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Carter76

Can’t understand if I’m asexual 15yr old male

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Carter76

I’m a 15yr old male and I go to a public school. I’m really struggling to understand what sexuality I am because of what I’m aroused by. I’ve been raised to know that’s there is no wrong or bad sexuality but I just want to be straight and get aroused over the common stuff. However, it doesn’t work. It isn’t very confusing I sometimes get aroused by straight porn but I can’t tell if it’s scenarios in my head or the actual thing on the screen. I don’t get hard over genitals but cannot tell over things like breasts or an arse. Sometimes I can but I just don’t know like I explained before. I believe I’m not gay because I like looking at breasts and arses but I’m not aroused over them and i do not get aroused over any boys. I want and like girls but I’m not sexually attracted to them I don’t think. I hate it and i know people will say you shouldn’t but I can get aroused over female dominance or women’s clothes. I don’t want to be a girl or anything it just arouses me. It’s really starting to take over my head and I’m starting to lose focus and becoming sad at moments. I need some good advice ha s anyone got some please. I have never shared this before with anyone’s and I can’t build myself to. 

 

Help. :(

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Star Lion

First, you have to make a distinction between sexual arousal and sexual attraction. Sexual arousal is a bodily response to sexual stimuli. Sexual attraction is a desire or urge towards someone to have sexual relations or interactions with them. Many asexuals experience sexual arousal to people without sexual attraction and we actually call them autochorrisexual. 

 

Ask yourself who you have been sexually attracted to (or who you’ve desired to have sexual interactions with) and who you believe you’d be sexually attracted to within the future based on those past experiences. You can use that to decide what label would fit you best.

 

Other things to note: It’s okay if you end up deciding you’re asexual and future experiences change that. Late blooming is always a possibility but I wouldn’t put a whole lot of weight on that possibility. Another thing is that a high percentage of asexuals are also straight, gay, or bi. This means that they don’t experience a desire towards people for sexual interactions but do, however, have desires towards people for romantic relationships

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uhtred

Also keep in mind that its not unusual for people's sexuality to continue to change as they age, sometimes into their 20s or later. 

 

Also at no point do you need to "decide" on your sexuality.  Just act based on how you feel - it doesn't need to fit some particular pattern

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KrysLost
26 minutes ago, Carter76 said:

I’m a 15yr old male and I go to a public school. I’m really struggling to understand what sexuality I am because of what I’m aroused by. I’ve been raised to know that’s there is no wrong or bad sexuality but I just want to be straight and get aroused over the common stuff. However, it doesn’t work. It isn’t very confusing I sometimes get aroused by straight porn but I can’t tell if it’s scenarios in my head or the actual thing on the screen. I don’t get hard over genitals but cannot tell over things like breasts or an arse. Sometimes I can but I just don’t know like I explained before. I believe I’m not gay because I like looking at breasts and arses but I’m not aroused over them and i do not get aroused over any boys. I want and like girls but I’m not sexually attracted to them I don’t think. I hate it and i know people will say you shouldn’t but I can get aroused over female dominance or women’s clothes. I don’t want to be a girl or anything it just arouses me. It’s really starting to take over my head and I’m starting to lose focus and becoming sad at moments. I need some good advice ha s anyone got some please. I have never shared this before with anyone’s and I can’t build myself to. 

 

Help. :(

Well just try what @Star Lion has said. It sounds like you're a sub with a couple kinks though when it comes to sexuality in the mind. So that's a start if you're desperate for sexuality.

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Carter76

I have the arousals I listed but that’s it. I’m just confused because I like what I see when a girl is naked but I’m not aroused apart from vaginas is normal for a straight person to think vaginas aren’t something to be aroused by. 

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Carter76
1 minute ago, KrysLost said:

Well just try what @Star Lion has said. It sounds like you're a sub with a couple kinks though when it comes to sexuality in the mind. So that's a start if you're desperate for sexuality.

What does sub mean and I’m just confused if I’m getting aroused by the thing in front of me or my mind wanders to what I already am aroused by.

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Star Lion
7 minutes ago, Carter76 said:

I have the arousals I listed but that’s it. I’m just confused because I like what I see when a girl is naked but I’m not aroused apart from vaginas is normal for a straight person to think vaginas aren’t something to be aroused by. 

I’m autochorrisexual; I get aroused by certain features of other guys such as them having a toned body. What makes me asexual is that I have no desire to be in a sexual situation with them (despite my arousal). Maybe it’s a similar scenario for you but with girls?

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Anthracite_Impreza
36 minutes ago, Carter76 said:

It’s really starting to take over my head and I’m starting to lose focus and becoming sad at moments.

This is an indication you need to step back, chill and focus on something else. I've dealt with mental health shit my entire life and you really don't need to be getting yourself into such a state over things that frankly, at your age and with not being in a relationship, don't even matter yet. You're 15, you're going through puberty and everything goes mad. Back away from it, get stuck into your schoolwork and hobbies, hang out with your mates. Honestly, it might seem a big deal now but I only really realised my orientation at 19/20, so there's loads of time to figure it out as it happens.

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KrysLost
5 hours ago, Carter76 said:

What does sub mean and I’m just confused if I’m getting aroused by the thing in front of me or my mind wanders to what I already am aroused by.

 o k 

 

 

You mentioned female dominance and I assumed you understood kinks/BDSM. Sorry but I don't think I should be telling an underage kid all about that. If you feel so inclined to look it up, enjoy. 

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Pan Ficto.
1 hour ago, KrysLost said:

underage

That's what's stressing me out too!! I really want to talk more with you @Carter76 to try to help, but I just worry about discussing sexual stuff with someone of a different gender than myself who is your age (I'm a 31 year old female-bodied fetishist, but I'm kind of disconnected from my arousal like what you seem to be describing).  I'm not sure what the process is meant to be around it given the age difference though :c Sorry!! But I hope you can find some answers and some comfort. Please just know that there's nothing wrong or shameful about what you're experiencing and you'll come to understand better as you get older!! Good luck :cake:

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LeChat

Hi.

 

There's another Sex Ed website called Scarleteen, for teens and young adults who are questioning their sexual orientation, romantic attraction, etc., with message boards and "Question and Answer" articles. Perhaps, browsing their questions and responses might help.

 

Since I don't/haven't felt attraction like you're describing, this feels like the only way I can offer some help.

 

https://www.scarleteen.com/tags/attraction

 

https://www.scarleteen.com/article/advice/untangling_a_gender_attraction_and_relationships_tangle

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Skycaptain

This is just a quick reminder. As everyone has done so far, thanks, can we remember that the OP is below the age of consent in many countries, including the USA where AVEN is based, and there are laws regarding the viewing of porn to be remembered as well. Skycaptain covering moderator Q&A

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Skycaptain

Having just put the above in, to cover the legals. 

 

At fifteen many people are still exploring sexuality and romanticism. The stereotypical teenager with a permanent hard-on tripping on testosterone wanting to boff anything that moves is mainly a myth. 

 

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