'The Power of Celibacy - giving up sex was a massive relief'

[Whore*of*Mensa]

'Major says a sexless relationship can still be “real” – provided, of course, that both partners are happy with the idea. “Most people want to be loved and cared about by their partner, and there are plenty of other ways to experience that other than through sex.”'

 

https://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2020/jan/28/the-power-of-celibacy-giving-up-sex-was-a-massive-relief

[everywhere and nowhere]

What annoys me a little in this article is the assumption that not having sex for a year is some great sacrifice. Obviously, your mileage may vary, but for me as a person who could only be celibate, such an assumption is a little ridiculous.

However, I for example liked this fragment:

Quote

Yanez believes that celibacy among young people is on the rise, especially among girls. "I think young women feel more empowered than ever to reject the sexual roles they’ve felt pushed into in the past. Self-esteem is improving and they seem to feel more able to use their voice. (...)"

I have always had big issues with the phrase "liberated woman" - because, as it is used, it assumes, without exceptions, that the lifestyle of a "liberated woman" must include lots of sex. I, as a person psychologically incapable of having sex and yet a rebel, have always felt excluded and rejected by this phrase. And for me it's the other way around. I understand that for different people it's different, but for me freedom requires celibacy.

[Sinking_In]

@Nowhere Girl too many kids have sex because they feel it is expected of them, and many rarely really enjoy it for quite some time (most girls enjoying it less than boys, I'm sure). I like the idea of saying a "liberated woman" is one who simply exercises her freedom to choose without bending to pressure from partners, family, social groups or society as a whole.

 

As for celibacy relieving stress for some, it can also be a source of stress for others. If I don't particularly like something to begin with, or if it causes me anxiety, it's much easier for me to give it up than something that, in and of itself, gives me joy.

[uhtred]

People vary. 

 

Some people feel that sex is a critical and integral part of a romantic relationship, others think sex is a fun thing a couple can do, but  not integrated with romance.  Still others do not want sex at all. 

 

All are fine, people just need to communicate so that they can find compatible partners. 

[Whore*of*Mensa]

@Nowhere Girl I didn't read it as a sacrifice, more as people trying to break free of their social conditioning and make sex something they chose to do, rather than something they did because it was expected. It seemed more like they initially thought it would be a sacrifice, but then found that wasn't the case. 

 

I do like the idea of it being a choice, and that young women are more empowered to make their own choices...

[Guest]

Quote

In a world where you can get a sexual partner faster than a pizza delivery, it has never been easier to play the field.

I do not understand where they come up with this part?  It makes it seem as if sex is where you look. For me sex is something  that I do not seek out . Then again I am in my early 40s never been married or  in a relationship irl. So I guess I just find it hard to understand how  easy  sex is  for some  to find while others  live in a  world without it.  I guess it could have to do with my friends irl. Most of them are married  with  children and families.   I guess that  the places I hang out at  not sex active lol. To me  sex is not the issue it is how people view it for good or bad... 

[LeChat]

33 minutes ago, Sir_The_Last said:

I do not understand where they come up with this part?...

Hmm...I'd guess they might be talking about online dating/hooking up aps, like Tinder and Grindr.

[thylacine]

It's a very good article, especially in pointing out that celibacy helps empower women to feel like real people rather than just objects.

[Homer]

Moved to The Grey Area

Homer

Moderator World Watch

[KiraS]

Ideally sex with other people can be very nice. However, as I creep toward 50, I know myself. I often get into unhealthy emotional dynamics. I have multiple bad experiences hooking up with unicorn hunters. And negotiating my gender and trauma triggers with other people seems like a lot of work that I can't afford right now. So it's best to just keep it in my fantasy life rather than reality.

[Guest]

On 1/28/2020 at 2:05 PM, LeChat said:

Hmm...I'd guess they might be talking about online dating/hooking up aps, like Tinder and Grindr.

Those and also craigslist, facebook, etc have sections for hookups. There are sex clubs around as well, in cities. I could probably find sex within an hour of looking if I wanted and wasnt that picky....