GhostiePeg Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Hey, so I've been thinking about my gender a lot lately and I've never been more confused. For a long while, I've gone from gender-fluid to demigirl but feel more at home in gender-fluid, but for months I've looked at being trans. Growing up, I was only raised by one female figure, and she wasn't around much, I was surrounded by a tom-boy mother and guys. Lately, I've wanted to be more male than female but I've been wanting to be feminine at the time too. When people say 'she' , referring to me, I always feel uncomfortable because I would prefer they just use they or them instead while I figure it out. Looking at it all, I want to be male but I don't want to express it because the female figure is not approving of it. How do I buy things without people noticing is actually my question. Thanks to whom ever reads this! Link to post Share on other sites
Sarah-Sylvia Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 31 minutes ago, GhostiePeg said: Hey, so I've been thinking about my gender a lot lately and I've never been more confused. For a long while, I've gone from gender-fluid to demigirl but feel more at home in gender-fluid, but for months I've looked at being trans. Growing up, I was only raised by one female figure, and she wasn't around much, I was surrounded by a tom-boy mother and guys. Lately, I've wanted to be more male than female but I've been wanting to be feminine at the time too. When people say 'she' , referring to me, I always feel uncomfortable because I would prefer they just use they or them instead while I figure it out. Looking at it all, I want to be male but I don't want to express it because the female figure is not approving of it. How do I buy things without people noticing is actually my question. Thanks to whom ever reads this! Hi Well, it's always a bit complicated if you look at how others treat you or if they approve of you or not. The most important is how YOU feel inside and what feels truer to you. Also, being feminine and masculine is different from being male or female. It's an important distinction because you could be male but feminine, or female and masculine (tomboy), or any combination. Any person with any gender can have a range of how they can be, and that can be fluid, but the question is how does it feel deep inside you, and how do you feel to live as a man? how about a woman? And does that corer identity change? And how do you feel when it does? It's ok for it to take time, and to explore and discover yourself more. It took me a long time to see myself as transwoman rather than gender fluid or androgynous, and my trek still isn't done. It takes the time it does Link to post Share on other sites
anisotrophic Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 You can physically transition without needing to be binary. (Not sure if that was the question??) Buying clothes feels transgressive until you realize nobody cares. Actually it's even better than that, I discovered sometimes the guys that manage men's clothing are queer and super supportive. (It was super affirming!) Binders you can get online. Link to post Share on other sites
frostboot Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Yeah, gender can be a little shit sometimes. What I did when I was questioning, and continue to do now as well, was to just call myself trans, plain and simple. Gender fluid, demigirl, trans man all fall under the trans umbrella and it can be a relief to not have to specifically label it. Wanting to be feminine or masculine doesn't necessarily have anything to do with your gender identity, as it's all about how you feel on the inside rather than how you present. I'm not sure how to answer your last question. There's no way to buy clothes "without anyone noticing", but if you go to the men's section you'll soon find out that people at the store don't care. People may treat you differently, depending on where you live, but all-in-all I think that many trans people end up realizing that it wasn't as bad as they had anticipated. If you want to get a binder to flatten your chest I recommend gc2b. I hope you figure it all out. Welcome to AVEN! 🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
Bloc Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 On 1/17/2020 at 7:36 AM, frostboot said: I'm not sure how to answer your last question. There's no way to buy clothes "without anyone noticing", but if you go to the men's section you'll soon find out that people at the store don't care. People may treat you differently, depending on where you live, but all-in-all I think that many trans people end up realizing that it wasn't as bad as they had anticipated. I can second this. The most strange looks I get from boyfriends/husbands of women shopping there. The store clerks usually only point me to men's section once and leave me alone after that. Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 It becomes difficult to hide clothing purchase the more anybody does so. Though I find physically going in a store myself, try things on and buy in person. Then it’s a matter of hiding it at home, but eventually those clothes need to get washed etc... So instead I’ve accepted I can’t hide what I wear that’s different to my sex and that the family accept I am dressing differently the majority of the time. Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted January 18, 2020 Share Posted January 18, 2020 On 1/16/2020 at 9:21 PM, GhostiePeg said: ...How do I buy things without people noticing is actually my question... Well, when other customers would stare, I would just mentally tell myself that, for all they know, I'm just browsing or trying to buy clothes for a partner ( who doesn't exist) or family member; it would help me feel a little less awkward about being stared at, nervous about shopping, etc. Eventually, after several years, I've gotten used to it and have learned not to feel as nervous. It's like, "Oh, yeah. Some people like to stare at/gossip about me; well, that's nothing new." 16 hours ago, Bloc said: ...The most strange looks I get from boyfriends/husbands of women shopping there... That's interesting. For me, it's usually the opposite: boyfriends/husbands don't generally stare at me or gossip about what sex I am; it's mostly women. 3 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said: ...the family accept I am dressing differently the majority of the time... That's good. Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted January 19, 2020 Share Posted January 19, 2020 Don't know if it's normal where you live, but here at least, a lot of women shop for clothes for their male partner, or sons, so if you pretend to be confident that's what people will deduce. Staff sometimes point me to the 'right' aisle, but generally do it only once, and then leave me alone, they have to sell stuff after all. Link to post Share on other sites
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