So this is bad (another update to those who actually feel like commenting)

[Guest]

Anyone who's kept up knows what's going on. I have several reasons for not wanting any sort of submissive desires. Yes because they make me uncomfortable, but also because of gender dysphoria. I was able to dance around all of that by topping/dominating. I didn't really have to worry about being touched. Also, almost all of my current kinks that relate to masochism are dangerous to me or make me uncomfortable. I know you seemly cannot get rid of desires just like that. It's also very unlikely that I will ever just switch to being solely a dom if I somehow manage to lose all my newly discovered kinks. I don't want to relate pain with pleasure. I didn't before and now it's distressing that I do sexually. It will easily turn into an addiction. The only way I've ever been able to safely manage my sexual interests was through dominance because it stayed in my head and was comfortable for me. 

So blah blah blah, advice?  I've lost sleep over this and can't hardly eat. 

[flacomedicen]

it's difficult to make changes on ones sexuality. it's as difficult as stop being sexist or racist. nevertheless it's possible, looking for support with friends and maybe a therapist. the first step is notice the problem, the next is stop doing it, that's why it's important to get support.

[CajunAce]

I don't really know much about this subject, so idk. I guess just keep looking for a way to fulfill your desires that are safe and make you comfortable. 

 

And good luck!

[Acetheist]

I may have missed one or two threads, but from what I'd heard it sounds somewhat similar to something I went through. I'm not sure if any of this will help you (or if anyone has posted something similar) but here goes:

 

I started having similar types of "submissive/dangerous situation" thoughts that I grappled with. Finally figured out (after suppressing said thoughts for a while) that I was thinking those things to distract from and deal with anxieties and other problems. I eventually found an acceptable middle ground by imagining myself in both roles and if things went a way I somehow wouldn't like, I'd add something that would move me out of the "desire-fulfilling" feel (whether by making the situation feel more friendly/less tense or more gore-y/gross)

 

Sorry for the massive essay, hope something in here can be of help. Feel free to PM if you want to talk or need clarification.

[AceMissBehaving]

Perhaps some kind of fiction might be able to scratch the itch without actually diving into these kinks in real life.

 

I know for people with impossible kinks, like vore for instance, that’s typically the route they will turn to to satisfy the “craving”

 

It might be worth trying to find where these feelings are coming from. If you find the idea this distressing, maybe it’s a manifestation of something deeper instead of a kink for pleasure. For eg self esteem issues or something along those lines. I don’t know you so couldn’t begin to hazard any actual guesses, but if you have a therapist it might be worth talking about with them.

[Guest]

7 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said:

Perhaps some kind of fiction might be able to scratch the itch without actually diving into these kinks in real life.

 

I know for people with impossible kinks, like vore for instance, that’s typically the route they will turn to to satisfy the “craving”

 

It might be worth trying to find where these feelings are coming from. If you find the idea this distressing, maybe it’s a manifestation of something deeper instead of a kink for pleasure. For eg self esteem issues or something along those lines. I don’t know you so couldn’t begin to hazard any actual guesses, but if you have a therapist it might be worth talking about with them.

Personally, I imagine it is just a kink for pleasure. I still do not want it though and I know I'll end up hurting myself in real life. 

[AceMissBehaving]

3 hours ago, KrysLost said:

Personally, I imagine it is just a kink for pleasure. I still do not want it though and I know I'll end up hurting myself in real life. 

Then I’d suggest just ignoring it if you don’t want to actually experience it, of just ride it out as a fantasy.

You don’t have to live out the things that strike your brains fancy. If you feel a strong compulsion or like it’s a problem with reoccurring intrusive thoughts, then that’s something more than just a kink and definitely something worth working through with a therapist.

[Guest]

5 minutes ago, AceMissBehaving said:

Then I’d suggest just ignoring it if you don’t want to actually experience it, of just ride it out as a fantasy.

You don’t have to live out the things that strike your brains fancy. If you feel a strong compulsion or like it’s a problem with reoccurring intrusive thoughts, then that’s something more than just a kink and definitely something worth working through with a therapist.

I've found that my gender dysphoria has made me repress a lot of myself. Especially anything submissive or feminine. Not to like a super extreme extent though. I related submission to women and whatnot and ultimately I imagine it had to be the darkest parts of me that came up and went WHEEEEE. Though, even as a kink I don't think I want to get off to something like that. Being a masochist is a bit distressing even if I've calmed down a little about it. (Might be just my pride talking and me want to have only sadism/dominance as my interests. Even with all of that though, I'm pretty sure I just don't like that idea.) 

[AceMissBehaving]

26 minutes ago, KrysLost said:

I've found that my gender dysphoria has made me repress a lot of myself. Especially anything submissive or feminine. Not to like a super extreme extent though. I related submission to women and whatnot and ultimately I imagine it had to be the darkest parts of me that came up and went WHEEEEE. Though, even as a kink I don't think I want to get off to something like that. Being a masochist is a bit distressing even if I've calmed down a little about it. (Might be just my pride talking and me want to have only sadism/dominance as my interests. Even with all of that though, I'm pretty sure I just don't like that idea.) 

This is really interesting to me. I’m a masochist, and always have been. When I was growing up I thought only men could be submissives or masochists because that was the image I had always seen. I don’t know a great deal about gender dysphoria, but might looking at ways to challenge the internal gendering of these activities help make the thoughts seem less objectionable?

[Guest]

8 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said:

This is really interesting to me. I’m a masochist, and always have been. When I was growing up I thought only men could be submissives or masochists because that was the image I had always seen. I don’t know a great deal about gender dysphoria, but might looking at ways to challenge the internal gendering of these activities help make the thoughts seem less objectionable?

I don't want to find pain pleasurable or calming. It's unhealthy for me. I can live with submissive desires but not masochism.

[Guest]

9 hours ago, AceMissBehaving said:

Then I’d suggest just ignoring it if you don’t want to actually experience it, of just ride it out as a fantasy.

You don’t have to live out the things that strike your brains fancy. If you feel a strong compulsion or like it’s a problem with reoccurring intrusive thoughts, then that’s something more than just a kink and definitely something worth working through with a therapist.

The choking didn't start out as a kink. It started out as a high that forced me to stop thinking and relax but at a dangerous cost. Addiction. I can very easily get addicted to all of this. It's different from my sadism because that gives me enjoyment yes, but it's not a coping method. I never want to use my sexuality as a coping method. I just don't know how to made it fade.