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Am I asexual?


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I have recently started to question my sexuality and I have come to a conclusion that asexual is the term I could identify with. I know that it is an umbrella term and there are no rules to follow regarding sexuality, however I have of course searched through the internet a lot and thought about it a lot and I'm not sure if there is maybe a better term to use. 

In the last few days I was very confused because I noticed I haven't really found anyone attractive in a long time but then I would see a "sexy" picture or a video and that person would be attractive to me after all. I've thought about it a lot and questioned it a lot and realized I am attracted to the aura the person gives off and the thought of a sexual act with that person and not their physical look and aesthetic. Whenever my peers talk about attractive people I have a hard time grasping how could they be so attracted to someone based sololely on their picture, and while I can still see how someone could be considered attractive based on the social norms, male or female (and I am a female and desire relationships only with men), I often have no opinion and just someone's looks can't awaken any feelings inside me. However, I have a high sexual drive and do enjoy being sexually intimate with men, no matter what they look like, if they carry themselves in a certain way and have the aura about themselves that I like. 

Is there anyone else with similar habbits? Could I call myself anything in the asexual spectrum? Is gray sexual a good term for my experience? I would feel much more comfortable if I could label it because I don't feel as myself if i just think of it as normal heterosexuality. 

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It sounds like you're more experiencing a lack of aesthetic attraction (finding people 'hot' etc) as opposed to a lack of sexual attraction.

 

Sexual attraction is a desire to connect on a sexual level with someone else, which is something asexuals do not experience.

 

There are many people who don't place much importance on looks. Heck I even know someone who used to post ads in Craig's List just to meet total strangers for sex with no preference at all as to what they looked like!! Some people just have no preference for looks and that's totally okay :)

 

I myself am like you in a way, in that I am unable to find anyone attractive just to look at (well, not men anyway. I can appreciate women in an artistic sense but don't seem to develop emotional attraction towards women for the most part). I weirdly find the majority of men quite repulsive on first glance.

 

However for me, once I develop feelings for a person (like respect for their personality etc) they transform into someone who is beautiful to me. Like I may not have noticed them before, or may even have found them repulsive, but once those feelings are there they become.. almost god-like in appearance to me. 

 

Only then am I able to think of them in a sexual light and I would be utterly unable to even consider engaging in sex with someone without those feelings. That's why it's so easy for me to be celibate - I just really have no need for sex with anyone until I develop that 'feeling' for them.. and that's only happened once to me in 'real life'. (happened a few times online, and LOTS with fictional characters haha).

 

But yeah it sounds like you're just lacking in aesthetic attraction in general, whereas I seem to be 'demi-aesthetic' :P

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Hi there ;)

I agree with Pan Ficto here, and it's not the first time I've seen some thinking that sexual attraction meant finding someone 'hot' based on appearances.

Most 'normal' people mix various attractions together. They have aesthetic attraction, leading to sexual attraction, as well as romantic attraction.  (With different kinds of mixes)

Someone having a certain way about them (being masculine or otherwise) seems to be attractive to you, and it sounds like sexual attraction.  Some people get attracted to the personality of some people, and actually quite a lot of people do, it's just that aesthetic attraction is a very common one that you'll see around. It does make you different, but not really asexual. I don't think there's a specific label for this, but it's still good to know it about yourself.

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On 1/19/2020 at 10:59 PM, Sarah-Sylvia said:

it's not the first time I've seen some thinking that sexual attraction meant finding someone 'hot' based on appearances.

...

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Anthracite_Impreza
13 minutes ago, mintteaa said:

This is definitely just a language thing, so there is no right answer, but I always thought that aesthetic attraction would just be finding someone nice to look at (I would use words like pretty) while "hot" is closer to words like "sexy" which people use to describe folks they are sexually attracted to. 

Nope, I'm ace AF and use hot and sexy to describe vehicles regularly (I'm mecha). I'm an ace with very strong aesthetic attraction but never once have wanted sex with anyone. They *can* mean that, but a gay bloke can call a woman hot without wanting sex with women at all, and an ace can do the same while wanting sex with no one.

 

AVEN itself describes sexual attraction as 'the desire to share sexuality with others', so by that OP, no you wouldn't be ace. Plenty of sexuals don't get attracted to looks; what makes them all sexual is that they all desire sex at some point. Actual sexuals can describe it better but that's what I've learnt from listening to them.

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AceMissBehaving
2 hours ago, mintteaa said:

This is definitely just a language thing, so there is no right answer, but I always thought that aesthetic attraction would just be finding someone nice to look at (I would use words like pretty) while "hot" is closer to words like "sexy" which people use to describe folks they are sexually attracted to. 

I’m asexual, but can still recognize when a person is what would be considered “hot” and might describe someone as such despite having zero desire to do the thing with them.

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