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Fear of Being Seen


Tabula Rasa

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This isn't a tea and sympathy post, though it's somewhat somber.

 

I have a fear of photos of myself being seen by hetero-cismen on the internet, even if it's just my face. I know I have no control over what some creepy guy thinks upon seeing my photo, but I've had bad experiences with this, like the time my older brother saw a photo of me, told me it was sexy, and asked me for it. I didn't let him have it. I've cut him out of my life for that, among other things. I know not all hetero-cismen are like this.

 

I want to get to the point where sharing my image doesn't bother me at all. Have any of you dealt with this fear? What would you suggest?

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Just now, CBC said:

If it's limiting your life in significant ways, therapy.

 

How do you deal with cishet men seeing you offline, like out in public? Is that a stressor too or does this pertain to the online world only?

It pertains to the online world only. In public they see me in passing, but a photo on the internet can be downloaded.

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1 minute ago, Moira. said:

It pertains to the online world only. In public they see me in passing, but a photo on the internet can be downloaded.

I have the opposite!! I don't mind being seen in photos online because I can disguise myself. I look so different in photos!! But in 'real life' I can't escape from being seen, so I just try to avoid people as much as possible Y_Y

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Anthracite_Impreza

I work on a heritage railway. People are taking photos regularly of our engines, in which they will often catch us. Sometimes people deliberately ask for photos of the crew; I don't like it but don't really have much of an option lest the railway been seen negatively (I know, no one's entitled but you know how rumours spread). I've basically had to get over my aversion simply through having it forced upon me. The way I deal with it at the railway is through knowing I'm being seen with an engine. With an engine, or a car, I'm much more comfortable, because it's not just me any more. They're my life and I'm proud to be with them. They can be the star of the photo, I just happened to be there. I know that's not how it works with some people - they see me over the engine - but I ignore that for my own sanity.

 

As a non-transitioned trans-male I am also constantly misgendered in these things, and have been seen in a fetishistic way, so I understand your dislike of being seen in photos greatly. 

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Ew, what's wrong with your brother? Why would he do that, that's so gross. I'll never understand how people can look at their siblings like that.

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There is nothing wrong with your fear. You very will may better off not putting your face online. 

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This will probably surprise many people, but I have ambivalent feelings about my image being available for individuals to view as they wish in whatever context. I was scanning film photos of myself to share online in the 90s, so it's nothing new for me. At the time I had very low self-esteem, and sharing myself in photo form instead of in the flesh gave me more control over how I "looked" to other people. What they did with it was their business. I felt safe(r) because I assumed anyone who liked these pictures of me would not like how I looked irl. I still kind of feel that way, tbh. ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ But putting these photos of myself online is my choice. Ogling is incidental. There are ways of controlling who sees what, and there are ways of blocking out any feedback or indication that someone's enjoying it for purposes you'd rather not know about. 

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Janus the Fox

A rational fear and concern that’s normal, other than not sharing pictures online, make sure that the community you’re sharing it has any rules on it.  Picture visibility can be controlled, like Facebook, each post can be modified in a way that only you and a select group or person to share to.  In the end it’s important end to keep your own online identity safe.

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Why your cishet brother is asking you for pictures is concerning enough ... o_o Nowadays its very concerning with where your pictures go or end up. My mom has often told me that someone can photoshop your face on to a naked body which I kinda know about due to my history in graphic design but still never really knew because I had no concept of people doing that. My face and hands are a different color though, they'd sure have a ball trying to photoshop me o-o

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