Ros Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 I’ve been attracted to many people. Had butterflies in my belly, fantasized (not about sex, just different romantic scenarios) and wanted to get closer to them but each time they get physically near I get repulsed and back off. This is the reason I’ve never been in a real relationship and I always thought this was how everyone felt, that I just wasn’t ready but lately I’ve felt otherwise. I have always been mature for my age. I finished puberty multiple years ago and fallen in love various times. A lot of my friends started watching porn and expressing their sexual feelings towards others, and I just can’t relate to it. I’m pretty sure that at this point I would have felt sexual attraction if I was sexual but I am still doubtful that it might just be the strong fear of being generally vulnerable that I have because I’ve felt desire to kissing, but never dared to do that either. I read a lot about demisexuality, and it really felt like me since it takes a strong emotional connection for me to show other types of physical affection (hugs, cuddles etc.) I believe I would not be repulsed by having sex with someone I’m close to, but then, when if it actually would happen, I have no idea how I’d react. If I was demisexual, wouldn’t I have felt sexual attraction to someone I’m close to? Have I just not found the “right person”? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Jarle Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 I think it's perfectly fine to stick with expressions of affection that you're comfortable with, and only with the people that you're comfortable doing those things with. Points to you for looking after yourself! I've had relationships with some wonderful people in the past, but I still questions whether I felt sexual attraction towards them or not. I've had sex and engaged in other sexual/sensual activities and enjoyed it, even pursued it at times. For all this time I've considered myself ace, and it wasn't until recently that I had cause to reconsider that. Meeting someone who sparked feelings of sexual attraction was confusing as hell, but once I was able to name those feelings identifying myself as demi made more sense than ace. One of the things that I learnt through this time was that - for me at least - having an emotional connection or appreciating someone aesthetically doesn't necessarily translate to sexual attraction. I have plenty of people in my life who are gorgeous inside and out, and yet I feel nothing sexual towards them. These days I consider myself to be both ace and demi - 99% of the time I'll go through life without experiencing anything close to sexual attraction for another person, but in the right circumstances those feelings are pretty strong. If you want to claim both labels/identities at the same time, I don't see any problem with that as you're using the words to describe your own experiences. If you're unsure how you'd react in sexually charged situations, always make sure you're safe and checking in with yourself. Pressure from society is absolute bull, and experiences where you fully and enthusiastically consent are SO much better than ones you just accept. I don't like the idea of the 'right person', but being open to possibilities with people who you choose can lead to some wonderful times together. Hope you're able to get something from that! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 For some people it can take much more connection than others. I think I've seen some mentioning needing months or more of being close to someone before it grew sexual attraction to them. For others like me it can take more being 'in the vibe' as well or more than a long period of being with someone. I'm very sensual and affectionate though so there's no waiting for me to hug, cuddle, and even like caressing someone. Sex is just.. something that doesn't interest me very much unless it connects to my other feelings in the mix. I guess what I'm saying is that we're all different But still forms of demisexuality, is how I see it. Whether you lean on the asexual side, or just havent connected to someone enough, or are a little sex repulsed, it's all ok for you to accept as well as explore and understand more with time. you're fine Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EclipticLibra07 Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 (edited) I feel like I’m on the same boat, and to be honest I’m not quite sure if I am Asexual or Demisexual. I have never been in love before, though I have experienced crushes, but I’ve never had any sexual desire with anybody. Sexuality is complicated. Edited January 21, 2020 by EclipticLibra07 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 it sounds like you are working with the four year sexuality study known as highschool. you might have to work through the more robust ten year study if you aren't finding a clear answer, and there's nothing wrong with that. "I don't know how I feel about sexuality" is an acceptable answer. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Abigail Rose Posted January 22, 2020 Share Posted January 22, 2020 If you are patient and honest with your own heart the answer will become clear at the time you need it most. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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