ConfusedJess Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 I'm currently trying to figure myself out and I am really confused. I have never had a crush on someone, not like people described how they feel when they are crushing on someone else. I always thought that it was because I was shy and that I have not met the right person yet. I have never been curious about sex as I didn't feel a deep connection with anyone else yet. I have been seeing someone for the first time, intoduced by a mutual friend. I really like his mind and personality. We also share the same values. But in the end, it didn't work out as he saw me more as a friend and I could'nt figure out if I wanted something more. At no time did I envisionned myself having sex with him, but I did saw myself being romantic with him (we were just getting to know each other without the romantic stuffs like kissing because I wasn't comfortable doing that with a stranger). I thought I was demisexual because I do want a connection before trying sex, but I have never felt a connection deep enough to actually feel a sexual attraction. So does that make me an asexual? Or I have not connected with someone yet? I know I do want a romantic relationship but I do not want to lead on people I date. So, I'm really struggling to figure myself out before trying to date again. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted February 6, 2020 Share Posted February 6, 2020 Same, I'd like the romantic attraction to develop and maybe, just maybe over a very long time, develop sexual or romantic feelings with my current partner of 3 years. It's like this as the more time passes without attractions developing, the more convinced I'm asexual rather than demi. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 I think that most people who find demisexual a good word to describe themselves also find sexuality comfortably far away, something that in the eveyday world is something that doesn't even need to be thought about, like something moving but on the other side of that field over there. so when the question of sexuality is brought up, it's easy to shrug off, I mean it's never been a problem to you before, right? you gotta be patient with yourself, and I think teamwork is this kind of exploration is something helpful, not just claiming you got future you all figured out from what you know today. it is absolutely ok to to seek companionship without this figured out. just remember to communicate who you might be to people you are curious about knowing. good hunting. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedJess Posted February 7, 2020 Author Share Posted February 7, 2020 @Janus DarkFox Thank you. It's good to know that I'm not the only one. I guess only time and experience will tell for me too. @gisiebob 16 hours ago, gisiebob said: it is absolutely ok to to seek companionship without this figured out. I needed to hear that. My biggest fear is leading people on, but like you said communication is key. 16 hours ago, gisiebob said: I think that most people who find demisexual a good word to describe themselves also find sexuality comfortably far away, something that in the eveyday world is something that doesn't even need to be thought about, like something moving but on the other side of that field over there. This is spot on, exactly what it feels like to me. Thank you for your advice! I have never thought about teamwork in this exploration, but it does totally make sense. Thank you again for your answer. It does make me feel a lot better with myself. 3 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
N8ty L3asT Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 I’ve thought it would be nice have a life partner were the intimacy level doesn’t go past hugs and cuddles. It’s good test the boundaries of your comfortability, just be safe about it and don’t force yourself if you feel something’s to much. 2 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedJess Posted February 8, 2020 Author Share Posted February 8, 2020 @N8LV3y Thanks, it's always a great reminder I have always been easily influenced and swayed. That is also one of the reason I never tried to date until recently, because I didn't want to be in a position where i could have been "convinced" to have sex despite me not being ready. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
N8ty L3asT Posted February 8, 2020 Share Posted February 8, 2020 @ConfusedJess I hope everything works out for you! Just remember that the decision to be intimate with someone is yours and only yours alone. Now you stay strong and I hope to see ya around. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ConfusedJess Posted February 8, 2020 Author Share Posted February 8, 2020 Thanks I'll definitively stick around. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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