Stevemart Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 I feel I’m attracted to guys and I get an erection when I’m near a cute guy but I never felt urge to have sex... what could this mean i have a lift and carry fetish also Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 Depends on if you think you'd actively desire to have sex with someone else under the right circumstances or whatever. If you literally just get erections from being near hot guys and thinking about your fetish etc, but don't think you'd ever actually actively desire to engage in partnered sexual activity (or don't have any real need to), then that could be asexual or grey-A. AVEN defines sexual attractuon as 'the desire for sexual contact with someone else' and that's what's really important when it comes to figuring out if you're asexual or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 I mean I don’t get turned on thinking that other person is turned by me.. I think that’s the main reason people watch Porn.. and about sex I mean I never had it... but I wouldnt mind trying it with a guy who I feel attracted to.. But I never felt this desire to... Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 2 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: Depends on if you think you'd actively desire to have sex with someone else under the right circumstances or whatever. If you literally just get erections from being near hot guys and thinking about your fetish etc, but don't think you'd ever actually actively desire to engage in partnered sexual activity (or don't have any real need to), then that could be asexual or grey-A. AVEN defines sexual attractuon as 'the desire for sexual contact with someone else' and that's what's really important when it comes to figuring out if you're asexual or not. ??? Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 I've moved this thread from "Questions about Asexuality" to "The Gray Area, Sex and Related Discussions". Michael Tannock, Open Mic moderator and Questions about Asexuality Co-moderator. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 11 hours ago, Stevemart said: ??? I'm not sure why you are replying to me with question marks. Do you have a question? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 1 minute ago, CBC said: ??? Sorry I’m still learning how to use this thing 🙏 Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 15 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: Depends on if you think you'd actively desire to have sex with someone else under the right circumstances or whatever. If you literally just get erections from being near hot guys and thinking about your fetish etc, but don't think you'd ever actually actively desire to engage in partnered sexual activity (or don't have any real need to), then that could be asexual or grey-A. AVEN defines sexual attractuon as 'the desire for sexual contact with someone else' and that's what's really important when it comes to figuring out if you're asexual or not. 7 hours ago, CBC said: Do you know how to use the internet, or...? This type of answer will be utterly confusing to anybody brand new. 15 hours ago, Stevemart said: I feel I’m attracted to guys and I get an erection when I’m near a cute guy but I never felt urge to have sex... what could this mean i have a lift and carry fetish also For the OP, its just that, a fetish, it may mean nothing else, finding somebody attractive that gives an erection , its just that. If there's no other thought behind the response, that's just it. Interesting fetish though 'lift and carry', lifting and carrying a person of interest that's rather cool Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 2 minutes ago, Janus DarkFox said: This type of answer will be utterly confusing to anybody brand new. For the OP, its just that, a fetish, it may mean nothing else, finding somebody attractive that gives an erection , its just that. If there's no other thought behind the response, that's just it. Interesting fetish though 'lift and carry', lifting and carrying a person of interest that's rather cool What if the thought is I wouldn’t mind engaging in sexual activities with the person I find attractive? Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 30 minutes ago, Stevemart said: What if the thought is I wouldn’t mind engaging in sexual activities with the person I find attractive? Not minding is not the same as directly wanting it. Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 22 minutes ago, Janus DarkFox said: Not minding is not the same as directly wanting it. The more I think about it I realize that I do want it because I’m attracted to the body.. and offcourse Id rather have it than not have it ... my confusion comes with the fact that I don’t get turned on just thinking about having sex with someone ..oh well maybe that will come with more experience -:) Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 23 minutes ago, CBC said: Those are definitely sexual traits, then. Possibly? Probably? I found it difficult to imagine much about sex until I'd had it and I didn't really get turned on much until I had real-life experiences. Is that why you joined this group Also ? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 5 minutes ago, CBC said: Well sort of, although not that specific reason. That was almost 16 years ago and I was 19 and just didn't quite "get" sex. It didn't seem like something I really wanted to do. I was also very mentally and physically ill at the time and that affected things (and lol I'm still a mental/physical mess, but not in a way that's drastically affecting my sexuality now) and hadn't had very comfortable or positive experiences in the little bit of dating experience that I'd had. I didn't understand myself very well. I see thanks for sharing -:) so it doesn’t sound like I’m asexual ? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 8 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said: This type of answer will be utterly confusing to anybody brand new. For the OP, its just that, a fetish, it may mean nothing else, finding somebody attractive that gives an erection , its just that. If there's no other thought behind the response, that's just it. Interesting fetish though 'lift and carry', lifting and carrying a person of interest that's rather cool Thnx Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 8 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said: This type of answer will be utterly confusing to anybody brand new. You mean my answer will be confusing? I thought I worded it quite clearly and thoroughly, and provided clarifying answers in this members other thread. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 7 hours ago, Stevemart said: The more I think about it I realize that I do want it because I’m attracted to the body.. and offcourse Id rather have it than not have it ... That definitely sounds like a sexual trait, not an asexual trait 7 hours ago, Stevemart said: my confusion comes with the fact that I don’t get turned on just thinking about having sex with someone ..oh well maybe that will come with more experience -:) Not everyone gets turned on by thinking about having sex! It may be an experience thing or it may just be a personality thing. Some people do and some people don't, you may just be one of the people who don't!! Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 33 minutes ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: You mean my answer will be confusing? I thought I worded it quite clearly and thoroughly, and provided clarifying answers in this members other thread. Was there a point in your life you Thought you are ace ? Or you are here for someone else Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 1 hour ago, Stevemart said: Was there a point in your life you Thought you are ace ? Or you are here for someone else Yes I thought I was asexual for about 5 years, and before that I had always seemed as though I was ace even though I didn't know the word for it!! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 1 hour ago, CBC said: Nah I think that was intended for me. I was so confused because of the quote, haha. I was thinking... I'm sure my answer was quite clear? Or at least.. well, I tried! Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 Very clear to be sure, but such detail will be confusing for anybody outside AVEN and those that has never questioned themselves to such depth yet. Link to post Share on other sites
Abigail Rose Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 15 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said: Not minding is not the same as directly wanting it. The difference between tolerance of a situation and desire to create that situation on purpose can be nerve wrecking when you're trying to find answers. Patience and self respect will help guide you where you want to be. 🥮 Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 6 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: Yes I thought I was asexual for about 5 years, and before that I had always seemed as though I was ace even though I didn't know the word for it!! Why did you think you are ace MAy I ask Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 29, 2020 Author Share Posted January 29, 2020 18 hours ago, Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?) said: I was so confused because of the quote, haha. I was thinking... I'm sure my answer was quite clear? Or at least.. well, I tried! I ask maybe I’m asexual because one time my dad hired a prostitute to have sex with me and i couldn’t even cum with her .. I Mean maybe it’s Bc I didn’t feel sexual attraction to her ..cuz I know I’m gay Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 29, 2020 Author Share Posted January 29, 2020 30 minutes ago, CBC said: That's... probably it. But do all sexual people feel aroused when they see a person is aroused by them ? Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 29, 2020 Author Share Posted January 29, 2020 2 minutes ago, CBC said: Um... no. If someone I'm not into gets aroused by me I'd rather not even know. I don’t get aroused by that at all sort of .. is that bad Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 29, 2020 Author Share Posted January 29, 2020 3 minutes ago, CBC said: I don't really know what you mean. Have you ever been romantically/sexually interested in someone whose feelings are reciprocal and they've been aroused by you? I had adate with a guy he was visiting and we were hugging in a public space and he said he has an erection .. and that didn’t turn me on really .. granted we were in a public space but still I’m worried maybe that would make me an asexual ... Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 29, 2020 Author Share Posted January 29, 2020 7 minutes ago, CBC said: I mean, I can hug someone I'm attracted to without becoming sexually aroused. That alone doesn't say much. Plus you didn't say if you were actually attracted to him anyway... I got an erection when we held hands with him but I wasn’t super attracted to him no .. -:) Link to post Share on other sites
Stevemart Posted January 29, 2020 Author Share Posted January 29, 2020 1 minute ago, CBC said: Um. Ok. I don't know what to say tbh, haha. So that could mean I’m asexual ? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 1 hour ago, Stevemart said: I ask maybe I’m asexual because one time my dad hired a prostitute to have sex with me and i couldn’t even cum with her .. I Mean maybe it’s Bc I didn’t feel sexual attraction to her ..cuz I know I’m gay Well even a lot of straight guys probably couldn't cum in that situation because it's kind of awkward. But yeah being attracted to men wouldn't have helped matters! 33 minutes ago, Stevemart said: But do all sexual people feel aroused when they see a person is aroused by them ? Definitely not. I'm a female with big boobs so have had heaps of guys say I turn them on, but that is actually quite repulsive hearing about that unless I'm in a relationship with the guy saying that!! But even then, if someone is aroused by me (even if I love them etc) I can't get automatically aroused just by their arousal. Many sexual people can't. 11 minutes ago, Stevemart said: I had adate with a guy he was visiting and we were hugging in a public space and he said he has an erection .. and that didn’t turn me on really .. Again, someone else being turned doesn't automatically mean a sexual person will be turned on as a result. 11 minutes ago, Stevemart said: I’m worried maybe that would make me an asexual I don't think you need to be worried because a LOT of what you say sounds like a normal sexual person. It just sounds like you may have social anxiety or something that stops you from actively going out and finding people to have sex with, but you have said a lot of things that would indicate you are not asexual!! 2 minutes ago, Stevemart said: I got an erection when we held hands with him but I wasn’t super attracted to him no .. -:) If you got an erection just from holding hands then I mean.. maybe your body wanted to have sex with him despite not being that attracted to him? Or maybe it was just a random erection. Who knows! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 Just now, Stevemart said: So that could mean I’m asexual ? I don't think so personally, based on everything else you have said. I think more what you seem to be saying is that you have some kind of social issue or something that is preventing you from actively seeking sex partners, but a lot of what you have said does not indicate asexuality! Maybe you could just identify as grey-asexual or questioning or something until you have had more sexual experiences etc? Link to post Share on other sites
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