Junebug17 Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 Hello, First off, I have to say I am extremely excited to be joining this community. I am joining, because I am in a bit of a pickle! I am so tired of feeling like something is wrong with me and even more so with it becoming a catastrophic concept in my relationships. between a lack of good intellectual conversation and a pressure to have sex in ridiculous amounts. I have a question. Is there any "branch" of asexual people who while they REALLY don't enjoy sex or touch for that matter, find it easier in the beginning of a relationship, almost as if they are distracted from how uncomfortable and inconvenient sex can be (sometimes even repulsive). It is like I start out relationships in this phase and then become less and less intrigued with the thrill of this new person and quickly return to this comfort zone where my body is mine and I simply don't want to share it. I have been in several long term relationships and found that it starts and ends the same every time. I just enjoy the fun and excitement of getting to know someone and unfortunately in most relationships that includes sexually but I am able to "look past" that in the "honeymoon phase" which then leads to the inevitable attack that there is no way I am asexual because we have had sex. I dont know... I guess its a lot and I don't even really know how to phrase it and i'm not really sure that this even makes sense. I am really stumped and here is the run down, I am 24 years old. I have been in a relationship for 4 years with a guy who is alright, not for me, but he's alright. He is an extremely horny guy and in a typical situation, I would just say hasta luego amigo, but this is more complicated because after 3 months of knowing each other we got pregnant and now we have 2 little ones 7m and 2.5y. (the first one was a surprise, best surprise ever.) I am not sure where the compromise can be or if this is bound to fail and we are wasting our time. Has anyone seen or personally found a way for this to work. He doesn't want an open relationship and honestly I don't really either, which i suppose could be seen as selfish but I am not going to sit at home taking care of our kids while he's out bumping uglies with some other women. I sometimes try to do it just for him but it feels like i am doing myself a disservice and he, knowing that i don't really enjoy it, can no longer REALLY enjoy it. He says we can try to stay together while I work through it.... because he thinks it is all do to sexual trauma that I have experienced but I see it the other way, that the sexual trauma was a result of me really just not wanting to be touched. (long story) even if that was the case though I don't even really want to change this sexuality thing because it's like trying to tell someone who doesn't like chocolate that they are really missing out and they have to learn to like chocolate... They don't care... They don't like chocolate. Sorry for this novel and quite frankly it probably doesn't make sense and is both too much info and not enough lol. I just am in a hard spot. I feel alone. I feel like this is going to tear my family apart unless I just have sex because" i have to" or am supposed to I guess. Anyways. Thank you for this community. I really look forward to being a part of it. I look forward to feeling less weird and like a freak that everyone makes me out to be. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Welcome! Well really repulsed by sex sounds like sexual repulsion or sexual aversion. As for the slowly petering off part, I’ve heard of it before on here, but don’t know the exact term, it’s similar to lithromantic is though. Link to post Share on other sites
Junebug17 Posted January 19, 2020 Author Share Posted January 19, 2020 4 hours ago, Lichley said: Well really repulsed by sex sounds like sexual repulsion or sexual aversion. I think that sounds right but I try to be understanding that its a natural thing so I can tone it down but all in all I find myself making a face when I find myself in a situation that either warrants sexual activity or being brought into a sex store for example. My fiance just laughs at my facial expression and says its rude! DX I really can't help it. 4 hours ago, Lichley said: As for the slowly petering off part, I’ve heard of it before on here, but don’t know the exact term, it’s similar to lithromantic is though. As for this, Thanks for sharing this! It seems like it could fit me relatively well and I haven't looked into the aromantic spectrum! Thanks for the cake! Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Archived
This topic is now archived and is closed to further replies.