asexual or not in the mood yet?

[leafolive]

Hi! I recently entered a relationship with a girl who is very much into the idea of having sex. She makes sex jokes and flirts in a very sexual way and I started noticing that I didn't enjoy that idea as much as her, and after talking to some friends I almost convinced myself that I just wasn't in the mood, but something deep inside me kept telling me that there was something more.

I began to do a little more research on asexuals and the spectrum and I have a few questions I hope some of you can answer

1- I do masturbate, it's not frequent and normally only because of my insomnia or being bored at night. I've seen people here saying that that's something that some asexuals do, but still is nice to ask people's opinion 

2- I find people hot and sexy, but not in "wow I want to have sex so bad with them" but in a more "they have a nice body" or "they look very handsome/beautiful" kind of way

 

hope someone can help me out~

[flacomedicen]

Hello. Have you had sex before? What about romantic relationships?

[leafolive]

5 hours ago, flacomedicen said:

Hello. Have you had sex before? What about romantic relationships?

no i haven't and never thought of having sex until this current girlfriend of mine brought it up and i had only one other romantic relationship but it was all online so i never had to think about what if sex happens

[leafolive]

4 hours ago, CBC said:

Really can't say much definitive, tbh. Sure, you might be asexual. You're also pretty young (19, if your profile info is accurate) and whilst some people are eager to get laid at 15, at your age, some aren't ready for that yet, for any number of reasons. I wasn't, but now halfway through my 30s, I know that I'd feel unfulfilled and like something important was missing from a relationship that didn't include the ability to connect sexually with my partner. I was in my early 20s before I had sex with anyone, and even then I wasn't having the right experiences. Meanwhile, my best friend in high school first had sex at 14; bit young for that if you ask me, but she was into it, wasn't forced or pressured, it didn't affect her negatively, etc. Everyone is different. Keep an open mind but only do what you feel you want to and are comfortable with. (And obviously you're welcome on AVEN regardless.)

the thing that is confusing me the most is that my whole life i thought that maybe one day it will happen but didn't care much about it because i was surrounded by friends that also didn't care about sex, so in my head everyone was being too quick and we were the ones at the right time. Now entering in a relationship with someone who was very strong sexual desires and being in college where everyone talks about their teenage sex experiences made me very very confused, like i was missing something that was supposed to be there.

I will surely keep my mind open, like you said, im only 19 still got a lot to live and experience. Also thank you for welcoming me here, this site has helped so much in answering my questions.

[flacomedicen]

I see. The absence of sexual interest/desire could be a sign of asexual, graysexual or even just low libido person. Don't worry if you feel don't fit with any label, one is shaping our identity continuosly. It's not necessary to experience sex if don't want it, but it's fine to do it if you feel comfortable, just be sure to have it with a person that you have confidence and open comunication.

 

Meanwhile you can use graysexual label, if you want. It could give you a safe place for express yourself while you keep on experiencing. On this sense I would quote an AVEN member:

On 2/8/2018 at 12:21 PM, Snao Cone said:

Do you think expressing yourself as asexual will give potential partners a realistic expectation of what a relationship would look like? It seems that way to me. In that case, whatever details and intricacies your mind and body go through when seeing and interacting with others are much less relevant to the practical reasons for identifying your orientation. Saying you're asexual (or grey a/sexual, even) should make it clear that sex isn't in your plans.

-More on: https://www.asexuality.org/en/topic/167333-so-wait-am-i-really-sexual/?tab=comments#comment-1062688711

And a blogger called Osteophage, that is AVEN member too:

 

Quote

This is, itself, a part of my grayness. Uncertainty and doubt have been such an enduring fixture of my relationship to asexuality and the asexual umbrella that even when those doubts are tamed and domesticated, made safe enough to sleep in the house, they stay my hand; they fur up my clothes too much for me to commit to any "cleaner," clearer, more absolute identity.

-More on: https://www.pillowfort.social/posts/778793

 

My personal experience it's a bit odd. I got into sex at 21, forcing myself to do that, even to get a couple. Then I thought I was heterosexual and romantic, but as the time went I noticed that it wasn't so comfortable. I've been questioning myself a couple of years from now, going from previously named to panromantic, asexual, aromatici (?), graysexual..... as I said, we're always finding ourselves.

Edited January 17, 2020 by flacomedicen
Adding the source.

[leafolive]

2 minutes ago, flacomedicen said:

I see. The absence of sexual interest/desire could be a sign of asexual, graysexual or even just low libido person. Don't worry if you feel don't fit with any label, one is shaping our identity continuosly. It's not necessary to experience sex if don't want it, but it's fine to do it if you feel comfortable, just be sure to have it with a person that you have confidence and open comunication.

 

Meanwhile you can use graysexual label, if you want. It could give you a safe place for express yourself while you keep on experiencing. On this sense I would quote an AVEN member:

And a blogger called Osteophage, that is AVEN member too:

 

 

My personal experience it's a bit odd. I got into sex at 21, forcing myself to do that, even to get a couple. Then I thought I was heterosexual and romantic, but as the time went I noticed that it wasn't so comfortable. I've been questioning myself a couple of years from now, going from previously named to panromantic, asexual, aromatici (?), graysexual..... as I said, we're always finding ourselves.

thanks! it helped a lot

i thought that the graysexual term would fit me more but after some research i think right now i lean towards asexual more