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Gay but now I think I’m asexual?


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So I’m a guy who is gay. More often than not I’m told I’m  “very good looking” I’m always getting hit on by guys and even girls sometimes. I’ve been in a long relationship which did involve sex. It’s been about 3 years since that ended and I have no desire to date or have sex. I get asked out quite a bit because I’m social and do hang around gay guys. But I don’t have any desire to have sex with anyone or pursue any form of something that isn’t casual hanging out. I’ve been feeling so guilty lately because I don’t know what is going on. I don’t really feel sexual attraction towards male or female and I just come off as a prude. I love looking at good looking people and appreciate them but it’s just a dead end for me. Can anyone relate? Am I asexual? 

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Lord Jade Cross

There isnt anything "going on", you simply arent interested. I would imagine that in sexual attraction it doesnt differ from anything else. No matter how good something is potrayed as, if it holds no interest to you, you wont react to it.

 

And even if you were ace, that doesnt somehow cancel being gay. 

 

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Hi.

 

If it helps, @Slice of Ace is a homoromantic ace who has a YouTube channel, where he describes his experiences of being around other gay guys; how he felt different from others, growing up, etc. Perhaps, it'd help to check it out and see whether any of his videos are relatable for you.

 

AVEN also has a homoromantic aces chat thread. https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/161538-homoromantic-guys-chat/

 

:) It's totally normal to be both gay and asexual, a homoromantic ace; it's just not talked about as much, nor as well-known, in society. But, more and more gay aces are making their own YouTube videos, helping spread the word out to others, who might also be gay aces.

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50 minutes ago, cricks said:

So I’m a guy who is gay. More often than not I’m told I’m  “very good looking” I’m always getting hit on by guys and even girls sometimes. I’ve been in a long relationship which did involve sex. It’s been about 3 years since that ended and I have no desire to date or have sex. I get asked out quite a bit because I’m social and do hang around gay guys. But I don’t have any desire to have sex with anyone or pursue any form of something that isn’t casual hanging out. I’ve been feeling so guilty lately because I don’t know what is going on. I don’t really feel sexual attraction towards male or female and I just come off as a prude. I love looking at good looking people and appreciate them but it’s just a dead end for me. Can anyone relate? Am I asexual? 

Curious, did you ever have the desire for sex with your previous partner? 

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Welcome to AVEN! 🍰

As @LeChat mentioned, I do videos on asexuality and homoromanticism.

 

Your experience sounds pretty similar to mine. I find guys attractive, want to date them, and like cuddling and kissing, but sex just isn't on my radar. 

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18 hours ago, KrysLost said:

Curious, did you ever have the desire for sex with your previous partner? 

 

18 hours ago, CBC said:

Was just about to ask the same. If this is a change from previous interest/desire, it's likely something else is up.

I never had the desire. I mainly did it to keep the relationship. I always felt gross after honestly. I felt like I was losing my self validation each time if that makes sense. I went through a "hook up" phase last year where I tried to enjoy sex and it was just terrible. I felt horrible and I kept pushing myself to do it. It's almost been a year since I've had sex and I don't need or want it. 

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5 hours ago, cricks said:

 

I never had the desire. I mainly did it to keep the relationship. I always felt gross after honestly. I felt like I was losing my self validation each time if that makes sense. I went through a "hook up" phase last year where I tried to enjoy sex and it was just terrible. I felt horrible and I kept pushing myself to do it. It's almost been a year since I've had sex and I don't need or want it. 

Then you likely are asexual. 

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would you want to date someone if it did not lead to having sex?

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