doe-eyed Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 Just made an account here, as I’m feeling a bit lonely and isolated and need to talk openly. I’m very nervous writing this and it’s making me a bit unfocused, so bear with me I’ve been asexual all my life, before I even knew what that meant. I was also quite sheltered growing up and stayed childish for a long time, and went through a lot of family drama shit up until I reached my twenties. I’m a virgin and haven’t even kissed anyone, as I just never felt the need. Sex and intimacy terrifies me honestly, I can’t understand it. It’s been really tough for me interacting with people and I try hard to appear normal. I also just found out over Christmas I have aspergers. Would’ve helped a lot if I had an early diagnosis and support. But yeah um, I’ve already broken off an online friendship many years ago, and we shared a lot of personal strife with each other. But a line was drawn with our opinions about intimacy and sexuality. We weren’t romantically involved, it just came up in conversation sometimes. They were a very lovely person, but it was stressing me out trying to force myself to be okay with that aspect of relationships. Now I’m worried about the strain between me and my best friend. He’s unintentionally upset me before with sexual jokes and casual talking about the facts of life. He’s a great and positive person, and he’s known me personally for 10 years, we’ve shared a lot. But it’s so difficult when someone unintentionally hurts me, and I have to take time out to tell them how I feel and try to forgive them in time, but there’s only so much telling off someone can take, and how much I can let myself be hurt My best friend recently shared some awkward info with me out of the blue about his relationship (he’s sexually active) last time we spoke to each other, and I feel like it’s the last straw for me. I don’t want to sever ties, but I don’t feel as close to him anymore. I know this is stupid and selfish, but I’m tired of forcing myself to just accept what people say to me and bury how I feel like I’ve done with other friendships, which lead to disaster. And I can’t keep protesting to my best friend that what he said hurt me, and policing everything he says. He’s been extremely patient with me and hasn’t done anything wrong. But I feel really incompatible with him and people in general, and I’m scared of ending up alone. I don’t even have anything going on in my life to keep me busy, I’m unemployed because I can’t get through a job interview without breaking down. I’ve been volunteering twice a week since last April, but I’m getting a bit weary of it. This is turning more into a depression/ mental health fucking thing, so I’ll just end it off here u_u sorry I wrote so much. I’ve exhausted the resources of the few friendships I have, I feel like this is my only option. Thanks if you read this far<3 Link to post Share on other sites
Joi ❤ Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 Hey @doe-eyed, I'm sorry to hear your having a such a hard time with the friendships in your life. If you don't mind me asking, do you have anxiety? I know it can feel isolating when you don't have other aces or like minded people to talk to, so welcome and here's some cake! 😊 Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 I'm sorry your relationship is taking such a blow. If he's unable to understand how his language affects you, then he's not worth being close to. People know how to censor themselves and use different filters in different situations, so it's not that he's incapable of not talking about that stuff. Personally, I love to talk about sex and sexual relationships and different dynamics and all that, so I can see how someone would enjoy talking about that completely platonically. But I'd also understand if what I said made another person uncomfortable and made them distance themselves from me. Some people are just incapatible with these things. Link to post Share on other sites
doe-eyed Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 @Joi Thank you >< that’s a lovely looking cake. I do have a lot of lot of anxiety haha, taking anti-depressants for it. The volunteering I do helps a little bit too with being around people more often Link to post Share on other sites
doe-eyed Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 @Joi ❤ wasn’t letting me tag you properly :0 Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 3 hours ago, doe-eyed said: It’s been really tough for me interacting with people and I try hard to appear normal. I also just found out over Christmas I have aspergers. Would’ve helped a lot if I had an early diagnosis and support. I was diagnosed at 21? I believe, so I get where you're coming from here. Tried to act normal because not doing so led to a lot of bullying, abuse and rejection. It didn't work, and now I've started to embrace my true autistic self I feel much better about myself. Yeah, it turns a lot of people away, but they're the people I don't want around me anyway, and the people who are left? They're the ones that matter. I also struggle with employment, but currently (hopefully forever) volunteer at a heritage railway where I'm a diesel driver, trainee steam fireman and steam driver, among other things. I also attend a group for autistic adults where I know I won't be judged because hey, we're all weirdos there! Are there any autism groups around you? Link to post Share on other sites
doe-eyed Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 @Sithgroundhog thank you angry luigi. He does care about me, but he gets comfortable and let’s things slip absentmindedly I guess. Plus being upset at sexual stuff is uncommon, so he probably forgets. I’ll still keep in contact with him, but I think I should distance myself a bit for now so I don’t get hurt uu” Link to post Share on other sites
doe-eyed Posted January 27, 2020 Author Share Posted January 27, 2020 @Anthracite_Impreza yeah, it hurts a lot more to force yourself to be normal than to just let what comes naturally. Those sound like some good skills you have! It could surely lead to employment some day if you stick at it. There probably are some autistic groups in my area, but I don’t think group therapy is my thing uu” solo therapy didn’t do a lot for me. And I mean this in the nicest possible way, but everyone who is on the autism/aspergers spectrum here is on the lower end, I don’t think I could relate to them that much. Thanks for the suggestion though. Link to post Share on other sites
Joi ❤ Posted January 27, 2020 Share Posted January 27, 2020 20 hours ago, doe-eyed said: @Joi Thank you >< that’s a lovely looking cake. I do have a lot of lot of anxiety haha, taking anti-depressants for it. The volunteering I do helps a little bit too with being around people more often @doe-eyed I’m glad you have something that works for you! ☺️ Sometimes what helps me with my anxiety is riding my bike, going to events I enjoy, getting plenty of sleep, breathing techniques, eating nutritious food, and actually at the moment having a customer service job (although some of these things give me anxiety 😅). I don’t know if these’ll help, but it’s just that how you wrote your post I could feel your panic (reminded me of my own). If the relationship with your friend is important to you, than maybe you should ask if you could take a break to work on your mental health. I hope you feel better! Link to post Share on other sites
doe-eyed Posted January 28, 2020 Author Share Posted January 28, 2020 @Joi ❤ Thank you<33 I was panicking a bit yeah haha. I did have a talk with my friend how I was feeling, and we had another little discussion uu” he does care about me, and I feel bad for him still wanting to stick with me. I was upsetting him too with some things I was saying, I kinda forced him to set boundaries with me too so I didn’t feel like a bully uu” I will take a bit of a step back still so I can try to sort myself out. My diet and sleep is actually terrible haha, and I don’t know how to ride a bike, but I’d love to get one and learn. It’s great you’ve got a wee job going on, earning your own money seems like it’s a real boost for self confidence. I’m hopefully moving out this year into a council house, and if things settle I’d love to get a rescue cat. Something to look after and love will feel nice, a bit of responsibility. Thanks again for replying and your kind words<3 Link to post Share on other sites
Joi ❤ Posted January 28, 2020 Share Posted January 28, 2020 @doe-eyed Just a heads up, I understand (its like this too with my anxiety as well) how you can feel like a burden to the people around you. Just keep in mind that even if you don't see the value they see in you, it's still there! They like having you around because they care about you and want you in their lives. If it helps, I've found that a lot of the stuff I worry about being a problem isn't necessarily what I thought it was and asking my friends their point of view helps me know what to not worry about. 15 hours ago, doe-eyed said: My diet and sleep is actually terrible Tell me about it. Seriously, I have to schedule eating and sleeping sometimes 😓 (I got a weighted blanket and switched my snacks to fruits and veggies) 15 hours ago, doe-eyed said: I don’t know how to ride a bike, but I’d love to get one and learn Alright, great! If you find biking isn't your style, any form of exercise can work. 15 hours ago, doe-eyed said: It’s great you’ve got a wee job going on, earning your own money seems like it’s a real boost for self confidence. Yeah, talking to people on a daily basis helps with understanding that a lot of the things I'm anxious about in social situations isn't really as big of a deal as the anxiety make its out to be. 😅 15 hours ago, doe-eyed said: I’m hopefully moving out this year into a council house, and if things settle I’d love to get a rescue cat. Something to look after and love will feel nice, a bit of responsibility. Progress! That's great to hear! I'm happy for you and a cute animal friend is always a great thing ☺️ You're welcome to chat with me anytime. ❤ Link to post Share on other sites
Nylocke Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 That sucks to lose a friendship even online. Most of my friendships are online and many are those I talk to more then my own family. I hope you're able to meet some chill people online once more. Did you ever try discord or something??? Link to post Share on other sites
doe-eyed Posted February 1, 2020 Author Share Posted February 1, 2020 @Nylocke I do have discord, and I do have guild mates on my mobile game I can shoot the shit with lol. As for friends, I kinda like having a very small circle. Who knows, maybe in the future I’ll be more comfortable making new friends, but I’m alright for now with my few Link to post Share on other sites
œddy Posted February 2, 2020 Share Posted February 2, 2020 Sorry things are so tough, its awful to think you could lose such a close friend but they really should learn to moderate themselves if you've said how much it hurts you. Also have to say that Spyro Reignited was a fantastic remastering of the originals 😃 Link to post Share on other sites
doe-eyed Posted February 7, 2020 Author Share Posted February 7, 2020 Hey everyone thanks for your replies and your support. It seems I can’t edit topics after they’ve been posted, but I wanna close this off as it’s been resolved. I kinda joined this website and wrote it in a panic. I’m not looking for anymore replies to this, thanks for understanding<3 Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 You can ask for a topic to be locked or removed if you wish, a mod can do this tagging @MichaelTannock Link to post Share on other sites
NickyTannock Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 This thread is now locked since the original poster has requested it. Link to post Share on other sites
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