So apparently my asexuality isn't caused by a hormone condition

[Your friend]

So I used to think that my asexuality was caused by a tumor in my pituitary gland that was releasing prolactin and killing my sex drive. But I've done some research and it looks like the reason hyperprolactinemia causes low sex drive is because it messes with your testosterone level, and my T is perfectly fine (I had my testosterone level taken from the same blood sample that was used to take my prolactin level, so it doesn't seem like one is affecting the other).

 

What prompted this research was that I've been doing intermittent fasting over the past year and became somewhat concerned with autolysis of tumors due to fasting. Indeed, I have a mole on my arm that, since I started fasting, has partially turned white and shrunk, so I know this does happen. My concern was basically that I would lose the tumor, then I'd start experiencing strong sexual urges at the age of 30. I mean, nothing wrong with sexual urges, as long as they start normally during puberty, when you have time to learn to deal with them, but at my age, I'd probably just end up a sexually frustrated virgin with no experience trying to get laid. So yeah, I was kinda worried. So I wanted to convince myself that I wouldn't become sexual as a result of fasting, and it looks like prolactin wasn't having any effect on my sex drive in the first place (shoud've been obvious considering that I've masturbated frequently in the past).

 

I also stopped taking my antipsychotic for a day. The real reason was because I was sick to my stomach and couldn't put anything in my body, but it also gave me an opportunity to kind of test that hypothesis, and see if the lack of a prolactin-causing drug would lead to any increase in sex drive now that any tumors I might have are definitely smaller and/or gone. It didn't. So I guess I'm in the clear. I'm not gonna turn into an incel. Yayyy!

[Guest]

12 minutes ago, Some guy said:

So I used to think that my asexuality was caused by a tumor in my pituitary gland that was releasing prolactin and killing my sex drive. But I've done some research and it looks like the reason hyperprolactinemia causes low sex drive is because it messes with your testosterone level, and my T is perfectly fine (I had my testosterone level taken from the same blood sample that was used to take my prolactin level, so it doesn't seem like one is affecting the other).

 

What prompted this research was that I've been doing intermittent fasting over the past year and became somewhat concerned with autolysis of tumors due to fasting. Indeed, I have a mole on my arm that, since I started fasting, has partially turned white and shrunk, so I know this does happen. My concern was basically that I would lose the tumor, then I'd start experiencing strong sexual urges at the age of 30. I mean, nothing wrong with sexual urges, as long as they start normally during puberty, when you have time to learn to deal with them, but at my age, I'd probably just end up a sexually frustrated virgin with no experience trying to get laid. So yeah, I was kinda worried. So I wanted to convince myself that I wouldn't become sexual as a result of fasting, and it looks like prolactin wasn't having any effect on my sex drive in the first place (shoud've been obvious considering that I've masturbated frequently in the past).

 

I also stopped taking my antipsychotic for a day. The real reason was because I was sick to my stomach and couldn't put anything in my body, but it also gave me an opportunity to kind of test that hypothesis, and see if the lack of a prolactin-causing drug would lead to any increase in sex drive now that any tumors I might have are definitely smaller and/or gone. It didn't. So I guess I'm in the clear. I'm not gonna turn into an incel. Yayyy!

Well that's good. 

[Grumpy Alien]

What does this have to do with “incel”

[Homer]

If that tumor was the cause of you not wanting to bang, that's not asexuality but a side effect of that tumor. While the results may look similar, the causes are very different.

[Your friend]

16 minutes ago, Kimchi Peanut said:

What does this have to do with “incel”

I don't want to become an incel as a result of becoming sexual, because I'm a socially awkward loser who hasn't taken the time to develop female skills and that's what would probably happen. And I know the term "incel" has been warped to mean someone who hates women because he can't get laid, but I'm looking at it in the broader context of the term, the original definition which was a person who wants sex but can't get it.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

13 minutes ago, Some guy said:

female skills

You mean... human skills? They aren't a different species ya know. I don't understand this concept of different genders being unable to just... communicate.

 

... and I'm autistic!

[Your friend]

16 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

You mean... human skills? They aren't a different species ya know. I don't understand this concept of different genders being unable to just... communicate.

 

... and I'm autistic!

I mean, it's not like science hasn't proven that men and women think and communicate differently. There are tons of scientific studies showing differences in male vs. female communication styles. You can't go through life having a knee-jerk reaction to anyone claiming that men and women are different, which they are.

 

Also, chatting up a girl as a friend and chatting up a girl because you want to sleep with her are two vastly different things requiring vastly different approaches, so men and women being the same or different is a moot point anyway. It's not the point I was making and you know it. So don't twist my words.

[Anthracite_Impreza]

I'm aware there are differences, but the differences aren't so vast you can't just treat someone decently and work from there.

[LeChat]

10 minutes ago, Some guy said:

I mean, it's not like science hasn't proven that men and women think and communicate differently. There are tons of scientific studies showing differences in male vs. female communication styles. You can't go through life having a knee-jerk reaction to anyone claiming that men and women are different, which they are...

There are gender-nonconforming people, though (where some gender-nonconforming people experience others being confused by their appearance, their hobbies, etc., how they talk, etc., and thought of as a different gender to their AGAB [assigned gender at birth].)

 

https://srlp.org/resources/fact-sheet-transgender-gender-nonconforming-youth-school/

 

So, not everyone fits into a stereotypical gender/behavior box.

[Philip027]

Males and females are different, but not in ways so significant like the whole "men are from Mars; women are from Venus" adage would have you believe.  Ultimately, it's still the same species, with a few different body parts and often different societal/cultural upbringings (which doesn't have complete control over how a person will turn out).

 

I promise, the more you interact with the opposite sex, the more you will come to realize they're not as alien as you might think they are.

 

Quote

a person who wants sex but can't get it.

Just so you know, hardly anybody legitimately falls into this category.  The ugliest and worst scum on the planet can and regularly do still get sex, which is a large part of what makes the whole "incel" concept laughable in the first place.

 

What people might have a hard time getting is sex with the person/people they want, which isn't as sure of a thing depending on how realistic your desires are.  Sex in general though?  It's fucking easy, pun fully intended.

[Janus the Fox]

Is this diagnosed and treated, if so then it's for the best to follow the direction of the doctor.  I had the same test and scans, my prolactin was low many years ago and a lower T as a result.  But further endocrinologist and brain scan follow-up found it's normal, a normal variation.  I've also got the test done recently as part of a Sex Hormone Landscape though that's part of a gender transition therapy to see if I'm healthy and qualify for HRT.

 

Before during and after that test, prolactin varies in everybody, my lack of sexuality and libido hasn't changed.  Still waiting for the uh 'natural sexuality' to take place, if asexuality isn't the naturally occurring one already.

[Your friend]

2 hours ago, LeChat said:

There are gender-nonconforming people, though (where some gender-nonconforming people experience others being confused by their appearance, their hobbies, etc., how they talk, etc., and thought of as a different gender to their AGAB [assigned gender at birth].)

 

https://srlp.org/resources/fact-sheet-transgender-gender-nonconforming-youth-school/

 

So, not everyone fits into a stereotypical gender/behavior box.

I didn't say the differences were universal, just that they hold true in the majority of cases. Again, don't twist my words.

[Your friend]

2 hours ago, Philip027 said:

I promise, the more you interact with the opposite sex, the more you will come to realize they're not as alien as you might think they are.

I mean, I do get out of the house quite a bit, but if you want to believe that I'm just a shut-in with no experience talking to girls, go ahead.

 

Hell, I probably get out a lot more than most regulars here, seeing as I'm only just returning after a hiatus of several months, and even then only because I'm bedridden with the flu. I have a pretty active lifestyle and IRL social life, which is why I spend relatively little time on Internet forums, social media, etc. compared to most people.

[Philip027]

Quote

I mean, I do get out of the house quite a bit, but if you want to believe that I'm just a shut-in with no experience talking to girls, go ahead.

Well, aside from the fact I never outright said you never go outside or ever talk to girls (why would I say that?  I don't know you), I'm just operating off your own comment:

"I'm a socially awkward loser who hasn't taken the time to develop female skills"

 

The mere fact you refer to "female skills" kinda says a lot already, to be honest.  Again, they're just people like you, which is all I was really getting at.

[Your friend]

9 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

Well, aside from the fact I never outright said you never go outside or ever talk to girls (why would I say that?  I don't know you), I'm just operating off your own comment:

"I'm a socially awkward loser who hasn't taken the time to develop female skills"

 

The mere fact you refer to "female skills" kinda says a lot already, to be honest.  Again, they're just people like you, which is all I was really getting at.

Well, I am on the autism spectrum, so I have somewhat more difficulty in social situations than most people. Autists represent a disproportionate percentage of the incel community (I believe it's close to 50%) so my chances of becoming an incel if I did lose my asexuality are pretty high. I would rather not go there.

[Philip027]

You know how the people that come here that say things like "sorry if my English sucks, it's my 2nd language" tend to write English very well, sometimes better than a lot of actual native English speakers?

 

Your worry about not turning out wrong in some form is usually a good indicator that you're on the path to turning out right.

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11 hours ago, Some guy said:

Also, chatting up a girl as a friend and chatting up a girl because you want to sleep with her are two vastly different things requiring vastly different approaches

 

Why?

[Gwaeron]

13 hours ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

I'm aware there are differences, but the differences aren't so vast you can't just treat someone decently and work from there.

Am female, can confirm. xD

[Someone Else]

2 hours ago, Loading said:

 

Why?

Wait, are you really saying that you don't see a difference between sex and friends having a casual, simple chat?  I really hope I misunderstood. Because if you don't, well, wow, no wonder there's a problem.  "Let's get naked and touch genitals" and "Let's play cards and small talk for a while" ... are radically different.  So much so that I don't know where to start.  

[HonoraryJedi]

The way you don't turn into an incel is to recognise that women are people, with individual minds and feelings, and right to our own decisions. As long as you got that, you won't turn into an incel. You're fine. I hope you do kind of see where all the negative reactions come from though. 'Incel' doesn't just mean "wants sex and can't get it" anymore. It has meant 'hating women because he can't get laid' for as long as the phrase has been in the public consciousness. Even if that was not the original meaning, it is the meaning now. You can't pretend that its not. And with 'female skills' and trying to scientifically prove that we think so markedly different from you to warrant that phrasing (without sources) and yeah, there is going to be some knee-jerk reactions. Shoulders go up around ears.

 

Also don't hide behind autism. Difficulty with social situations is real, and I have an aspergers diagnosis as well. Turning it to hatred is quite another, and that is what the incel community is.

 

And like, honestly, I had similar fears once! I worried that I was just slow in development and that I would suddenly start falling in love in my 30s. Go through all those feelings I should have gone through as a teenager and then just be too far behind the emotional learning curve to catch up. So I totally get part of this. But it is hard to find that point of connection and empathy when my senses say "Warning, sexism!" about what you write.

 

 

[ben8884]

Not a green but just a polite reminder from your friendly neighborhood Spider Mod that we are approaching some dicey territory.

 

Anyways getting back on track-a lot of people think that asexuality is a result of a hormone or medical issue (sometimes it is) but at least if its been looked into you can know for sure. 

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On 1/29/2020 at 12:06 AM, Someone Else said:

Wait, are you really saying that you don't see a difference between sex and friends having a casual, simple chat?  I really hope I misunderstood. Because if you don't, well, wow, no wonder there's a problem.  "Let's get naked and touch genitals" and "Let's play cards and small talk for a while" ... are radically different.  So much so that I don't know where to start.  

 

I was thinking in a more of a going up and talking to someone situation.  'Lets get naked and touch genitals" wouldn't be my first sentence to a complete stranger.

But I'm old and an asexual, so what would I know about it?

[Guest]

On 2/25/2020 at 6:12 AM, IvonRac said:

Sexual dysfunction ca be a respond to all the medications you are on right now. As a side effect it quashes your sexual desire. On the one hand you can’t give up on them, because your tumor will grow bigger and bigger. On the other hand you want to lead a normal life, which includes sex and other pleasures. I’m not sure if it will help, but I heard about many testosterone boosters like ashwagandha root. It has anti-cancer effects which strengthens your body and raises your testosterone. Food supplements are always a good choice in case your body is affected by an illness or medications. I hope you won’t become an incel and cure your tumor as soon as possible.

I do believe this person does not want sex or an increase in testosterone. 

[everywhere and nowhere]

On 1/27/2020 at 9:50 PM, Homer said:

If that tumor was the cause of you not wanting to bang, that's not asexuality but a side effect of that tumor. While the results may look similar, the causes are very different.

And still such a person has a right to consider themself asexual. People who are asexual without an identifiable reasons are not the only ones who have a right to identify as asexual and to accept and cherish their (possibly effective) asexuality.

[thylacine]

I don't have time to read the whole thing and all the comments, but my hormones were tested and they were normal too, so being ace is not "hormones"!  Just sayin'.

[everywhere and nowhere]

2 hours ago, thylacine said:

I don't have time to read the whole thing and all the comments, but my hormones were tested and they were normal too, so being ace is not "hormones"!  Just sayin'.

Mine having been tested, but even if they were "off", does it matter? I would anyway always choose being effectively asexual over being able to have sex.

[thylacine]

20 hours ago, Nowhere Girl said:

Mine having been tested, but even if they were "off", does it matter? I would anyway always choose being effectively asexual over being able to have sex.

I probably would feel the same also.