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That Ginger Kid

Funny things you thought were attraction before finding you were ace

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That Ginger Kid

Let me start. 
 

I remember, when I was about 19, telling a guy I thought I was actually sexually attracted to him (he knew I’m ace) because I legitimately thought sexual attraction was the same as wanting to date someone. Oh, how I’ve learned over the years! Really, I just had a little crush on him without any sexual feelings and didn’t know sexual feelings were really a thing. I licherally thought sexual attraction like seen in movies was totally made up and my version of a crush (which is pretty much wanting to hold hands and cuddle and talk with someone) was the real thing. 
I just had that random memory while driving around and thought I needed to share. I’m interested to know if anyone did something similar before they learned more about being ace. 

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Snao Cone (me)

I thought being uniquely annoyed by someone was sexual chemistry. 

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iyote

Social anxiety.  Sometimes I'd get really nervous around people and I'd think it's attraction.  

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SithEmpress
1 hour ago, iyote said:

Social anxiety.  Sometimes I'd get really nervous around people and I'd think it's attraction.  

THIS! I since found out I do have a different social anxiety reaction with those I find cute, but I very much thought that stereotype of the blushing girl running away from her crush was the normal kind of feeling with sexual attraction.

 

When I was a teenager, though, I got squishes and crushes mixed up, and I swear I still can't tell you if I had a crush or a squish. But I would look at someone and get along with them and want to get along with them more, but was embarrassed about it or too shy to try anything, and I thought this was sexual attraction. My main reason I know it's not is because I felt it towards my first boyfriend and after we were hanging out more, that feeling went away. We were friends, so I was perfectly content with that.  No idea if it was just me wanting to be closer friends with that person or if my feelings just faded.

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frostboot

.

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Artila

I also mistook sensual attraction for sexual. I did not think much about the movies and when I heard songs about sexual attraction I could not relate but I still danced to them. I just never questioned myself and my surrounding. I thought they were exaggerating drama experts at best.  

 

Guess me growing up in a sexually open environment just made me get used to people being horny xD and I oversaw the differences between me and them.

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Dank Mantis

There's this one person I considered my best friend for a few years before I realized she was a mentally abusive back-stabber. I didn't really have any friends then, so the feeling of having a best friend made me wonder and question exactly what I was feeling. And this was when I was in high school and really trying to figure out my orientation. She once asked me if I would be her boyfriend, but I said no and explained I wasn't ready for a girlfriend yet. I believe I dodged a bullet. Even though I'm a romantic, I found out I wasn't even romantically attracted to her. I just needed a friend out of her.

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Anthracite_Impreza
9 hours ago, iyote said:

Social anxiety.  Sometimes I'd get really nervous around people and I'd think it's attraction.  

Same.

 

Spoiler

My abuser used to force me to look at pictures of topless men to make me 'admit' I was attracted to them. I developed almost a phobia of them, but had been convinced/worried I was secretly attracted to them for years after I escaped that situation.

 

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PoeciMeta
9 hours ago, iyote said:

Social anxiety.  Sometimes I'd get really nervous around people and I'd think it's attraction.  

ME TOO. 

Or straight up fear. 

 

26 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

 

  Reveal hidden contents

My abuser used to force me to look at pictures of topless men to make me 'admit' I was attracted to them. I developed almost a phobia of them, but had been convinced/worried I was secretly attracted to them for years after I escaped that situation.

 

*Spider hugs*

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AceMissBehaving

I thought any form of attraction was sexual attraction. Find someone kinda cute? Sexual attraction. Find someone uniquely interesting and want to get to know them? Sexual attraction.
 

8 hours ago, Sithgroundhog said:

THIS! I since found out I do have a different social anxiety reaction with those I find cute, but I very much thought that stereotype of the blushing girl running away from her crush was the normal kind of feeling with sexual attraction.

Oh...my...god... I have a lot of anxiety, and problems with blushing that used to be much worse. One of the things that made me question if I was ace or not was that around  some people I found kinda cute I’d blush and get weirdly anxious around. Never thought of sex, just blushing and a different set of anxious thoughts. I’m only now because of this realizing that was just anxiety🤯

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PINKunicorn

Heyy,

Im ace and possibly somekind of aro (still looking into it).

I actually didnt realise sexual attraction was a thing untill year 12, when my friend said she thought i might be ace and I did a lengthy amount of research.

Ive also mistaken romantic attraction for queerplatonic attraction and unitentionally friendzoned my boyfriend by calling him my 'super best friend'.

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CBC
12 hours ago, Snao Cone said:

I thought being uniquely annoyed by someone was sexual chemistry. 

😂

 

Damn, I have sexual chemistry with a lot of people then.

 

(Tbh I have gone on to develop feelings for people who pissed me off initially, but that's certainly the exception.)

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Iam9man

1. Aesthetic attraction.

2. Sensual attraction.

3. 1 & 2 at the same time.
4. I also used to have this recurring thought that I was bisexual as I felt exactly the same about men & women... even though a moment later I would remember I felt repulsed at the idea of sex with a man and indifferent at the idea of sex with a woman 🤣

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Eva River
10 hours ago, Iam9man said:

4. I also used to have this recurring thought that I was bisexual as I felt exactly the same about men & women... 

Yep, thought I was bisexual at first because of this too :)

Also people who were nice? Like on a tv show or in a book there'd be nice people who were just loving and sweet and I guess I admired that and decided that was sexual attraction :D

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Firefly8

Aesthetic attraction

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Drunk&Confused

If a guy was handsome (but I noticed it in the same way as I think sunsets are pretty or the sky is a nice shade of blue)... (aka im not trying to fuck either)

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naakka
On 1/23/2020 at 4:48 AM, That Ginger Kid said:

telling a guy I thought I was actually sexually attracted to him because I legitimately thought sexual attraction was the same as wanting to date someone.

The same. And I wanted to date someone to look normal and be accepted. It took surprisingly long for me to realize I really didn't want to date, never did. 

 

What else?

- Thinking that someone looks beautiful would equal sexual attraction. Not really seeing how it could go anywhere from looking at the person, but just thinking that eventually it somehow must happen.

- Thinking that wanting a friendship is the feeling people describe when they talk about romance. Not really seeing the difference but thinking you do.

- Being happy after having a long interesting discussion with someone must mean you're falling in love.

- Thinking that you being nervous around someone must mean you're crushing.

- Simply getting well along with someone must mean the sexual chemistry.

 

Aroace edition.

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Fishy Hun

If I really like making jokes, playing games and messing around with someone of the opposite gender, I must love them, right? (spoiler: nope that didn’t work out)

 

this thread is like my life story

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Chocolatastic AroAce

I didn't even really know what sex was until I was a 14....when I found out I was horrified. Before this I just thought love was people who really liked each other like an intense friendship(like you see in some kids movies). I  thought it was similar to how siblings act... Always fighting but really they care and will have your back. So people arguing seemed like a good thing. The whole concept  of pounding genitals feels good and wanting to make babies went over my head...I still don't entirely get it.

 

 

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Ally<3

Don’t judge, but I had NO idea sexual orientations were actually about who your were SEXUALLY attracted to and not just romantically attracted to. I thought it was just romance-oriented and had no idea that asexuality existed!! Laughed at myself for like a week. It was embarrassing even when I came out to my only other ace friend. 😂

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Ally<3
6 hours ago, Chocolatastic AroAce said:

I didn't even really know what sex was until I was a 14....when I found out I was horrified. Before this I just thought love was people who really liked each other like an intense friendship(like you see in some kids movies). I  thought it was similar to how siblings act... Always fighting but really they care and will have your back. So people arguing seemed like a good thing. The whole concept  of pounding genitals feels good and wanting to make babies went over my head...I still don't entirely get it.

 

 

Ugh so true. Every time I question my asexuality, I just think about someone I find cute and try to imagine having sex with them. It always ends with me being weirded out and a little grossed out.

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coyote55

Many years ago I had two really fun friendships a few years apart, and not knowing any better, assumed I was falling in "love" with those people.  We went on dates, bantered, spent lots of time with each other, but in time they became confused because I wasn't  interested in pursuing intimate contact of any kind. Eventually, things grew awkward enough that we backed away mutually in one case and actively broke up in the other. I didn't understand why I hadn't  been able to feel anything beyond friendly affection for them, or any further person, until I learned about asexuality decades later.

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DarkStormyKnight

The social anxiety thing for sure! I thought for years that when men made me nervous it meant that I had a crush on them. Not a great sign for a relationship of any sort.

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kiaroskuro
On 1/31/2020 at 11:47 PM, Ally<3 said:

Don’t judge, but I had NO idea sexual orientations were actually about who your were SEXUALLY attracted to and not just romantically attracted to. I thought it was just romance-oriented and had no idea that asexuality existed!! 

I guess I used to be a bit like that, too, in my younger days. As a teenager, the thought that someone could be sexually attracted to another person just never really entered my mind, I guess. All the implications. Feeling this pull towards someone - and actually enjoying it (that was unthinkable!).

 

Romantic orientations weren't really a thing, back then. I mean, no one used the terms we are using now.

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deletingthisaccount

"Picking" people to be attracted to and "picking" crushes. At first, that's what I thought everyone was doing 😂

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naakka
Posted (edited)
1 hour ago, Ace_of_Spades07 said:

"Picking" people to be attracted to and "picking" crushes. At first, that's what I thought everyone was doing 😂

Tbh, I think no-one will get this if it's not something they've done themselves 😄 I get it. Especially when asked "who you think is hot?" back at my teens, I kinda panicked and just picked some random guy I thought was a decent person and seemed normal 😆

Edit. And the more distressing case, you realize you're never going to date anyone like a normal person if you don't "do something", and pick that random guy on your mental check list. Just to ease your mind, while actually never contacting the guy, of course.

Edited by naakka
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AceWing

If I saw someone who looked really beautiful, my heart would kinda flutter and I'd think things like, "They're so beautiful/pretty" and I'd smile. I thought that by virtue of biology I couldn't control acting up, it was considered sexual attraction and I couldn't be asexual anymore. I would later discover this to be aesthetic attraction. Nothing in me pulled me towards having sex with them. The thought never crossed my mind and even trying to think about myself doing it with the person in question did nothing for me. I suppose this is why education is important.

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deletingthisaccount
9 hours ago, naakka said:

Tbh, I think no-one will get this if it's not something they've done themselves 😄 I get it. Especially when asked "who you think is hot?" back at my teens, I kinda panicked and just picked some random guy I thought was a decent person and seemed normal 😆

Edit. And the more distressing case, you realize you're never going to date anyone like a normal person if you don't "do something", and pick that random guy on your mental check list. Just to ease your mind, while actually never contacting the guy, of course.

Hahahaha yes! And also, "who do you like?" Me: "No one." Friends: "What do you mean no one? You can't just like no one!" Me: "Oh, okay... uh... that guy, I guess?"

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naakka
2 hours ago, Ace_of_Spades07 said:

Hahahaha yes! And also, "who do you like?" Me: "No one." Friends: "What do you mean no one? You can't just like no one!" Me: "Oh, okay... uh... that guy, I guess?"

Honestly, it's no wonder if ace develops a habit of "picking crushes" at teens... It's practically implied that "no-one" isn't an option, by friends, and even by family members and relatives 😅

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deletingthisaccount
10 hours ago, naakka said:

Honestly, it's no wonder if ace develops a habit of "picking crushes" at teens... It's practically implied that "no-one" isn't an option, by friends, and even by family members and relatives 😅

Oh, for sure. I was always so confused as to why "everyone has to like someone!" because I didn't know what aromanticism/asexuality were back then 😂

 

Eventually, I realized that "picking crushes" on people in my school wasn't a good option though, because then it gets around that you "like" them. So I began picking celebrities instead lol

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