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Can I be ace/aro but still want to fall in love?


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     I've never felt any romantic/sexual attraction for others but I still have an intense desire to fall in love. I want to get a crush, have butterflies, and have a relationship.

I feel like I'm missing out on a big part of my life; seeing my friends fall in and out of love while knowing I've never (and probably will never) experience that makes me feel bad.

Am I still considered ace/aro for wanting to have these things so badly? How do I deal with these unresolvable desires?

This may be a dumb question but it's been plaguing my mind for years.

Thanks.

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An_Ace_Of_Hearts

Extremely valid question.

 

Yes, you can definitely still be considered ace/aro! I believe that wanting to feel a certain way is different from actually experiencing these attractions. I often feel like being in a romantic relationship would be really nice, and sometimes even fantasize about it, but the feeling usually comes and goes. That doesn't change the fact that I don't experience sexual attraction or anything.

 

You feel this way, but you said you've never felt sexually/romantically attracted to anyone before. That doesn't make you any less ace/aro.

 

I hope this helped, at least a little bit. I'm not really that great at explaining things thoroughly 😅 I think you can still identify as ace/aro. Best wishes for you! 🎂

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3 hours ago, lysn said:

     I've never felt any romantic/sexual attraction for others but I still have an intense desire to fall in love. I want to get a crush, have butterflies, and have a relationship.

I feel like I'm missing out on a big part of my life; seeing my friends fall in and out of love while knowing I've never (and probably will never) experience that makes me feel bad.

Am I still considered ace/aro for wanting to have these things so badly? How do I deal with these unresolvable desires?

This may be a dumb question but it's been plaguing my mind for years.

Thanks.

You're considered ace/aro for as long as you want to be, for as long as those words best describe your experience. Those labels refer to your experience of attraction, not necessarily your desire for a particular relationship - I absolutely love the idea of having a significant other and can sometimes get incredibly jealous of my partnered friends and family for having something that to me seems so magical, but when it comes to finding someone for that there's no pull or attraction towards anyone in a romantic sense, so saying I'm aro makes sense for me. I'm not sure if I'll ever have crushes or butterflies either, but I've had some awesome relationships and experiences with some amazing people!

 

As far as dealing with the desire for a partner, it might be worth having a think on how you can get your needs/wants met. Dating may still be an option, albeit with some extra challenges thrown in there, or perhaps you'd like to focus on building more satisfying relationships with friends or family. In my experience healthy and satisfying relationships are rare even outside of the ace community, and more often than not come around when you aren't actively searching for them. People are generally attracted to those who are happy and confident, and it's difficult to be that when you're consumed with thoughts about what you're missing or lacking. 

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