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Ham and cheese

Why do you think semisexal isn't a thing?

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Ham and cheese

I've read plenty about people saying semisexal shouldn't be valid or be used I want to know why

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CBC

God I haven't seen that word floating round since... 2010 maybe? Never seemed to take off, whereas 'demisexual' and 'grey-a' did. Have you seen it somewhere lately? What's your definition of 'semisexual'? How does it differ from anything people claim is denoted by those other terms?

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Philip027

What does this term convey that grey/greysexual doesn't already?

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CBC

Also why are there three versions of this thread? @FaerieFate or @MichaelTannock, you could probs delete the others.

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FaerieFate
13 minutes ago, CBC said:

Also why are there three versions of this thread? @FaerieFate or @MichaelTannock, you could probs delete the others.

Thank you for bringing this to my attention. :)

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Sinking_In

Probably because it sounds more circumstantial than a sexual orientation:

Semisexual: Someone who has a sexual attraction and is fully capable of experiencing romantic feelings towards someone but chooses to refrain from doing so due to discomfort or a strong feeling of being judged by someone else.

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CBC

So... semisexual just means you have hangups or anxiety? 🤨

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Philip027

I don't really see it as anything other than a more specific form of abstinence ¯\_(ツ)_/¯

 

And abstinence isn't asexuality, because abstinence means there's at least some part of you that desires sex (you can't abstain from something you don't want in the first place)

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CBC

Yeah it has nothing to do with asexuality if that's what it means, and it does a disservice to both asexuals and people struggling with anxiety/discomfort/whatever to associate the two.

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KrysLost

Because it isn't a thing. That's anxiety or celibacy. 

 

 

 

 

(wait are mods gonna murder murder me for this blunt reply? .>. idk if this counts as invalidation????)

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CBC
3 minutes ago, KrysLost said:

(wait are mods gonna murder murder me for this blunt reply? .>. idk if this counts as invalidation????)

Who knows. But what's described is very clearly anxiety, so...

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KrysLost
1 minute ago, CBC said:

Who knows. But what's described is very clearly anxiety, so...

*has anxiety* 

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CBC
Just now, KrysLost said:

*has anxiety* 

It's 2020, who doesn't. 😂

 

(Shhh people, I'm not making light of anxiety disorders. I live with several myself.)

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Anthracite_Impreza

Yeah not being funny but that's just... anxiety. And I have anxiety, about everything. I have generalised anxiety disorder, performance anxiety, specific phobia and social anxiety, I'm most certainly not making light of it.

 

... but anxiety isn't an orientation, it's a challenge at best and disorder at worst. An orientation is the way in which you swing.

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CBC
2 minutes ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

... but anxiety isn't an orientation, it's a challenge at best and disorder at worst. An orientation is the way in which you swing.

What if you're attracted to anxious people. :ph34r:

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timewarp

Yayyyyyyyy, yet another label to look into when I have time. I'll put it on my bucket list.

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Anthracite_Impreza
4 minutes ago, CBC said:

What if you're attracted to anxious people. :ph34r:

Then you've just broken my example and I shall have to have your head for it.

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CBC
1 minute ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

Then you've just broken my example and I shall have to have your head for it.

That's fair, I'm not using it for much these days. 😂

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Anthracite_Impreza
Just now, CBC said:

That's fair, I'm not using it for much these days. 😂

That made me laugh way more than it should've done. Here's a corgi using its head in a productive fashion to inspire you.

Spoiler

2kueViGJwnMlbZA-RPIkxpdUEWmkOS6jTvBgDMrG

 

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CBC
1 minute ago, Anthracite_Impreza said:

That made me laugh way more than it should've done. Here's a corgi using its head in a productive fashion to inspire you.

  Hide contents

2kueViGJwnMlbZA-RPIkxpdUEWmkOS6jTvBgDMrG

 

Thank you, that seems like an excellent use. :D 
 

I feel like I'll remember your corgi offerings for the rest of my life. Which is certainly not a complaint.

 

Um... something something semisexual something back on track sorry mods.

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LeChat

:unsure: A few sites seem to give completely different definitions for "semisexual." It's confusing, and I'm sure it's confusing for others, too, who are trying to educate themselves and read about LGBT+ definitions.

 

From https://thoughtcatalog.com/lisa-woods/2015/09/pansexual-and-11-other-new-sexual-identities-you-might-not-know-about-yet/

Quote

...Semisexual: They like sex and maybe even want to have it sometimes but they’re into the idea enough to actually go through with the act...

 

From https://www.urbandictionary.com/define.php?term=semisexual

Quote

semisexual

 

Someone who feels sexual attraction but has no desire to act on it.
Someone who does not feel sexual attraction but has a libido.

 

From what used to be aminoapps.com › lgbt-1 › page › item › semisexual (This page, showing at the top of internet searches, doesn't exist, anymore.)

Quote

...Semisexual: Somebody who is fluid in regards to sexual attraction. Someone who has a sexual attraction and is fully capable of experiencing romantic and feelings towards someone but chooses to refrain from doing so due to discomfort or a strong feeling of being judged by someone else.

 

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CBC

How about... we just decide not to use it.

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thyristor
13 minutes ago, LeChat said:

 

From https://thoughtcatalog.com/lisa-woods/2015/09/pansexual-and-11-other-new-sexual-identities-you-might-not-know-about-yet/

Quote

...Semisexual: They like sex and maybe even want to have it sometimes but they’re into the idea enough to actually go through with the act...

 

This one didn't even care to correct errors, since they left out a little negation in the second part of the sentence... "they're into the idea enough to go through"

 

 

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KrysLost

Yea no, semisexual is not a label that has any use or merit. Let's just leave it at that. 

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Pan Ficto. (on hiatus?)

I didn't even know what this was until reading through this thread, it actually sounds like me, haha!!!

 

I wouldn't use the term though because 1) people would look at me funny and 2) I'd then have to explain what it is anyway, so I may as well just explain it from the start.

 

Saying "I really like the idea of certain sex acts but not enough to actually go through with having them" is simple enough and really sums things up nicely without needing to use a label no one has heard of ^_^

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AceMissBehaving
3 hours ago, CBC said:

How about... we just decide not to use it.

What if we use it as a honeypot for the not really asexual asexuals?

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CBC
3 minutes ago, AceMissBehaving said:

What if we use it as a honeypot for the not really asexual asexuals?

I think we have a winner. :D 

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Skycaptain

Looking at the definitions put forward, I get the impression that semisexual is elective, rather than innate. 

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Nowhere Girl
2 hours ago, Skycaptain said:

Looking at the definitions put forward, I get the impression that semisexual is elective, rather than innate. 

So what? Is choice a bad thing?

I'm not defending the "semisexual" label, I agree that it's a perfect example of a situation when an explanation is better than a label, but I absolutely reject the idea that asexuality should be accepted because it's supposedly an inborn trait. Never having sex is as good (in the moral sense) as having sex, so regardless of the reasons why I don't want to have sex with anyone, other people have to respect it.

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CBC

If "semisexuality" is an issue related to discomfort or anxiety or whatever, it almost seems like it isn't fully a choice. I mean, engaging in sexual activity is a choice of course (other than in cases of rape/abuse), and no way am I using that as a basis to argue that it's an orientation, but as someone who struggles with various anxiety disorders, the choices I make when anxious and uncomfortable certainly aren't choices made with a clear head and a rational perspective. Which to me means that if you're choosing not to have sex due to anxiety that you can't get a handle on, even though you want to, there's a fear issue that needs to be dealt with. Ideally, anyway. I guess it's a choice to let fear drive your life decisions, but I've lived that way for a long time and it's stressful and unfulfilling and empty. So my conclusion is that "semisexuality" is likely not an optimally healthy way to be living if you're denying yourself something that, underneath the fear, you actually want. And that's why I don't think it needs an orientation-style label. Just call it what it is -- anxiety.

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