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I'm still not sure if i'm graysexual or demisexual


Zempoal

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So i just discovered that graysexuality and demisexuality are a thing, so i'm new into the world of the sexual attraction spectrum. Anyways, i'll try my best to summarize my story:

When i was a teenager, around 13, i discovered i was a bisexual man while seeing gay porn, after that i was confused about my sexuality because i only felt romantic attraction toward girls. I had a lot of platonic attractions back then, but never got engaged on a relationship or something because the idea of getting intercourse scared me (and still does) . Years went by and now i'm 21, living far away from my parents and studying at the university. I'm still a virgin and never been in a relationship. I've rejected two girls on diferent scenarios (one was in a party and the other with a friend when we were on acid) to have sex because i didn't feel aroused at all, i was making out with them but i felt a bit of repulsion so i stoped them when i couldn't handle more. Just one time i enjoyed making out with a girl because she's a friend and since i met her i felt sexually attracted to her, we almost had sex (or at least i wanted to) but she didn't want to keep going.

 

I never done something sexual with another man, but i fantazise and masturbate often with the idea, so i'm pretty sure i have a high libido when i'm alone, cause i masturbate frequently and i like to see porn. When i go to parties i don't expect to get laid with someone as most of my friends do, there my libido is very low. I've also tried to use tinder just to experiment, but i lose interest quickly because i don't feel the urge of meeting with a stranger and try to have sex with them.

 

I feel weird, none of my friends understands me, they give me advice on how to stop being a virgin and i don't know how to feel about it. I think is more important to them than to me, they just can't believe that sometimes i don't feel comfortable with sex! But i'm so confused because i do feel sexual attraction, but not always. It seems that when i'm alone with my thoughts i enjoy it more... I'm still waiting to find someone who is like me, someone with who'm i can experiment my sexuality freely.

 

Finding the term greysexuality and demisexuality gave me relief, now i don't feel alone because i identify with them and i know that a lot of people experience sexual attraction on a lot of ways! It's such a beautiful feeling to not feel weird and now i just want to understand myself better.

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letusdeleteouraccounts

A lot of what I read was pretty confusing so I’ll try my best.

 

Graysexual is an umbrella term for people who experience sexual attraction rarely and/or only under certain circumstances. Demisexual is a term that falls under this definition since the sexual attraction only happens after developing a strong emotional bond. So if you’re unsure about demi-bisexual, you could always stick with gray-bisexual.

 

I feel as if you might be confusing libido and sexual attraction in relation to sexuality. Libido is your need to satisfy yourself sexually; sexual attraction is your desire towards somebody to have sexual experiences with them. Your sexuality is who you’re sexually attracted to. You could masturbate to guy on a porn video and be aroused by him but it wouldn’t affect your sexuality unless you desired to have sexual relations with him (which it did seem like you were saying that you have capacity for). You could possibly just be regular bisexual with low libido in which I’ve heard of a good amount of people who have personally gone to places to increase their libido.

 

Then there’s the question of whether you’re sexually repulsed, indifferent, or favorable. One thing to note is that these three are not about who you’re attracted to. This is just a measure of your “sexual desire” or your desire for [partnered] sexual intimacy in general. Innately, sexual favorability is a desire to be sexually active while sexual repulsion is disinclination towards being sexually active. Sexual indifference is when you don’t desire to be sexually active nor have a disinclination towards it. It’s possible you could just be a sexually repulsed bisexual. Like I said, it was confusing what I read so I don’t have an exact answer based on the reading.

 

Just think about it and how you, yourself, feel like you fit or don’t fit in with all these things mentioned

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Not wanting casual sex isn't that weird. I know a lot of people who do not (male and female). I am not ace but no way could I have sex with a stranger at a party (ew). And sex is more a thing I desire from being close to someone. Just don't worry about the toxic college atmosphere of hookup culture and do whatever makes you happy. If you meet someone who you want and who wants you, great. If not, great. 

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5 hours ago, Star Lion said:

A lot of what I read was pretty confusing so I’ll try my best.

 

Graysexual is an umbrella term for people who experience sexual attraction rarely and/or only under certain circumstances. Demisexual is a term that falls under this definition since the sexual attraction only happens after developing a strong emotional bond. So if you’re unsure about demi-bisexual, you could always stick with gray-bisexual.

 

I feel as if you might be confusing libido and sexual attraction in relation to sexuality. Libido is your need to satisfy yourself sexually; sexual attraction is your desire towards somebody to have sexual experiences with them. Your sexuality is who you’re sexually attracted to. You could masturbate to guy on a porn video and be aroused by him but it wouldn’t affect your sexuality unless you desired to have sexual relations with him (which it did seem like you were saying that you have capacity for). You could possibly just be regular bisexual with low libido in which I’ve heard of a good amount of people who have personally gone to places to increase their libido.

 

Then there’s the question of whether you’re sexually repulsed, indifferent, or favorable. One thing to note is that these three are not about who you’re attracted to. This is just a measure of your “sexual desire” or your desire for [partnered] sexual intimacy in general. Innately, sexual favorability is a desire to be sexually active while sexual repulsion is disinclination towards being sexually active. Sexual indifference is when you don’t desire to be sexually active nor have a disinclination towards it. It’s possible you could just be a sexually repulsed bisexual. Like I said, it was confusing what I read so I don’t have an exact answer based on the reading.

 

Just think about it and how you, yourself, feel like you fit or don’t fit in with all these things mentioned

Sorry if it was confusing, english is not my native language and is my first time trying to explain this. Thank you for reading and giving me your advice! You explained everything perfectly

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5 hours ago, CBC said:

You sound like someone who doesn't want casual hookups and has some discomfort surrounding sex. Neither of which are uncommon experiences for sexual people. Unfortunately I can't tell you why you're uncomfortable since I know very little about you.

Yeah make sense. I just wanted to be more familiarized with the graysexuality umbrella

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4 hours ago, Serran said:

Not wanting casual sex isn't that weird. I know a lot of people who do not (male and female). I am not ace but no way could I have sex with a stranger at a party (ew). And sex is more a thing I desire from being close to someone. Just don't worry about the toxic college atmosphere of hookup culture and do whatever makes you happy. If you meet someone who you want and who wants you, great. If not, great. 

Thank you for the kind words! Now i don't care much as before about the "culture hookup" but still sometimes is awkward. 

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