Jump to content

Demi/grey ace and my allo best mate


SpirallingSnowy

Recommended Posts

SpirallingSnowy

Ok so it’s story time.

 

I have known S for over 20 years. 90% of the time we have known each other, one of us has been in a relationship. We have been happily coexisting, and over the years have become best mates. He was my Man of Honor at my wedding to my ex, we have been each other’s support system for a very long time. We have spent many many nights going on drives to the middle of nowhere, listening to music we both enjoy, talking each other’s ears off.

 

quite a few years ago, I had a crush on him, but I did nothing about it- he was probably also dating someone, and back then I didn’t know him like I do now. 
He is a smart ass blunt jerk who can piss off a lot of people, but he honestly one of the best people you could ever meet. If you need him, he will drop everything for you. If you are stuck he will help you out however he can, and on the inside he is a squishy marshmallow with similar health and mental health issues to me ( though he reckons I’m more crazy 😋). He is a volunteer firefighter who has spent the last 6 weeks saving other people’s  lives and property In the NSWbushfire crisis. When we go for a drive, like we did last night, the conversation is no effort, silence is not awkward, we shit stir and joke and it’s never ever awkward. Many friends have asked me if me and S have been together/dated etc and we haven’t - plenty didn’t believe me when I told them.
An ex bf , who S was a mutual friend, wouldn’t believe me when I told him that S and I were just friends, and so I asked S, knowing the answer, and I was right. S said no I’m like a sister. This was 10 years ago. S was the man of honor at my wedding in 2013.

 

I split from my ex husband last April. S and I went for a drive shortly after where I told him what happened. He told me that most of our mutual friends didn’t like my ex, put up with him for me, and when I asked S why did t he try and stop me, he said that I had seemed happy.

 

 

so up until a few drives ago, everything had been going on as usual.

 

a couple of drives ago ( like 3/4 months ago), as he was driving home after dropping me off, he started  dropping hints at wanting boob pics. I laughed it off and change the subject or just shook my head and thought nothing of it. I didn’t send him any because he had a gf. Given I used to have a masssive crush on him, and the last time I checked he saw me as a sister, I didn’t know what to make of it.

 

 

This brings us to last night.

 

so everything goes on like usual, talk each other’s ear off, laugh, joke, shit stir, the usual. Tells me towards the end of the drive that he had another story to tell me. Tells me the gf of 9 yrs broke up with him on NYE, when he was without power and reception fighting fires on the south coast of NSW. Via SMS, so he didn’t get till he was on his way home the next day. I am incredulous and say that’s total bulls shit that she did that to you etc. he told her he’s done chasing . she still wants to be friends . They still love each other though, which is understandable. He said he doesn’t feel sad for it ( which is probably cos she emotionally stuffed him around so much, and treated him, in my opinion, like crap), and feels somewhat relieved it’s done. She tried to break up with hi. So many times and he deserved better than her..... sounds familiar 😋

 

give each other our usual hug when he dropped me off at 10.30pm.We then have a long, late night conversation till 2.30 am( and he has to leave for work at 7.30am. ), where he asked for boob pics again, I got bashful and self conscious. He said you don’t need to be, it’s only just me.  So I sent them, recieved compliments, and conversation derailed into sexual stuff, where he told me he hadn’t seen boobs in a year, or had sex in a year, that I could of got them out in the car, they are always welcome, and both of us dealt with the resulting sexual tension, if you get my drift.

I also told him that he was a squishy marshmallow on the inside and he said shh don’t tell anyone I have an image to up hold , there was epic flirting despite both of us being rusty.

 

 

Now, after that wall of text, I wanna know, wtf do I do now.? I haven’t been single in 8 years, he hasn’t in 9. I don’t want to assume anything, but I have done friends with benefits where I wanted more and I got totally fucked over ( he wanted to date my friend , and she only wanted friends with benefits), and I don’t want to do that again, I don’t want to be in the position where I’m having sex with someone I’m emotionally invested in, and then they drop me for someone else. I can keep my emotions in check, even though I don’t really  want to. But does it sound like he just wants to scratch an itch, or that he’s finally realised what’s been sitting in front of him the whole time or what? I don’t want to assume anything but I needed a perspective from the outside, because the second I ask a friend it’s going to spread like wildfire. Help?!?!

Link to post
Share on other sites

Why not ask him what he's looking for? It could be anything but if you're that close surely you can simply ask and he will say if he is looking for just sex or a relationship?

Link to post
Share on other sites
SpirallingSnowy
51 minutes ago, Serran said:

Why not ask him what he's looking for? It could be anything but if you're that close surely you can simply ask and he will say if he is looking for just sex or a relationship?

I will, I just thought I would ask what it seemed like. Both of us have crippling anxiety. He’s only been split from his ex for less than 3 weeks, I don’t want it to get awkward before it even starts, whatever it is. I don’t want to be reading too much into it. 

Link to post
Share on other sites
1 minute ago, SpirallingSnowy said:

I will, I just thought I would ask what it seemed like. Both of us have crippling anxiety. He’s only been split from his ex for less than 3 weeks, I don’t want it to get awkward before it even starts, whatever it is. I don’t want to be reading too much into it. 

Well. If I had to guess I would say hE is lonely and sexually frustrated and you're comfortable for him. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

It sounds like a desperate move on his part. Why would he change his demeanor after so long? Also, it seems a bit degrading for someone that is a friend to start asking to see private pictures of you. That kind of attitude slams doors shut for me so I would not pursue that myself. Ultimately though, you have to decide your comfort zone. Good luck. Silence4now

Link to post
Share on other sites
SpirallingSnowy

Apologies my anxiety was playing up, I know how to look out for myself, but he didn’t want what I was worrying about. I just haven’t been single in a long time and was wondering if I was worrying for nothing. Stuff may or may not happen but I think we are on the same page now. 

Link to post
Share on other sites

Archived

This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.

×
×
  • Create New...