I’m almost certain I’m ace or ace-flux until... (TMI)

[QuestionsAbound]

I sincerely didn’t know where to go.

For the last two years, I’ve been reading posts here and connecting a lot of feelings to concepts (ace, aro, ace-flux...).

 

Now major TMI and CW upcoming. It’s embarrassing and I didn’t know where to go and was kind of freaking out.

 

So after failing to get sexually interested or physically excited by relationships, I made a last ditch effort and hooked up with a stranger... in very specific fetish.

 

It was fun, and very exciting. I felt like I was jumping out of a plane, it was so thrilling almost that by itself exited me. It felt like having a “movie” experience; we didn’t talk (part of the kink), there were no expectations... and it was good. It didn’t feel emotionally  “messy”, if that makes sense.

 

A year goes by, I get busy with life. Now this hookup messages me out of the blue, looking to have Kink Sex again. I was like, “hah no” then... my body got excited. 
 

Why? WHY?? It’s captured my attention in a way that no date with cute and very HEALTHY romantic partners ever have, and I am almost furious. I was finally settling down into being ace (or ace flux) and now??? 
 

Is it possible to be only interested in sex if it’s a kink? Are the ace folks who are like this?

 

 

[SweetTart]

I believe it's possible to develop a fetish to the point of only ever being able to have sex when that particular thing is involved. I've heard of it before in reference to the differences between a fetish and a kink. I'm no expert, but it's possible that could be what you're experiencing.

[QuestionsAbound]

13 minutes ago, SweetTart said:

I believe it's possible to develop a fetish to the point of only ever being able to have sex when that particular thing is involved. I've heard of it before in reference to the differences between a fetish and a kink. I'm no expert, but it's possible that could be what you're experiencing.

You might be right, but I feel like hmm... I’m pretty healthy mentally lately and not struggling. Why would this be the only thing to turn me on? Urgh.

[Salmiakki]

On 2/7/2020 at 5:13 AM, QuestionsAbound said:

You might be right, but I feel like hmm... I’m pretty healthy mentally lately and not struggling. Why would this be the only thing to turn me on? Urgh.

Um... what? What does being mentally healthy have to do with any of this? You don't have to be mentally unhealthy to have kinks or fetishes. Having kinks or fetishes doesn't make you mentally unhealthy and kinks and fetishes aren't something that only mentally unhealthy people have. It's not a mentally unhealthy thing to have kinks/fetishes. Both healthy and unhealthy people have them. There's nothing inherently wrong or unhealthy about having kinks/fetishes, no matter how weird they are. And there's nothing inherently wrong or unhealthy about having only one thing that turns you on, no matter how weird that thing is. It's okay to only be into something "weird" and not "normal" sex. And none of this has anything to do with how much a person "struggles".

[jaeb94]

I don't know, to me it sounds like you've got an arousal tied to a specific kink. To me, that sounds like yes, you could still very well fit in the ace spectrum since your arousal isn't specified to people. If you're worried about it, maybe consider if this kink would still create this response in you if it were to be with another human or if it's this kink with this specific person that's the thing that's doing it for you