never been comfortable with labels but finally I feel relieved to know I’m asexual 😀

[Poppiella]

I’ve just joined AVEN. I am  53 years old and throughout life have struggled with sex stuff which, in all honesty, I think has screwed me up.  Sex seems such a huge part of today’s society with body image, reality TV culture and all that it portrays that I’ve always felt an outsider and a bit of  an anomaly but as each day passes and with my own recognition that I am asexual,  and that’s ok, I feel invigorated that it may be possible that the person and not their sexual persona, is a valued characteristic. I will say this now - I am not a physically attractive person but intelligent, compassionate and caring. I feel that the whole sexual image and obsession puts such a barrier in the way of just relating from one human being to another - or a have I just got this wrong?

[AceMissBehaving]

It can be a little tricky at times. Sometimes I just kind of zone out of conversations when the topic turns to people’s personal sex lives for eg because I just can’t relate.

 

I’ve found I feel less disconnected since being open about my asexuality. Before my options were lie or tune out, these days I’ll sometimes add my perspective when talking with people I feel comfortable with, and who are interested in my outlook on things. 
 

I still feel uncomfortable sometimes, and like an outsider sometimes, but I’m learning that sometimes bonding with people isn’t so much about having a shared experience, as it is about being mutually interested in other people’s worlds.

[- Saph -]

4 hours ago, Poppiella said:

I feel that the whole sexual image and obsession puts such a barrier in the way of just relating from one human being to another - or a have I just got this wrong?

There are some barriers set by the current sexualized and gendered culture, like amatonormativity and sexism. There is almost no visibility on alternative kinds of happiness, far from the typical family. The world will become a better place if this visibility increases.

In my late 30s I have simply ignored relationships for a long time because I had no clue what I should focus my life on. I could fortunately find some inspiration here or by meeting with other aces. I have never been typical either for various reasons so I'm also still working on my self-confidence and body positivity. I can feel a stronger attraction to a person's character and kindness than aesthetic and gender so I try to extrapolate these thoughs to others (there should be other like me?) to give me some hope.

I wish you the best of luck with your journey.

[Lichley]

Welcome! Yeah sometimes it is like that, but there are ways to make it easier on yourself, like being honest about your own opinions on the matters, and having people who are ok with you zoning out during the sex talks.