laLibby Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 So I'm very comfortable identifying as asexual, but the (a)romantic part I'm not so sure about, nor have I been since I discovered it all 5 years ago. Most of the attraction I feel towards others would be aesthetic or platonic. I love the idea of being in a QPR, and want to have a lifelong companion one day. I don't believe I experience romantic attraction, so I think I'm just aromantic. I also get really bad anxiety when others take a romantic interest in me. But I've had some experiences in the past where I've felt sad when someone I was platonically attracted to started dating someone. Like I didn't want to date that person instead, I just wish they weren't dating someone because they generally had less time/ cared less about me. And because I felt like the love I had to offer wasn't enough for them because it wasn't romantic. I thought the way I felt was kind of selfish, which I don't think an aromantic person would feel. I don't really know what this means (or if it means I'm not aro, just somewhere on the spectrum?). I know that the labels I choose are for myself, but I'd really love to hear some input from others. I've been struggling with this for years and it's frustrating for me. Link to post Share on other sites
- Saph - Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 I have started identify as aromantic by decoding past event. I was always very confused with my feelings so I would not swear to be a complete aromantic. What lead me to believe that I was romantic before was a confusion of admiration and aethetic attraction with romantic atttraction. There was no need to really bond with the person for a long term relationship... although I would love having lifelong friends. 1 hour ago, laLibby said: But I've had some experiences in the past where I've felt sad when someone I was platonically attracted to started dating someone. Like I didn't want to date that person instead, I just wish they weren't dating someone because they generally had less time/ cared less about me. And because I felt like the love I had to offer wasn't enough for them because it wasn't romantic. I thought the way I felt was kind of selfish, which I don't think an aromantic person would feel. I don't really know what this means (or if it means I'm not aro, just somewhere on the spectrum?). Being possessive or jealous does not means that you love someone. People tend to take this shortcut often which made me even more confused at the time. It may be platonic, aesthetic or just a personal reaction to loneliness. Link to post Share on other sites
LegolasAroAce Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Hey, I’m sorry that you are going through that. Figuring out your identity can be really rough. I have identified as Aro/Ace for some years now, and I can say that there have been lots of times when I’ve felt upset when close friends start dating, not because I’m romantically attracted to them, but because the dynamics of a friendship can change when one friend enters a dating relationship. Also I am occasionally romance repulsed and feel uncomfortable being around romance. Generally I try to focus on what I can control in those situations, like my response to my friends and also my other friendships. I don’t know if that helps, but I do think that aromantic or not that its a really normal and not-selfish response and doesn’t necessarily mean that you aren’t aro. Link to post Share on other sites
maybeimamazed Posted January 20, 2020 Share Posted January 20, 2020 Yeah, I think it's pretty normal for us aromantics to be upset when our friends have less time for us because of a romantic relationship. Because our friends and family are all we have. It's an overwhelming feeling of loneliness. Link to post Share on other sites
Lee the asexual panda Posted January 29, 2020 Share Posted January 29, 2020 On 1/19/2020 at 12:24 AM, laLibby said: But I've had some experiences in the past where I've felt sad when someone I was platonically attracted to started dating someone. Like I didn't want to date that person instead, I just wish they weren't dating someone because they generally had less time/ cared less about me. And because I felt like the love I had to offer wasn't enough for them because it wasn't romantic. I’ve been feeling the same lately. There’s this online friend that I love dearly and I thought I liked them romantically (I’m aroflux) but then I didn’t and we talked and decided not to try dating because of the distance and the online thing. It just wouldn’t work. But that just made me sad and whenever they talk about dating someone else I get very jealous. Like, I want to be their favorite person. I want to be the one to make them happy. I want their commitment to be to me. Not necessarily dating or romantic commitment, but I want the promise that they can’t leave me for someone else. Link to post Share on other sites
DarkStormyKnight Posted January 30, 2020 Share Posted January 30, 2020 Hey I'm gray-ro and I relate to a lot of what you said! I just don't necessarily think that being a little jealous or upset when your friend gets into a relationship means that you aren't aro, since I think that's a common sentiment. Especially since you mentioned that your non-romantic feelings might not be enough for them. It can be super hard to figure out what's going on, and you should definitely pick a label that's right for you. I tend to use gray-ro since I'm not sure what form of attraction I'm experiencing and only get crushes rarely, so maybe that's you as well, or maybe not. Link to post Share on other sites
Diana DeLuna Posted February 4, 2020 Share Posted February 4, 2020 On 1/19/2020 at 1:24 AM, laLibby said: So I'm very comfortable identifying as asexual, but the (a)romantic part I'm not so sure about, nor have I been since I discovered it all 5 years ago. Most of the attraction I feel towards others would be aesthetic or platonic. I love the idea of being in a QPR, and want to have a lifelong companion one day. I don't believe I experience romantic attraction, so I think I'm just aromantic. I also get really bad anxiety when others take a romantic interest in me. But I've had some experiences in the past where I've felt sad when someone I was platonically attracted to started dating someone. Like I didn't want to date that person instead, I just wish they weren't dating someone because they generally had less time/ cared less about me. And because I felt like the love I had to offer wasn't enough for them because it wasn't romantic. I thought the way I felt was kind of selfish, which I don't think an aromantic person would feel. I don't really know what this means (or if it means I'm not aro, just somewhere on the spectrum?). I know that the labels I choose are for myself, but I'd really love to hear some input from others. I've been struggling with this for years and it's frustrating for me. Me too. All of this. And I'm trying to figure out if I'm aro, too. 😕😟 Link to post Share on other sites
OwlsOfConfusion Posted February 7, 2020 Share Posted February 7, 2020 On 1/19/2020 at 1:24 AM, laLibby said: Most of the attraction I feel towards others would be aesthetic or platonic. I love the idea of being in a QPR, and want to have a lifelong companion one day. I don't believe I experience romantic attraction, so I think I'm just aromantic. I feel the exact same dilemma. On 1/19/2020 at 1:24 AM, laLibby said: And because I felt like the love I had to offer wasn't enough for them because it wasn't romantic. I thought the way I felt was kind of selfish, which I don't think an aromantic person would feel. I don't really know what this means I've been considering giving up on dating so many times because I feel that most people are romantic and I just don't want to hurt or use them. But then I still half-heartedly keep on going because it's what's expected? Link to post Share on other sites
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