dee615 Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Do you find yourself trying to justify your interests, hobbies, ideals, community involvements, etc. to allos who wonder - overtly or covertly - why you are " wasting time" ( your prime marriageable years, especially in the case of young women) in the pursuit of strange interests that don't neccesarily help with finding a partner? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Nope never have to cause they the same as me picking up weird hobbies and work as well while still not minding whether they find a partner or not. Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 I usually avoid talking about personal things until I can gauge the mentality of those around me. If they are obsessed with the idea marriage, I have nothing to tell them because I know how they will react. This helps in amy area really. The less you speak of yourself, the better. Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 So I'm a girl. I'm also a geek. Never have I been asked why I'm into anime, manga, video games, etc. except from sexist assholes who think it's only for boys and/or only for children. The only thing I've had comments about are when I'm really into X rated material. Like I love going to watch anime porn at conventions with people. I love reading X rated manga or doujinshi. I read and (try to) write R/X rated fanfic. I'll talk someone's ear off about video gamse I've been playing where the main character's goal is to screw everything with a pulse (or possible every thing of a certain gender with a pulse). My bf once told me mid-rant about a video game that "If I didn't know you, I'd think you were obsessed with sex", and a newer friend of mine comments ocassionally "and you're the asexual one". So... no, I've never been told that I'm wasting my time doing anything because it's not in pursuit of a partner. But I have been asked why I like things that are clearly designed for sexuals since I'm an out asexual. Link to post Share on other sites
Unleash the Echidnas Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Not so much. My mum was prone to making remarks about grandchildren a while ago but I think mostly figured out nothing was going to happen not too long before my godsister had kids. She spends quite a bit of time with those two and it seems to work for everybody. So they're happy and I'm quietly relieved. The comments were a bit weird, though, as I've been quite clear about not having kids since I was 12 and was single the whole multiyear period my mum was making them. I found the implication I should find someone and create more people (like, don't we have enough already?) just so she could stick with her default vision of retirement kind of annoying, particularly when positioned as an indirect a guilt trip. But it wasn't too hard to ignore and nobody else ever cared. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 People think I'm wasting my life regardless of whether they're sexual or not. The perils of being aspie I guess. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 I don't really bother to socialize with the people who would do that. Link to post Share on other sites
Alejandrogynous Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Not really, loads of people dedicate their time to things other than sex/relationships. It's not just an asexual thing. Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Quote People think I'm wasting my life regardless of whether they're sexual or not. The perils of being aspie I guess. Yeah, admittedly, I've gotten this treatment sometimes because of my penchant for video games. It caused me to evaluate pretty early on in my life what exactly it is that makes a life "worthwhile" as opposed to being "wasted", and how they can vary wildly in accordance to whether or not someone believes in a legacy -- that is, the belief that what they do during their time alive has any lasting meaningful impact after they die. Some people simply don't have a sense of legacy, possibly because they believe that once they die, existence as they know it will have ended anyway. Obviously, this can have a drastic impact on how someone chooses to live their life. Do I believe in legacy? Honestly, still on the fence about that one. But I think merely being on the fence has still influenced how I carry out my life. Ultimately though, when I think about this question I always think back to a particular line in the gen 3 Pokemon games. This line wasn't thrown out as some sort of potential life philosophy or anything; I'm pretty sure it was pertaining to winning/losing Pokemon battles. But nevertheless, it is among the rare few sorts of lines I've seen in my life (that can be interpreted as a potential life philosophy) that made me think "yeah, that makes sense." If I had to sit down and pick something to adopt as my own life philosophy, this comes the closest to being it. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 I wish I had your confidences @Philip027 @CBC; I still let people get me down on things like this. Just the feeling of disinterest I get if I try to talk about things I'm interested in with most people, is enough to make me not even bother. I still feel too embarrassed to even admit how much my 'weird' interests mean to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 I used to be so carefree as a young child; I didn't even acknowledge what (or even that) anyone else thought, let alone cared enough for it to put me off. Then the bullying and social pressures started and boom! That was the end of that game. And I got exactly this: 29 minutes ago, CBC said: a big fat load of fuck all. I was still a nerdy teenager, my family still judged and misunderstood me, etc. So yeah, it was pointless. It fucked me up beyond repair. Only in the last year have I started trying to be more myself and you're right, you have to find those who will accept all your weirdness and fuck off those who don't. So, OP, I think we can safely say this is not an asexual vs sexual matter. It's a judgemental vs less-judgemental matter. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 2 minutes ago, CBC said: Also here's a Skullery quote for ya, @Anthracite_Impreza... from a very very long time ago, buried in a thread somewhere on here. I'm sure she wouldn't mind. "...when you like something, get excited about it, it's the most beautiful thing." That's what I was going for but she said it better haha. That's what the people who matter will think of your interests. They'll be happy for you. I will most certainly try, wouldn't dare let Skullz down 💚 Link to post Share on other sites
Lord Jade Cross Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 On 1/23/2020 at 3:31 PM, Anthracite_Impreza said: I used to be so carefree as a young child; I didn't even acknowledge what (or even that) anyone else thought, let alone cared enough for it to put me off. Then the bullying and social pressures started and boom! That was the end of that game. I think this is pretty common behaviour, after all, as children we do what pleases us. Its parents/parental/authority figures that beat us into thinking that we must behave in one specific way and then comes other social groups and inflict the same kind of damage at another level. Link to post Share on other sites
Someone Else Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 I've never really experienced much peer pressure in my youth. I used to wonder, "Where are all these peers who are supposed to be forced drugs, alcohol, cigarettes and sex on me?" I kept getting warned about the threat they were supposed to be posing to me. My dad would like me to always keep my hair short, but other than that... I never noticed anyone pressuring me to be anything. If a "friend" had tried a "smoke this or I won't like you" garbage, me and the other friends would have laughed our asses off and probably pressured the crap out of him, I bet. It would have been "Stop trying to force smoke on us or we won't like you anymore, moron." Heh, as a teen maybe I was the one pushing peer pressure on everyone around me, pressuring them to not smoke or babble vulgar shit about sex. Link to post Share on other sites
thyristor Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 I'm sexual. No one ever said anything to me that had a feeling of: "Shouldn't you get married soon or at least have a relationship?" Not before my longterm raltionship and not afterwards, not even now that I've turned towards the weired hobby of wasting already paid flight tickets. But I have this funny feeling it might very much have to do with the fact that I HAVE had relationships and known crushes. I guess people don't percieve the need to give any advice on how to do it. Link to post Share on other sites
Nylocke Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 I did have a few people try to set me up with their male family members(namely a certain women's son and another certain women's grandson) ... Luckily I haven't had that happen in a while though and people just leave me alone. Link to post Share on other sites
thyristor Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 4 hours ago, CBC said: ...? Uh... just my way of being a martyr. I had booked and paid my one week holiday to Iceland (flight, cottage, expeditions, rantal car) and the day before the flight decided to refrain from it all to break the taboo of asking people to prepare for a lower living standard. I have a funny feeling you'll hate me for being so pretentious. 😇 And, ok, refraining from flights is not a hobby, it was a once in a lifetime event. But I have invested time and money and taken social risks ever since, starting up my Shopping Strike Saturday movement, so, that's a hobby, none of my aquaintances are unaware of it. Link to post Share on other sites
thyristor Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 3 minutes ago, CBC said: Honestly I'm just lost. don't worry, most people are, and I'm usually, too, for half an hour, whenever I try to explain it to someone before I can find my way back to knowing I did the right thing. Link to post Share on other sites
naakka Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 I do! #asexualproblems On 12/17/2019 at 6:34 AM, naakka said: People who assume you don't have a partner/take part in dating life since your hobbies take too much time. And the natural next step, suggesting you should quit your hobbies to be able to live "normal" life. Seriously, my hobbies are the result (of being aroace and having a lot of time to do cool stuff), not the cause Why can't they just be happy that I'm happy? Maybe they think I CAN'T be happy without that normative life? 🤔 The way I see it, allos are most often spending so much their time and effort on one single thing, and often ending up disappointed. While I'm spending my time on things I know I won't get disappointed on for certain. Operating efficiency 100%. Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted January 31, 2020 Share Posted January 31, 2020 Year ago I’ve been asked why I’m into my computers and games, now not so much, both became more heavily mainstream for many now. Link to post Share on other sites
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