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sex repulsion and acephobia sad times


elizabeth17

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hi so my partner and i have been partners since like september/october-ish but we were (and continue to be) very good friends before making our partnership official. we very purposefully chose to label our relationship a partnership because we liked the ambiguity the term evoked. We like that it could refer to a platonic relationship or a romantic relationship because our relationship doesn't fit neatly into either category. Also, we both found the words boyfriend/girlfriend too romantically and sexually coded. In addition to that while im not sex repulsed (just not interested) I am repulsed by other people thinking of me as an allosexual person. So, we chose the word partner  because its ambigity leant itself better than any other term to dispel my repulsion. It seemed to be the best way to communicate our relationship with other people because we share so many of the same very very close friends. however, we still haven't really told people that we're partners mostly because i fear being thought of sexually. 

the other day a mutual friend was at my partner's apartment and she was super drunk. I was over and my partner and I were hanging out and our pal was confused why i was there. Long story short she asked my partner's roommate about us and she was like o yeah they're partners. The friend then spent the night asking my partner's roommate if we were fucking and making sex jokes behind our backs. she knows  im ace too... maybe it's complicated by the fact my partner isn't ace and is relatively open about his sex life. she apologized to my partner the next day, but idk how i feel. I have no problem with my friend. She truly is wonderful and strives to learn and better herself and educate others constantly. However, I'm just frustrated that the term partner (which is the best one i can think of) is so tied up in sex. why do two people have to be fucking for their relationship to not be strictly platonic in the popular imaginary? it also just makes me feel gross about what other people may be thinking or saying behind our backs. im upsetti spaghetti that's all 

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It’s unfortunate but a lot of sexual people only need 2 people standing next to each other to imagine them doing each other. It’s tiring on the internet and it’s extremely obnoxious in real life.

Can’t say I have any advice besides paying no attention to it, but I know ignoring is not always as easy as it sounds.

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