Daylight Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Hello World Today in PE I asked a close friend of mine if he had a relationship. He told me that he never had sex, a relationship, or his first kiss! (At the Age of 17!) I was shocket to be honest since those things are completely normal for me.He saw my reaction and was very confused. By looking at the internet, I've found out he could be aromantic/Asexual. I have nothing against it but what should I do ? Should I just say that it is ok to be "Ace" or just ignore it?Or should I even ask him to tell me his sexual orientation.I guess it is pretty hard for him to be so alone cuz his friends are all in a relation with someone else. It would be really cool if someone could help me ! Thanks for reading post! Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 30 minutes ago, Daylight said: but what should I do ? Hello, Daylight. I don't know a lot about acceptance of some questions in your culture, but among us, in the Eastern Europe, it is quite intrusive to ask about sexual orientation if the second person hasn't started such conversation itself. The best thing here is to show you appreciate him/her/them without paying attention to the presence/absence of a significant other. Besides you don't have enough information to suppose about his/her/them asexuality. If this idea is wrong and you start speaking "I am OK with your asexuality" you can just alterate your relations with this friend. Link to post Share on other sites
Grimalkin Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Nah man, give him space about it and don't assume anything. Some people just don't get started until later in life and there's nothing wrong with that-- it might embarrass him if you go all "I accept your sexuality" and he's like "...I'm straight, I just haven't done anything yet." Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Dude I'm 19 and haven't done shit. Of course I have no interest but that's not the point. He's probably just a guy who's never had a relationship or is choosing to focus on school. Link to post Share on other sites
WolfDreamer Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Don't over think it. Just keep your friendship strong. He may just not be ready to deal with an relationship. I'm 18 & I sure as hell don't want to deal with all that drama & shit. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 24 minutes ago, Daylight said: He told me that he never had sex, a relationship, or his first kiss! (At the Age of 17!) I was shocket to be honest since those things are completely normal for me. It's not that uncommon for people to not have done these things at that age. Everyone moves at their own pace. What's normal for you could be slow or fast for someone else. Just let him be. Link to post Share on other sites
Balance Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Oh I thought you said age 71, then it would make total sense to say, I guess you were Ace then? But 17, no, that's completely normal IMO. But I'm ancient... Link to post Share on other sites
Philip027 Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 When I was 17 all I cared about was just getting out of HS (which I did... by dropping out, hurr) Just leave him be, it isn't that unusual Link to post Share on other sites
Scottthespy Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Agreeing with everyone who says 'leave it alone, he'll say something if he sees it as important', but also adding that it might not be 'pretty hard for him to be so alone', if he is in fact aromantic. That's like being sad that a friend who doesn't like cake doesn't have any cake. If a person doesn't want a relationship, they probably won't feel bad that they aren't in one. Personally the more I hear about and see relationships, the happier I am to 'be alone', because it looks like a bunch of crazy difficulties and annoyances to me. Link to post Share on other sites
Anthracite_Impreza Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Two of my friends never did the deed until after 20yo, and one didn't get in a relationship until the same age. I didn't feel any romantic feelings (irl) until I was 19/20 myself. So yeah, not having done anything at 17 definitely doesn't mean aro-ace. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 39 minutes ago, Scottthespy said: If a person doesn't want a relationship, they probably won't feel bad that they aren't in one. As an aromantic who assumed I'd want a relationship like anyone else, I can confirm that it is a major relief to not have to be in a relationship when you don't actually want one. Link to post Share on other sites
iff Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 It seems pretty normal to me, I wouldn't be drawing any conclusions. Maybe he is asexual, maybe he isn't. Just give him space on this. Link to post Share on other sites
Homer Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Two of the most sexual people I know lost their virginities at 17 and 23 respectively. Nothing out of the ordinary. I don't think that there's anything for you to do really, except to be there if they actually want to talk about it. Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Maybe he just hasn’t clicked with someone he wants to do that with. Or maybe he’s gay, etc. There’s no reason to think this is shocking at the age of 17. I didn’t have a boyfriend or have sex until 18, and I’m reluctant to call my slug-lipped effort at a kiss in high school a “first kiss” (that was a single one-off “date” attempt). And I’m fully sexual. It’s totally normal to not have done stuff at 17, just as it’s normal to have done it by then. Social pressure tends to make teens think their peers are all more “sexually active” than they actually are. (Some are, some aren’t.) Link to post Share on other sites
uhtred Posted January 21, 2020 Share Posted January 21, 2020 I was 17 before I kissed anyone, and not by choice, simply because I was impossibly shy and socially awkward. Don't mention it unless you have a romantic interest in him. Link to post Share on other sites
gemrisingbitch Posted January 25, 2020 Share Posted January 25, 2020 Not too shocking. I'm turning 19 tomorrow (it's still the 24th here!) and I didn't have my first kiss till 17 (felt nothing btw). I didn't have sex. Just barely started a relationship and the person was a narcissist. I got out last year (in April) age 18. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 26, 2020 Share Posted January 26, 2020 It's not really shocking... lots of people just arent interested in someone at that age. I found someone to date at 15, but plenty of people I know were 18-20 before finding someone. Link to post Share on other sites
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