Confused About Queer Identity

[will123]

Today I saw an item on the 'net about actress Jameela Jamil coming out as queer. You'll have to excuse my bewilderment, but why would a person identify as such and not homo- or bisexual (for example)? To me it seems like a very vague way to describe oneself, or is that the intent?

 

I'm 58 and grew up when queer was the derogatory slur for gays. I don't think I ever heard it used/directed at females.

 

'Confused in Ontario'

[Luftschlosseule]

13 minutes ago, will123 said:

I'm 58 and grew up when queer was the derogatory slur for gays. I don't think I ever heard it used/directed at females.

That's kind of the point. Similiar to the term gay, queer has been reclaimed. Now it's ours to use as we see fit. It's an umbrella term that can encompass everything from sexual and romantic orientation to gender identity and if your list of labels is long, it might be easier to just say you're queer. For example, I am asexual, aromantic, genderfluid agender. That's a mouthful. I only give snippets to people to indicate I am not straight and then explain further if there is interest.

[LeChat]

Does this statement from Jameela Jamil help?

 

https://twitter.com/jameelajamil/status/1225165342965669888/photo/1

 

https://twitter.com/jameelajamil/status/1225165342965669888/photo/2

 

https://twitter.com/jameelajamil/status/1225165342965669888/photo/3

[Starbogen]

Yes for a lot of people who use it the whole reason is because it's so vague. When you have an orientation that feels like it doesn't quite fit with any of the other terms (or like if you used other less known labels to describe it more accurately it would just be a mouthful) just identifying as queer can be a lot easier and comfortable.

For example

Spoiler

I'm not quite asexual or aromantic but I also don't consider myself sexual or romantic, I find people of any gender attractive but for the most part I only find women or fem bodied people sexually appealing, but I have a preference for men in some way that's not platonic but I'm also not sure if it's romantic, though lately this has been shifting a bit more to women and nb people but again I don't consider myself bisexual or pansexual because I don't feel quite sexual or romantic.

And that's without even getting into gender. 

 

I could call myself a grey-gynosexual grey-panromantic if I wanted to but that just looks and sounds annoying to me and like it doesn't even properly convey the way I see my orientation so if I have to put it into labels I definitely prefer the word queer precisely because it's vague and can mean anything. 

Yes it used to be only used as a slur and there's still a lot of people who see it that way and would not want that word applied to them, but it's a term that's been reclaimed and a lot of younger people especially who never personally experienced it being used as a slur find it useful to describe sexual, romantic and/or gender identities that have too many non-cishet components or are not very well known. 

[KiraS]

There's a variety of reasons:

 

• There's a fair bit of criticism that terms like gay, lesbian, and bisexual are, in practice, primarily framed in terms of White European culture(s). So phrases like QTIPOC (queer, trans, and/or intersex person of culture) help to put the focus on the intersection of homophobia, transphobia, and racism.
• At least in the Unites States in the 1990s there was something of a political schism. Liberals tended to gravitate to LGBT (or gay/lesbian) and emphasized legal activism and reform efforts; radicals such as Queer Nation and the collective who wrote Queers Read This tended to gravitate to queer, which emphasized direct action, rejection of assimilation and passing, intersectionality, and a certain degree of separatism. (Not in the sense of starting communes, although some did that, but in the sense of creating art, culture, and religious spaces that refused to cater to straight or cis sensibilities.)
• From a trans perspective, genderqueer was specifically coined because up to the current generation, nonbinary and GNC people usually ended up living and forming relationships within "gay/lesbian" culture. And in turn, gay/lesbian people have, up to the current generation, been medicalized and bashed as gender-deviant. So genderqueer acknowledges how gender and sexuality are intertwined for many of us.
• In contemporary use, queer tends to imply a breaking down of categories, and is often used by people who don't wish to be pigeonholed into what are emerging as a different set of roles and stereotypes. I like the word "queer" because it side-steps the stereotypes about bisexuality as primarily cis-focused and heteronormative. Neither of these are true, but "queer" gets closer, faster to describing how the violence I experience is about sexuality AND gender.
• As for why Jamil chooses that, you'd probably have to follow her on social media to see if she bothers to explain further.

[That Ginger Kid]

For me, I use it because my identity is just too much for most people to handle or stomach. If someone asks and I say I’m an agender panromantic asexual, I get weird looks; but if I say I’m queer people get the gist that I’m not straight in some way or another. I also just say I’m gay sometimes, because that makes it even easier to understand for most everyone. 
It could also be that she doesn’t want to keep the whole thing a secret, but doesn’t feel it’s anyone’s business to know her exact identity. It’s a little scary being open about stuff like that as some rando that like two people know, but I imagine it’s terrifying when potentially millions of people know who you are. The chance that some super fan would do something crazy to her is a lot more likely than Bubba down at the Walmart killing me, for instance, for being queer. 
I think it’s good that you’re wanting to understand this. A lot of people hear things like that and think, “These stupid SJW kids. Those idiots just make up new terms daily!” And this isn’t even people in their 50s. I’ve heard people younger than me spout similar, though usually more explicit, sentiments. Hopefully all the comments here have kind of helped you form a better understanding

[will123]

Thanks for the replies! I guess the use of a 'vague' term puzzled me because I'm quite specific in identifying as asexual. When I've come out to the few people, I have had no qualms in telling them that I'm asexual. Yes I have to explain it to them, but they've all been understanding.

[Sjean]

But what about your romantic orientation etc? its not that simple for everyone. 

[will123]

1 hour ago, Sjean said:

But what about your romantic orientation etc? its not that simple for everyone. 

In my case? I figured out I was aro (long after I knew I was asexual) a year or so ago.

[everywhere and nowhere]

On 2/7/2020 at 10:00 AM, will123 said:

I'm 58 and grew up when queer was the derogatory slur for gays. I don't think I ever heard it used/directed at females.

I remember seeing a poll about it here - do people perceive the word "queer" as derogatory. And in my opinion it lacked an important question: "Is English your first language?".

Honestly, I learned late that it was used this way. The first meaning of "queer" for me was as a synonym for "strange" - I think that the very first text with the word "queer" I have ever read was Robert Frost's poem "Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening" (and, by the way, I read it in Polish translations much later). So also in its sexuality-related meaning, "queer" was always a much more innocent word for me than it could have been.

[will123]

40 minutes ago, Nowhere Girl said:

I remember seeing a poll about it here - do people perceive the word "queer" as derogatory. And in my opinion it lacked an important question: "Is English your first language?".

Honestly, I learned late that it was used this way. The first meaning of "queer" for me was as a synonym for "strange" - I think that the very first text with the word "queer" I have ever read was Robert Frost's poem "Stopping by the Woods on a Snowy Evening" (and, by the way, I read it in Polish translations much later). So also in its sexuality-related meaning, "queer" was always a much more innocent word for me than it could have been.

As a kid it meant strange like you say. It wasn't until I was in my teens that I came to realize it was a slur against males that were sexually attracted to other males.

[jaeb94]

For me, as a gray-ace who has experienced what I think is sexual attraction a total of one (1) times in her life I really strongly identify with queer. For a long time I thought I was bi or pan  (I was conflating attraction to everybody with attraction to nobody), but I've realized in recent years that I have really strong aesthetic attraction to people, especially women or femme presenting people (bc wow how nice to look at), but I have no desire to have any kind of sexual relations. Indeed, I'm still debating my romantic orientation, but it definitely includes women and femme/female presenting people and therefore I'd at the moment consider myself gray-ace bi/pan romantic. 

 

So, for me, 'queer' is a great way for me to describe in a general term how I feel and my orientation. I am someone who identifies as a woman or female and also identifies as queer. It's not a word everyone is ready to reclaim. and indeed the LGTBQIA+ community is often reluctant to accept ace people, but 'queer' is something I identify with as strongly as I do 'ace'. 

 

Hope my rambling makes some sense!