No_name_ Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 So I'm agender and started wearing a binder about two months ago and before I would wear skirts all the time but now I cant bring myself to wear one. I still love the skirt aesthetic but every morning I think about wearing a skirt and then I pick ripped jeans instead. Does this happen to anyone else? A sudden switch from wanting to wear feminine things to being completely unmotivated to wear feminine clothes? Link to post Share on other sites
thyristor Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 Do you just "think about wearing a skirt" as in it being a habit, or do want to pick a skirt but end up picking jeans? If it's the latter, then this might be related, otherwise the following is rather off topic: I don't have this experience with clothes or even related to gender, but I frequently experience wanting to listen to some music, like when I'm in a bad mood, and I need destraction or some soothing chords, and I even know which song I'd pick, I can even go all the way to having it ready to play on my iPod or smartphone, with only pressing the play button being left to do, and it feels like, I'm afraid to do it. I stare at it for a second or two and then abandon the idea of listening to music all together, as if it weren't available to me somehow. I'm still struggeling to understand what it is I feel. Maybe, I feel sorry for myself, and by starting the song, I would have to either feel comforted, that is, no longer having excuses for anything, or I would experience a failure, that is, the one method I try to comfort myself didn't work as intended. But it doesn't seem to be very good thinking on my behalf. Link to post Share on other sites
Galactic Turtle Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 Sounds like you've just narrowed your frame of mind. Anyone can wear whatever clothes they want. But if you're looking to present yourself differently that's fine too. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 Gender expression is separate from gender, so wear whatever you feel like wearing. Maybe you never wanted to wear skirts in the first place but because you associated them with femininity and you felt a lack of that as an agender person, you wore them. Humans have stuck masculine and feminine labels on things that are genderless - did you know high heels were initially worn by men and that pink was considered a masculine color? Skirts may just not be your thing and it's not necessary to rationalize why. Link to post Share on other sites
Ailepho Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 43 minutes ago, antisocial_shut_in said: So I'm agender and started wearing a binder about two months ago and before I would wear skirts all the time but now I cant bring myself to wear one. I still love the skirt aesthetic but every morning I think about wearing a skirt and then I pick ripped jeans instead. Does this happen to anyone else? A sudden switch from wanting to wear feminine things to being completely unmotivated to wear feminine clothes? Yes! It happens to me a lot, so now I’ve stopped trying to pick out what tomorrow’s outfit for school will be. It always depends on how I’m feeling that day (and what the temperature is). I’m actually wearing a skirt right now, and I’m really happy in it (although I do feel like I’m in drag). Sometimes, though, I just prefer shorts or pants. I’ve been pretty “feminine” lately (though I’m not a fan of describing things as feminine or masculine 🥴). Link to post Share on other sites
No_name_ Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 5 minutes ago, Moon Spirit ☽ said: Gender expression is separate from gender, so wear whatever you feel like wearing. Maybe you never wanted to wear skirts in the first place but because you associated them with femininity and you felt a lack of that as an agender person, you wore them. Humans have stuck masculine and feminine labels on things that are genderless - did you know high heels were initially worn by men and that pink was considered a masculine color? Skirts may just not be your thing and it's not necessary to rationalize why. I've never really associated skirts with Being female tho, to me they really are just clothes. Which is why I'm confused. Ive always liked skirt because they suit my body type and growing up my favorite character wears them and shes a badass. I feel bad cause I have all these skirts but no motivation to wear them Link to post Share on other sites
No_name_ Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 36 minutes ago, elisabeth_II said: Do you just "think about wearing a skirt" as in it being a habit, or do want to pick a skirt but end up picking jeans? If it's the latter, then this might be related, otherwise the following is rather off topic: I don't have this experience with clothes or even related to gender, but I frequently experience wanting to listen to some music, like when I'm in a bad mood, and I need destraction or some soothing chords, and I even know which song I'd pick, I can even go all the way to having it ready to play on my iPod or smartphone, with only pressing the play button being left to do, and it feels like, I'm afraid to do it. I stare at it for a second or two and then abandon the idea of listening to music all together, as if it weren't available to me somehow. I'm still struggeling to understand what it is I feel. Maybe, I feel sorry for myself, and by starting the song, I would have to either feel comforted, that is, no longer having excuses for anything, or I would experience a failure, that is, the one method I try to comfort myself didn't work as intended. But it doesn't seem to be very good thinking on my behalf. I plan to wear a skirt and the whole outfit the night before, but when itd time to put it on I pick up some jeans Link to post Share on other sites
No_name_ Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 4 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said: Yes! It happens to me a lot, so now I’ve stopped trying to pick out what tomorrow’s outfit for school will be. It always depends on how I’m feeling that day (and what the temperature is). I’m actually wearing a skirt right now, and I’m really happy in it (although I do feel like I’m in drag). Sometimes, though, I just prefer shorts or pants. I’ve been pretty “feminine” lately (though I’m not a fan of describing things as feminine or masculine 🥴). I feel like since that last time I wore a skirt I felt like a child since it was really kiddish looking and I didnt like it that I'm scared to wear one again. I'm going to try to force myself to wear one and hopfully I'll feel better Link to post Share on other sites
Ailepho Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 7 minutes ago, antisocial_shut_in said: I feel like since that last time I wore a skirt I felt like a child since it was really kiddish looking and I didnt like it that I'm scared to wear one again. I'm going to try to force myself to wear one and hopfully I'll feel better You can try to wear a skirt to see if you feel better, but remember, if it makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to do it. The skirt I’m wearing is just below knee-length. My friend likes to call it my grandma skirt, my sister likes the skirt cause she says it looks like a skirt from the 20’s (US), and I think the skirt is too big for me but I like it cause it’s slightly plain with stripes of colors all around (I wish I could show you a picture, it’s really beautiful)😅. I don’t know what your skirts look like, but maybe you could find one that looks older/more adult-like so you don’t feel childish? I know that I can’t stand short skirts at all! For me, they must be around/at least knee length or more. Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 I've gone the other way around, didn't like skirts or dresses as a teen and in my early 20s, couldn't see myself wearing them, felt wrong in all sorts of ways, I also hated having boobs and would wear sport bras to make them practically vanish. I learnt about the whole gender thing when I was 19 but I've known that I'm not a "girly" person since I was a kid (I even said to my mother that I didn't really "feel like a girl", however that should feel, I still don't get it). And since I didn't feel girly: heck, I wouldn't "dress like a girl". I don't really like gender labels but for the sake of this thread: I'm genderless. Now, as I've grown older (I'll be 28 this year), I've "calmed down" quite a bit. I started wearing skirts about 1.5 years ago and realised I loved them, I also realised that I didn't actually mind having boobs anymore either. Now I don't even mind having slight curves! I still don't feel like anything at all, just a thought in a vessel, but it's like I suddenly just chilled. I suppose that the whole "skirts are for cis girls" and "you shouldn't like having an obviously female body when you're not cis" (that no one really says out loud but you still pick up when gender is discussed) affects how you feel about things, and I've just grown out of caring about what others think. Anyway, dress however you like, your body is yours to decorate however you please, don't let others affect how you feel. Link to post Share on other sites
No_name_ Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 9 minutes ago, Earth and Moon said: You can try to wear a skirt to see if you feel better, but remember, if it makes you uncomfortable, you don’t have to do it. The skirt I’m wearing is just below knee-length. My friend likes to call it my grandma skirt, my sister likes the skirt cause she says it looks like a skirt from the 20’s (US), and I think the skirt is too big for me but I like it cause it’s slightly plain with stripes of colors all around (I wish I could show you a picture, it’s really beautiful)😅. I don’t know what your skirts look like, but maybe you could find one that looks older/more adult-like so you don’t feel childish? I know that I can’t stand short skirts at all! For me, they must be around/at least knee length or more. 16-18 inches work best for me for length. A few inches above the knee. I really like Korean style skirts, like the tennis skirt but they are always too short 😒 I really like the maxi ones too with a baggy sweat on it but I dont feel like I could pull it off😅 Link to post Share on other sites
Acing It Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 1 hour ago, antisocial_shut_in said: So I'm agender and started wearing a binder about two months ago and before I would wear skirts all the time but now I cant bring myself to wear one. I still love the skirt aesthetic but every morning I think about wearing a skirt and then I pick ripped jeans instead. Does this happen to anyone else? A sudden switch from wanting to wear feminine things to being completely unmotivated to wear feminine clothes? Could it be because your gender focus has changed or changes when you wear a binder? Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 @antisocial_shut_in It sounds like your personal style has changed, which can happen with anyone regardless of gender. I wouldn't over-think it, just wear what feels natural to you. Link to post Share on other sites
thyristor Posted January 16, 2020 Share Posted January 16, 2020 But how come you feel like one thing in the evening, when you pick your clothes, including a skirt, and then feel another thing in the morning? Maybe you could try picking a skirt in the evening and actually trying it on before you go to sleep, to know whether it feels not like you in the evening already. I never had the habit of picking my clothes the evening before. When I was in my teens I was spending a lot of time picking clothes in the morning. I always tried to theme them in some way, all yellow, or all patterned, or goth style, or african style, hippie style, or whatnot. It definitely didn't always look good, since I cared less about the appearance (wearing vanilla yellow and lemon yellow together looks, well, uh... nvm... ) and more about actually fulfilling some sort of logic with the combination. Nowadays I'm just so glad I'm wearing uniform 60% of the days on average, so I don't have to think. Link to post Share on other sites
PoeciMeta Posted January 17, 2020 Share Posted January 17, 2020 Personally, I'm all for skirts being de-gendered, so I'd feel better, or more at peace with wearing them. I'm agender and afab too, by the way. Maybe since you bind, you somehow feel like you shouldn't wear skirts, unconsciously? It may also be that you just prefer jeans, which is fine. Link to post Share on other sites
Beanie7 Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 Personally, i hate skirts and would always wear jeans. I dont think wearing jeans should at all be considered non-femenine. People who are female are not born liking things we believe to be femenine, they just tend to because that is what we are expected and often forced to wear and its stupid. Im a girl and i hate dresses and skirts but am still just as much of a girl as those who like dresses. Link to post Share on other sites
Janus the Fox Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 I like skirts and good fitting fem skinny jeans as a AMAB bodied transitioning agender Link to post Share on other sites
Bloc Posted January 23, 2020 Share Posted January 23, 2020 7 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said: I like skirts and good fitting fem skinny jeans as a AMAB bodied transitioning agender The same,but it is difficult to find good fitting skinny jeans where tucking is enough to hide your dick. Link to post Share on other sites
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