Blackoutbxy Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 I'm really having some issues with finding out my gender identity and it's starting to bother me... I've always had some form of connection to my birth gender (Afab) but then I sometimes feel disconnected...? I know for sure than I'm not a trans male, but I don't fully feel female either. I've never really been that feminine, I've always preferred men's clothes, men's deodorants/body sprays etc. My pronouns don't really bother me either. I've been used to using she/her due to that being what I've grown up with but sometimes it doesn't 100% feel right. I've used he/him pronouns to help explore my identity and part of the time, it's felt comfortable. Being called a 'girl' mostly feels right, but using 'woman' causes me to feel slightly disconnected from myself. This is the same with using 'boy' and 'man'. I feel okay with being called a boy, but I don't necessarily like being called a man... I've not felt bottom dysphoria, and rarely feel top dysphoria other than wanting my chest to be flatter/smaller sometimes. I feel social dysphoric (if that's a thing... If not please correct me...) In the fact I would rather be treated the same as my male friends, as well as the fact I act more masculine, but I don't know if that qualifies me as no longer cis or just as a butch cis-female... Would anyone know what this is or could offer any advice at all, I'd greatly appreciate of so... Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Hi It's actually pretty hard to tell, especially with cases like this, because it's easier to tell when someone knows more how they feel about their body,.. like you're ok with your female body, but how would it feel to have a male body for the rest of your life? It could be that you just have a masculine side, but if you actually feel like you'd be comfortable, or like or greater, having a male body for a long time, then it would hint at that you have a male gender in you one way or another. If you can relate to being female but not fully, that could mean demi-girl, though there might also be other reasons that you have trouble with being a 'woman'. A lot of women don't fully relate to everything about being one, as well. My first impression is that it is at least slightly a gender aspect, and not just about masculine or feminine, but it's hard to tell to what extent. I think it's a case where maybe there needs to be more exploration and experience to know yourself, or that there isn't enough information yet Feel free to post more that you know. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Being feminine and being female are two very different things. Having social equality with your male counterparts, to be seen as of equal importance or worth or status, is what people have been fighting for for a very long time. Do whatever you want though! Link to post Share on other sites
kiaroskuro Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 51 minutes ago, Blackoutbxy said: I feel social dysphoric (if that's a thing... If not please correct me...) In the fact I would rather be treated the same as my male friends, as well as the fact I act more masculine, but I don't know if that qualifies me as no longer cis or just as a butch cis-female... Yes, social dysphoria is a thing. I personally don't feel it as much as I used to, now that I'm less confused about my identity, and maybe more confident on the whole - but it's still there. But maybe it's been "gender-roles-are-making-me-mad-as-hell" rather than actual dysphoria, all along. Your case is quite a bit more complicated than mine, but I wouldn't say that feeling social dysphoria disqualifies you as a cis-female. Maybe you are trans, maybe you're not. I wouldn't stress too much about the labels - the most important thing, imho, is to find the gender expression and pronouns that you're most comfortable with. Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 I just realised that in my childhood I preferred the 'girl team' because I prefer quiet people and girls appened to be (taught to be) quieter... I think. And also I was used to it, kinda. Well, since I've learnt enbies can be quiet too (the agender thread is very quiet ), and also maybe that there are no prerequisites for being a certain gender (especially clothes, expression and such stuff), I decided I liked it better. We can't tell what you are from your tastes, comfort with your body, or personality, but, good news, that means you can just go with what feels best~ Link to post Share on other sites
Just Somebody Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 I don't have time to address these subjects here but I already did there and I believe this could help organize your thoughts as it does the majority of times: If you still have doubts just ask. We can't tell you what's your gender identity or which gender identity social group you feel comfortable belonging to or considering yourself a part of or how to label or describe yourself, it's only something you can figure out: what makes you happy, we can't tell better than you what makes you happy. Link to post Share on other sites
OneConfusedBoi Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 On 1/20/2020 at 12:17 PM, Blackoutbxy said: I'm really having some issues with finding out my gender identity and it's starting to bother me... I've always had some form of connection to my birth gender (Afab) but then I sometimes feel disconnected...? I know for sure than I'm not a trans male, but I don't fully feel female either. I've never really been that feminine, I've always preferred men's clothes, men's deodorants/body sprays etc. My pronouns don't really bother me either. I've been used to using she/her due to that being what I've grown up with but sometimes it doesn't 100% feel right. I've used he/him pronouns to help explore my identity and part of the time, it's felt comfortable. Being called a 'girl' mostly feels right, but using 'woman' causes me to feel slightly disconnected from myself. This is the same with using 'boy' and 'man'. I feel okay with being called a boy, but I don't necessarily like being called a man... I've not felt bottom dysphoria, and rarely feel top dysphoria other than wanting my chest to be flatter/smaller sometimes. I feel social dysphoric (if that's a thing... If not please correct me...) In the fact I would rather be treated the same as my male friends, as well as the fact I act more masculine, but I don't know if that qualifies me as no longer cis or just as a butch cis-female... Would anyone know what this is or could offer any advice at all, I'd greatly appreciate of so... I feel pretty similar to how you seem to feel. I looked for a while to find a term that fit me, but I really struggled. Eventually, I figured that I needed some time to feel myself out, so I chose to identify as gender fluid. I got to the point where I know I don’t feel fully a girl nor fully a boy, so gender fluid covered how I felt without pressuring me to choose specifics of how I feel. I’m not sure if this is really what you’re looking for, but maybe try a broad identity and then narrow it down as you learn more about yourself. Link to post Share on other sites
Blackoutbxy Posted March 29, 2020 Author Share Posted March 29, 2020 On 1/23/2020 at 4:03 AM, OneConfusedBoi said: I feel pretty similar to how you seem to feel. I looked for a while to find a term that fit me, but I really struggled. Eventually, I figured that I needed some time to feel myself out, so I chose to identify as gender fluid. I got to the point where I know I don’t feel fully a girl nor fully a boy, so gender fluid covered how I felt without pressuring me to choose specifics of how I feel. I’m not sure if this is really what you’re looking for, but maybe try a broad identity and then narrow it down as you learn more about yourself. Thank you, I appreciate it. Knowing that someone else feels this way makes me feel less alone. Genderfluid seems like a more ideal fit based on your experience compared with mine, but I'll take this into account when exploring labels Link to post Share on other sites
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