tiptoenail Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 I guess this a question for the older asexual’s as your friends start to move on in their life\relationships, I have found that you start to grow apart from most of your friends after they get married because your really not apart of that new world. However, the following question is new to me and I was wondering if anyone else has experience this? Has anyone ever had a friend’s new boyfriend\girlfriend at the start of their relationship to be the nicest and friendliest person you would ever want to meet but the moment they take the next step in their relationship ie moving in together that the new boyfriend\girlfriend starts to avoid you and keeps you at arm’s reach? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Yes, that's pretty normal. It's not nice, it's not completely understandable, but it happens all the time. Also... I couldn't help but giggle a little when you just called everyone 20+ old Link to post Share on other sites
RoseGoesToYale Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Yes, I've seen that happen. No, it is not normal. If the friend's partner is controlling who they can see and when, isolating them from their friends, or causes a sudden, major change in their behavior or personality, those are signs of a toxic relationship. What is normal is friends not having as much time for each other as in the past due to responsibilities etc., but real friends still make time for each other, even if it's only a once or twice a year kind of thing. E.g. I've seen my oldest childhood friend get into serious relationships, move in with partners, get married and divorced, but we still text every so often. She lives on the other side of the country, but whenever she's here we get together. If I have the money, I'll fly over to see her. But none of her partners have ever prevented her from seeing me. Friendships where I've seen partners do that wound up being really abusive to the friend and ending really nastily. Link to post Share on other sites
tiptoenail Posted February 2, 2020 Author Share Posted February 2, 2020 6 minutes ago, RoseGoesToYale said: Yes, I've seen that happen. No, it is not normal. If the friend's partner is controlling who they can see and when, isolating them from their friends, or causes a sudden, major change in their behavior or personality, those are signs of a toxic relationship. What is normal is friends not having as much time for each other as in the past due to responsibilities etc., but real friends still make time for each other, even if it's only a once or twice a year kind of thing. E.g. I've seen my oldest childhood friend get into serious relationships, move in with partners, get married and divorced, but we still text every so often. She lives on the other side of the country, but whenever she's here we get together. If I have the money, I'll fly over to see her. But none of her partners have ever prevented her from seeing me. Friendships where I've seen partners do that wound up being really abusive to the friend and ending really nastily. My relationship with my friend hasn’t changed from what I can tell, we still get together for are monthly outings etc. but now it’s just the two of us. The boyfriend knows that I’m asexual and I’m no threat of taking my friend away from him if that’s what he believes. I wish I was what my friend wanted\needed for the kind of relationship he wants but I’m not. Like most of the friendships I have these days I have become the older brother\sister figure. Link to post Share on other sites
WinterWanderer Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Becoming the third wheel is definitely hard. Many of my friends in relationships have drifted away, as they embark on new adventures that I simply don't fit into, like having kids. The more this happens to me, the more I realize that instead of letting everyone drift away, I need to hold onto the friendships that are important to me. Maintaining adult friendships can be difficult, and you may only see them once a month, or once year, or once every five years... but if the person is important to you, try to stay in touch with them. Distance can sometimes be normal, unless it's some sort of manipulation by the partner. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 I think it comes with a lot of things. My friends get distracted by their relationships, but making that next step is a lot of work. They need to rearrange their lives and are now functioning as one rather than two. They also might just be happy being together since now it's all the time (assuming they moved in together during the live change). When I would get lonely, I would reach out to my friends, but if my partner's there then I wouldn't be lonely. There wouldn't be as big of a push for me to desperately seek someone else out. Link to post Share on other sites
Nylocke Posted February 16, 2020 Share Posted February 16, 2020 I'm actually in a fairly complicated situation where through a while of coexistence my boyfriend and my friend of 10+ years fell out and then my boyfriend came with all this stuff talking about 2 years ago that my friend tried to come on to him under the assumption that because my friend is a gay man that him being friendly and conversing was interpreted by my boyfriend as him "coming on to him". Which could happen I guess because I had another situation with another online friend who's friend has a live in girlfriend and got butt hurt because her boyfriend added me on PS4 and I guess she got offended because I was sending videos and funny stuff to that account. I took them all off at that point its like "dude, you guys live in Alabama for freaking goodness sake. I don't want any part of that relationship". I did not have to tell her off luckily though xD But anyway long story short, many times people in relationships do try to get along and maintain peace with the friends but its a very fine line between being friendly and reaching out too much. I think like in my 2 situations people just get butt hurt at the idea of their SO talking to someone else especially if that SO is either living with them or they are screwing. Its really as simple as that which is why it pays if you're gonna have a relationship to simply keep your friends to a minimum or just people online for all that its worth because at least then you can easily keep both lives very separate. My boyfriend has no friends at all whatsoever and is also has no real ties to his family while my friends only exist through the confines of the internet while my family attempts to be super involved in my relationship. Link to post Share on other sites
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