Maryam aziz Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Are there any conservative practising muslims here? How did your family feel how your asexuality? Many asexuals say to date but as a practising muslim who only considers marriage how do you deal with the sadness of the probability of not marrying because of asexuality and sex repulsion? Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I'm not Muslim, but I suggest asexual dating sites. After all, it's cruelty to expect a person to not even know their future partner before marriage. You can write that you're a Muslim, that you want to marry and are looking for a likewise asexual partner. Absolutely don't force yourself to have sex. It would equal self-harm. And eternal shame on people who expect others to endure unwanted sex - particularly if the person in question is sex-repulsed and for them sex is much worse than just "unwanted". Link to post Share on other sites
LoneasexualWolfess Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I feel you! Trust me, I know where you're coming from. I haven't told my family openly about my asexuality, and only my sister and few close friends know about it. Even then, they don't understand it much. I don't think they'll ever be able to understand. So I can see where your fears are coming from. Asexuality, per say, is not something that is condemned in a Muslim society because that's basically just not feeling sexual attraction to anyone. But in this over-sexualized world like ours, this can lead to a feeling of alienation. Cultural pressure of getting married/have sex is always present. I'm sorry that I don't have the answer to your question about sadness of improbability of potential marriage as i'm still trying to figure out the answers myself. But what I do know is this, you are lovable. You are valid, your fears of intimacy are valid!! Try for independence, if you can manage. Explore you asexuality more. You'll be surprised how research (and opening up to people!) can open flexible dimensions around which we can wrap or mold our brains. Perhaps you'll find a ground to stand on... And even if you can't, don't feel alone. Thinking of you. best wishes Link to post Share on other sites
Yoruka Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 I mourned the fact I'd never have the connection to such activities back in the day. I actually was really intrigued by such relationships - I never read romantic novels, because TED-ED taught me some valuable things (not today Wattpad) - and I thought about all the directions mine would lead. I come from a Somali background, so by lowkey patriarchal culture, it's hella shameful. Luckily, I never really felt shame after I turned ten so that was that. I was still researching asexuality so I was on the LGBTQ+ Amino (thankfully left, the smaller ones are much better) and Mum looked over my shoulder, after banning me from the tablet for a while because she had discovered asexuality and she considers that gross. So, asexuality is seen as a shameful thing, though we can't be dating? Sex and both the lack of sexual attraction being viewed as disgusting seems pretty stupid. I'm in Narnia now with my parents knowing about it. Of course my sister knows - she's a closeted pan. She actually had a meltdown because she worried she'd be damned. She's still a firm believer though, after my comfort. I will tell my other younger sister when she's older because she keeps asking me why I call myself an ace. Mum and I speak a lot of Somglish, so a lot of my terminology speaking with siblings goes over her head. I see sex as very disgusting anyway, but I'm still very touchy with people and I'm not judgemental of people's relationships (I used to be, but not now, thankfully). Looking back on this a few minutes later, I'd like to say that women in other patriachal cultures don't get such abilities to education like me. For instance, their rights to sexual pleasure and all that. The obsession with purity and honour. Arranged marriage and aunties definitely fuel that. I wonder any conservative (or former) Muslims could speak about that more on here? Link to post Share on other sites
ZinxtheJinx Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 My family doesn't practice arrange marriage, though I'm still expected to get married and have a few spawns eventually. Its conflicting to balance asexuality and faith due to the inevitable pressure of marriage and sexual intercourse. You can try some asexual sites catered to dating or friendship - though dating is forbidden but thats mainly because dating implies pre-marital intercourse but of course we don't roll that way. I understand how hard it is to hide in the closet and shaming the family just because you want to be happy but Inshallah you'll get through it/ Link to post Share on other sites
WolfDreamer Posted January 24, 2020 Share Posted January 24, 2020 welcome🎂 Link to post Share on other sites
Atlantis Posted March 6, 2020 Share Posted March 6, 2020 I haven't told my parents yet, but since I'm still in college I don't think it's necessary right now (although the comments from my mom about kids and marriage have gotten irritating). I think I'm also aromantic, and I never wanted to get married or have kids in the first place (and I wouldn't be open to it unless the other person was asexual too). The potential for loneliness in the future is there though. In addition to the ace dating sites, I've seen recommendations to find hobbies to focus on as well or find something you really like to do and channel your time into that. On 1/17/2020 at 2:51 AM, Nowhere Girl said: After all, it's cruelty to expect a person to not even know their future partner before marriage. According to what my parents did and told me, there's a "dating" period (without touching, it's more or less just talking I think) where the two people meet and get to know each other before deciding on marriage. When people get married without knowing their future partner, it's more of a cultural thing than a religious thing. Link to post Share on other sites
everywhere and nowhere Posted March 7, 2020 Share Posted March 7, 2020 On 1/24/2020 at 5:57 AM, ZinxtheJinx said: though dating is forbidden but thats mainly because dating implies pre-marital intercourse Which is dumb. People can do what they want when dating and the most unfortunate thing is that our families often don't even trust us when we say that "we have only been talking" or "we're not even dating, we are just friends". Can be dangerous in very conservative families and just annoying in liberal families, when they think that they know us better than we know ourselves just because they can't imagine nonsexual dating and young people who aren't trying to use every opportunity to shag... Although, certainly the meaning - or better: common understanding - of the word "dating" has become much more sexualised. Recently I've been listening to a few of Swankivy's "Letters to an Asexual" and in one she says that some users - acephobic, or just people who feel compelled to pick on somebody - have written to her with comments implying that it's somehow "wrong" to use OK Cupid to look for new friends "because it's a dating site!". (OK Cupid does provide an option for "friendship", it's a very versatile site which can be used for different purposes - including finding friends.) And she commented, with a bit of irony, that OK Cupid has an option for people looking for casual sex and, in fact, this isn't "dating" either, but somehow those commenters only have an issue with aro-aces using the site... Probably, I would say, because a lot of people think of casual sex as a form of "dating" too and don't recognise that it's something different... I sometimes detect such mental reflexes in myself... not really an assumption that teenage dating = teenage sex, rather a suspicion. I always tend to think that really, age such as 13 is too early for any dating. No, I don't assume that dating 13-year-olds are having sex and I hope that the vast majority of people of that age don't have sex because it's much, much, much too early and therefore illegal for a reason. I would rather say that 13-year-olds should concentrate on a) learning, and b) using the remainder of their childhood for more childlike activities - they will have time for dating later and (although I believe that people at all ages are "allowed" to do childish things, I am 38 years old and enjoy some children's books, films and games, swings, funfairs, sleds...) they might discover that, at least in case of childish activities which require more than one person, they have no one to play with anymore... But I also think that a small part of my suspicion stems from the sexualisation of the very word "dating". Link to post Share on other sites
ZinxtheJinx Posted March 18, 2020 Share Posted March 18, 2020 We live in a overly sexualized world. I can’t talk to the opposite sex regularly without certain people thinking me and the guy would have sexual intentions. If I do something innocent, it’s somehow sexual. Like people need to stop assuming sex is everything because it’s not and it shouldn’t be. It’s hard to even be yourself because of their toxicity. Link to post Share on other sites
Asal Posted November 19, 2020 Share Posted November 19, 2020 @Maryam aziz i am ace and muslim..... no one knows am ace,,,,, am a man so a bit easier for me but still it is what is...... Allah will help us dont be sad... stay positive and trust Allah... all will be better... which country are u from??? u can download aceapp on ur phone from appstore.... lots of muslim aces on it Link to post Share on other sites
Daya Posted July 20, 2021 Share Posted July 20, 2021 I'm also an asexual Muslim woman; however, my parents are uneducated, making it impossible to explain the existence of sexual orientations other than straight and gay to them. I only told my older sister, who advised me to seek treatment and pray to God for healing. However, after doing her own research, she came to understand me and became my most trusted ally. You need someone to be there for you, whether it's a family member or another ace; check if they can understand you, and then attempt to tell them. The fact that my sister now knows and has accepted me is such a relief and you should have that too. Link to post Share on other sites
Didi-9 Posted October 20, 2021 Share Posted October 20, 2021 Asal.... which app is that? I could not find it. There are a bunch of ACE apps on there but mainly they are for education, or some companies. Thank you. Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted October 24, 2021 Share Posted October 24, 2021 On 10/20/2021 at 2:05 AM, Didi-9 said: Asal.... which app is that? I could not find it. There are a bunch of ACE apps on there but mainly they are for education, or some companies. Thank you. Hello! This is an old thread from 2020, so I'm going to have to guess that it might be an app like this: ACEapp - Asexual Social Network - Free download and software reviews - CNET Download (for blind, sight-impaired members, the following is written in mod green) Hello, everyone! Since this is an old thread from 2020, I'm afraid I'm going to have to lock it, due to necromancy (so that other members don't continue to be confused about thinking it's a recent thread from a new member, asking for help/advice, etc.) Thank you, for your patience, understanding, etc. Of course, you're welcome to start a new thread! Thanks. LeChat Welcome Lounge moderator Link to post Share on other sites
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