artistical_avery Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 Okay so I recently figured out that I’m asexual. I know that I want to have a romantic relationship and I want to keep it strictly romantic (That would include cuddling, hand holding AND kissing, etc.). One thing that could possibly alter this a smidge, is if there’s someone that I just truly fell in love with and would make an exception. However this would probably never happen bur it’s still a possible outcome to consider. I’ve looked everywhere for a term that would describe this but I’ve found nothing on it thus far. If anyone could help me out I’d be super grateful Link to post Share on other sites
elizabeth17 Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 hello! first of all i don't think that thinking through the asexuality spectrum in terms of degrees of ace-ness is super helpful because it can lead to gatekeeping and invalidation of a number of a-spec identities. So yay, you're ace and no less ace if you would consider/have had sex with someone! All that being said it can be helpful for some people to find a more specific identity marker as the ace spectrum is so massive. To me the phrase "make an exception" sounds like you would be willing to have sex with a partner you really love if they wanted that even though you aren't sexually attracted to them. if you're not sexually attracted to the person and would have sex with them to make them happy that still sounds pretty asexual to me. Alternatively, if you think you may actual develop sexual attraction to a partner after cultivating an emotional/romantic bond then you may be demisexual. Hope that helps a little! Link to post Share on other sites
sapphireclouds Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Hi there! I’ve been exploring pretty much the same thing as you for the past few months, so hopefully I can help! First of all, it’s important to remember that no one can tell you how to identify because no one knows exactly how you are feeling, so don’t go along with something if it doesn’t feel right! Anyways, now that that’s out of the way, I’d suggest you look into sex-indifferent and sex-favorable asexuality, as well as gray-asexuality. In finding my own identity, I considered all three of these at different times before finally deciding that I feel most comfortable as a sex-favorable asexual (which is still open to change, but hopefully it won’t need to). There are some great posts about each here on AVEN, so check those out! Best of luck! Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 There is no such thing as a "degree" of asexuality. Either you want to have sex with someone or you don't - that's all there is to it. If that's the way you feel right now, great... if it changes, just as great. All is well as long as you're happy with who you are and what you feel. A plain "Not interested" seems to be a good way to describe it. Link to post Share on other sites
frostboot Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 On 1/23/2020 at 1:06 AM, Homer said: There is no such thing as a "degree" of asexuality. Either you want to have sex with someone or you don't - that's all there is to it. That's not how it works at all. Asexuality is an umbrella term which includes people that feels different degrees of sexual attraction. AVEN also acknowledges the ace umbrella and that sexuality isn't strictly sexual and asexual. Isn't it your job as a mod to accept the generally agreed upon definition and be inclusive of everyone here? Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 1 hour ago, frostboot said: That's not how it works at all. Asexuality is an umbrella term which includes people that feels different degrees of sexual attraction. AVEN also acknowledges the ace umbrella and that sexuality isn't strictly sexual and asexual. I totally disagree with that notion. Also, while I accept people thinking like that, I don't agree with them. Being a mod doesn't mean I have to agree with everything thrown around here. Link to post Share on other sites
frostboot Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 5 minutes ago, Homer said: I totally disagree with that notion. Also, while I accept people thinking like that, I don't agree with them. Being a mod doesn't mean I have to agree with everything thrown around here. If you go off on a tangent every time someone mentions different degrees of asexuality are you really accepting it? Because it seems to me that it's plainly dismissive of people's identities. Link to post Share on other sites
Rynn Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 Friendly modly reminder that a thread in which someone is looking for advice is not the best place to discuss whether we should file grey-sexuals under asexuality or under sexuality. That's what we've got definition debate threads for Laurann, Moderator for (A)Romantic Orientations and Gender Discussion. Link to post Share on other sites
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