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Mad Katter

How to come out to parents?

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Mad Katter

I am almost certain I am a sex repulsed asexual and aromantic. I’m sixteen and learned about Asexuality over half a year ago or so and have always thought that those labels really represented me. I don’t know if “coming out” is a term that is usually used for ace/aro people, and I know a lot of people feel there is no point in coming out because it only affects the relationship between someone and their partner. My parents are always asking me what boys I think are cute and I’m pretty sure they sometimes think I’m in a secret romantic relationship. I tell my parents everything and I feel like hiding this is kinda betraying our trust, so I really want to tell them. At the same time I want to delay it as long as possible (until I’m out of the house) so there isn’t an awkwardness between us for the remainder of my high school years

 

To those who have told people in their lives that they are asexual/aromantic, when did you decide to tell people and how did they react? How do I explain to them I want to live the rest of my life with a QPR and that no it won’t just “turn on” when I’m older? Will telling them change my relationship with them? Also how do I make it sound normal and not like I’m being dramatic or overreacting?

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ThatGoofyGuy

I've no clue. I'm 36 and I hadn't any discussion of that kind whith my parents ever. My father is a very discrete man, who never asked me anything. My mother wishes I introduce her to some girlfriend of mine one day, and that I'm just super shy like my father was with her. I just reminds her that my private life is not of her concern, and that I'm not interested in anyone I know. So just to say, I don't think that "coming out" is something you MUST do, it's just something you CAN do if you feel the need to do so.

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Yoruka

I guess introducing them to the idea so you know what they'll think about it is a good first move.

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AllTimeBubble
13 hours ago, Mad Katter said:

To those who have told people in their lives that they are asexual/aromantic, when did you decide to tell people and how did they react? How do I explain to them I want to live the rest of my life with a QPR and that no it won’t just “turn on” when I’m older? Will telling them change my relationship with them? Also how do I make it sound normal and not like I’m being dramatic or overreacting?

1. I pretty much told my family and close friends as soon as I knew I was aro-ace, which was just over a year ago. My friends just sort of said okay and moved the subject forward, my parents did the same but months later began asking questions out of curiosity which I answered happily, both sides are supportive. I know this isn't how it goes all the time, you can never be sure how people will react but its my logic that if people don't accept me they don't belong in my life, which I suppose is easy to say for someone with a supportive family but hey. So I tell people as soon as sex or romance comes up in conversation now, I'd rather get it out there sooner rather than later, it reveals people's true colours far faster.

 

2. In terms of explaining, all you can do is answer any questions they throw at you, direct them to AVEN and just reiterate that this is how you feel and its who you are, and nothing will change that, eventually they'll understand.

 

3. If they truly love you and accept you, telling them should not change anything, you are still you after all, and if it does, they didn't deserve you anyway.

 

4. Well, just tell them that you dont experience sexual/romantic attraction and that's perfectly fine, you don't need a sexual or romantic partner and you're happy that way. You cannot possibly sound dramatic when you're just stating how you feel. But I wouldn't worry about that side of it too much, you know you're not overreacting or being dramatic, so that should translate over to them.

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