of the stuff but it's fun to see people trying to guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Denim Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 Can't really help you. Being a definition of an introvert has it's benefits. But for reals now; are you playing it with the friends you are out to or other people also? Because, if it's only the friends you outed yourself to, it's a bit rude of them to treat you that way. Being shamed for being a virgin and/or not wanting sex is something I do experience, but I have this defence mechanism of a "f#?@ you persona" that I change into when around bigots which usually makes them stop. Link to post Share on other sites
Zagadka Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 The number of times I've faked interest at a group thing is astounding. It is far easier than explaining things or expecting anyone to understand. Haven't had t o deal with that kind of situation in years though. Link to post Share on other sites
lookatthefireworks Posted February 8, 2020 Author Share Posted February 8, 2020 11 minutes ago, Denim said: Can't really help you. Being a definition of an introvert has it's benefits. But for reals now; are you playing it with the friends you are out to or other people also? Because, if it's only the friends you outed yourself to, it's a bit rude of them to treat you that way. Being shamed for being a virgin and/or not wanting sex is something I do experience, but I have this defence mechanism of a "f#?@ you persona" that I change into when around bigots which usually makes them stop. It's usually friends who im not out to, but who know ive had no sexual experience and occasionally a friend i'm out to, which is indeed quite shitty, to use it against me. Unfortunatly i'm way to socially anxious to tell them to shut the f up Link to post Share on other sites
Eutierria Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 When I was in uni & people living in the same block got together to play 'spin the bottle', I would opt-out & would over-research for an essay than kiss randoms. Never understood the appeal of that game. Link to post Share on other sites
Erin. Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 I have also played those games with friends and I always end up the least experienced one. I never made anything up or played along with it, so the others just thought I was lying. I wasn't out to them when we played. Them laughing at you and using it against you isn't healthy. 30 minutes ago, lookatthefireworks said: Unfortunatly i'm way to socially anxious to tell them to shut the f up You don't necessarily need to tell them that instantly. If they are able to listen, you should try to communicate your feelings. You just have to hope they are open and adaptable to change. Link to post Share on other sites
Tayumari Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 I don't understand the appeal of this game as a ''sexual competition''. I've played this game as a way to show the weird shit we've done and that's much more hilarious than trying to show how much sex you've done. Like, come on, my roomate tells me about his weird sex thing all the time. It's nothing worth making a whole game over. Where is my ''never have I ever eaten moldy food?'' or some shit like that. At least you've got to explain yourself. How do you explain having sex other than ''well we had sex'' lol. But yeah I'm always kind of terrified that these games turn into sex competition and me not having anything to say. I don't like people assuming I'm a prude because I don't want to do this kind of stuff, and those games, since no explanations are added, will most likely circle you as one. I'd suggest to you to not play with them if it makes you uncomfortable. And if they're being dicks about it, well, clearly they're not worth your time. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 Never have I ever was always a boring game for me; until recently I'd never done anything "dodgy", I've never had sex and had only one purely romantic relationship. Luckily my friend group know that, so we always play Cards Against Humanity instead (which I am good at, because I'm a sick fucker ). Link to post Share on other sites
Alejandrogynous Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 Never have I ever was always a weird one for me, I could almost guarantee I'm kinkier than 90% of the people I've ever played with but "never have I ever had car sex" or equally 'scandalous' scenarios would still have me drinking. It always made me out to seem naive and inexperienced which isn't true (not that there's anything wrong with being those things), it's just my experience is in a different realm than the things usually called out in party games. So yeah, kind of awkward. Link to post Share on other sites
VibeN Posted February 9, 2020 Share Posted February 9, 2020 I've never had problems with party games because of my ace-ness (at least I don't think I have) The questions don't have to be about with sex, and if they were, I would be able to say "I haven't" to most of them I have however had trouble with party games because I don't drink Link to post Share on other sites
ColeHW34 Posted February 14, 2020 Share Posted February 14, 2020 I've never had problems with party games because I'm never invited to parties for family or friends. Just how it is. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 Although I've never been at an event where the game got to this point, the drinking thing would definitely leave me out because I've never drank in my life (not even samples) and intend to die without having had any ethanol (from alcoholic beverages) pass through my system. As for the sexual experience part, I would tell the people I was with that I'm ace and that I don't care if they think I'm lame for it. Then again, if these hypothetical people actually thought I was lame for not having any sexual attraction/experience, I probably wouldn't want to hang out with them again. Link to post Share on other sites
danimal508 Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 I've never had to worry about this. The party games my friends and i usually play if we do games is either Cards Against Humanity, board games, or one of the Jack in the box game packs on Xbox. Although, for the most part it was always me and two of my friends getting together and making up our own games on Halo. We haven't really been able to get together as much as we use to. Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 consider what the purpose of these games are, why when we get together in groups the group thinks of them as an excellent thing to do. it's all about social reinforcement of something we are taught to be uncomfortable talking about straight out. so yeah, most people here aren't going to see the point of these things, because we don't have any sexual communication we need to express. and yeah, because you aren't nodding along with the rest of the group it can be easy to single you out, so I would consider good ways to avoid 'playing' party games Link to post Share on other sites
Astrobot Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 I have played party games like "Never have I ever" in the past (only a couple of times though). Sometimes I opt out but other times I'm too tipsy to care. Usually, I'm not the only inexperienced person participating so that helps. A lot of questions are not necessarily about sex and I often encourage people to make questions about other things when playing such games. This actually makes it better as people are less likely to feel left out. They also learn more interesting and useful facts about their friends. Link to post Share on other sites
TakkyTakk Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 It's all based on how comfortable you are sharing. if you're not out and you don't feel now is the time you want to disclose, you either don't participate or tell some white lies. I remember being at a friends house, late teens early twenties, and we were playing never have a i ever. I was pretty open with my friends and though I didn't identify with being asexual at the time I was open about being a virgin. I'd laugh and come up with an excuse as to why, or sometimes I didn't even defend myself. yeah, I'm a virgin, so what? Now compare that to when I was in college with people I wasn't as close with, me feeling more down and confused about myself because I still couldn't/wouldn't date anyone (still be a few more years before i truly understood what asexuality was). I was fine with joking around and telling some white lies because I knew that I wouldn't be seeing/hanging out with these people a whole lot? I also liked to put up a wall of sexual confidence because I was aware of my lack of experience and I didn't want to fall prey to anyone. go at your own pace, don't do anything that feels difficult to you. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkStormyKnight Posted February 18, 2020 Share Posted February 18, 2020 Can't stand "never have I ever" I always ended up being the last one with fingers since I don't do much. Although since I've come out I've been much more comfortable complaining whenever someone brings it up haha. Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted February 19, 2020 Share Posted February 19, 2020 Only party games I’m interested in is Mario Party with friends, or any 4 player split screen classic style 😛 Link to post Share on other sites
ben8884 Posted February 19, 2020 Share Posted February 19, 2020 Never have I ever is interesting because in terms of sex stuff I can usually win having well, never done anything in terms of sex with another person. That being said on the rare occasions I have played I make it non sexual. I don't drink so for the most part drinking games are out unless they are cool with me drinking soft drinks. Link to post Share on other sites
TheCatBehind Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 I was lucky enough to not have pricks while playing 'never have I ever' the few times I have. Though the proposal of playing it always makes me anxiety sweat. There are some other party games that are specific to my student org that I can play but don't particularly enjoy, as they bore me and I think it's because I'm ace lol But yeah, I get stressed whenever sex-related party games come up, but usually I don't get ridiculed or otherwise made to feel bad about myself. Also I am not against cheating and lying lol Link to post Share on other sites
helana12_03 Posted February 20, 2020 Share Posted February 20, 2020 On 2/8/2020 at 4:21 PM, lookatthefireworks said: I wonder if other asexual people have the same struggle. I'm not out as asexual(just to three friends) and games like 'never have i ever' and 'most likely to' are a nightmare. I have never done anything sexual and I don't want to and that doesn't seem to be acceptable. Not having any sexual experiences is looked down upon and 'who's most likely to' always ends up being really invalidating and people laughing at me. Do other ace people have similar experiences? I've played those games before. For me it depends on the people I'm hanging out with. If their super sexual/unlikely to accept my asexuality I make it seem like I've done a lot more than I actually have. I don't lie, just bend the truth a little bit. I basically talk about things I have actually done and simply don't tell the full story (e.g. I spent the night but then I never tell them that we never had sex). I don't do this when I'm around asexual friendly people. Link to post Share on other sites
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