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Aromantic who hates others having romantic relationships?


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So I met this aromantic in an anonymous kpop chat group. The group was talking about the latest marriage news and she stated that she wished the dating bans were more stricter and longer, she hates the fact that people are so supportive of the couple. She later stated that she wished dating wasn’t a thing at all, that dating shouldn’t be such a big deal, basically wishing everyone was aromantic. This baffled me, why would she care so much about other people dating? Just let them love in their own way! I was thinking maybe she was tired of people around her telling her to date, which lead to her to develop repulsion of the very idea. I kinda get it since I’m a lesbian, and I’m tired of people expecting me to get a boyfriend, get married, and have kids. But just because I don’t like it for myself, doesn’t mean I’m not okay with hetero relationships. Are there any aromantics here who have the same belief as her? Or anyone who can explain why someone would think this way?

Edited by oncebit
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I think maybe repulsion is just a thing, I have no problem with romantic relationships of other people but the thought of sex makes me a little uncomfortable. I don't have explainable reasons at all but I still don't like it. 

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I think your conclusion would be the same as mine. Unless she was raised hella conservatively then it's likely a backlash for people pushing romance on her. Though yeah, she could be hella repulsed as well. But in that case then she just needs to get the fuck over it. People have control over themselves but as soon as you're trying to force those thoughts and feelings on others it's not right. 

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I have no idea what a dating ban is, sounds strange, but I'm one of those people that don't really like couples. I don't think it's the romantic part that bothers me, but rather the fact that this other person is "attached" to them. As in: if I invite the one I know, they might bring their partner. Same with just meeting people in public that I know that got their partner with them, or a coworker's partner dropping by work to say hello. I find it weird, uncomfortable. Tbh it's the exact same with youtubers, if I watch a youtuber, and they suddenly bring their partner into the video, I almost always turn it off.

 

Guess I don't like package deals, I rather deal with individuals.

 

Maybe this is just part of being an introvert as well as a loner, that I don't want to spend time with some other person that I didn't choose to be with.

 

 

I don't know if that girl is like me (sure sounds like she's more bothered by it than me), but I suppose if I was less of a loner and craved friendships... maybe I would hate it too.

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Hmm...I wonder whether it's her way of expressing that she feels lonely, as though she's the only aromantic person. That's understandable, but, of course, saying that others should have more restrictions on dating isn't right.

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Forest Spirit
53 minutes ago, Marian the Herbalist said:

I have no idea what a dating ban is, sounds strange, but I'm one of those people that don't really like couples. I don't think it's the romantic part that bothers me, but rather the fact that this other person is "attached" to them. As in: if I invite the one I know, they might bring their partner. Same with just meeting people in public that I know that got their partner with them, or a coworker's partner dropping by work to say hello. I find it weird, uncomfortable. Tbh it's the exact same with youtubers, if I watch a youtuber, and they suddenly bring their partner into the video, I almost always turn it off.

 

Guess I don't like package deals, I rather deal with individuals.

 

Maybe this is just part of being an introvert as well as a loner, that I don't want to spend time with some other person that I didn't choose to be with.

 

 

I don't know if that girl is like me (sure sounds like she's more bothered by it than me), but I suppose if I was less of a loner and craved friendships... maybe I would hate it too.

This is actually kind of relatable, even though I'm not completely aromantic. But I'm very introverted and when I know someone well enough to be sociable it's just so strange having this expectation thrown at me to also be sociable with their partner who is basically a stranger to me!? If I know that person well enough too it's no problem but otherwise it's just weird and makes me uncomfortable... and I don't like having to get to know people just because they're someone's partner, no matter if it's f.e. my brother. His girlfriend really wanted to meet me and get to know me and I was just like "why??? Just because I'm his little sister? Our relationship is fine but not super close so I don't think it matters much for your relationship to know me!" And yes I think people don't particularly like it if you have 0 interest in their partner😅

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1 hour ago, Marian the Herbalist said:

I have no idea what a dating ban is, sounds strange,

Kpop artists are often banned from dating or being in relationships with people that can be perceived as dating. 

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2 hours ago, oncebit said:

get a boyfriend, get married, and have kids.

Off topic but i absolutely hate that simple line especially when someone are in a romantic relationship and they say this line to you just to brag about their love to each other. Listen people i don’t care about your relationship, if you’re getting married, if you live happy together or if you get divorced. I’m happy that you guys are happy, but i’m not into this stuff and would certainly not dream of it so stop expecting me to get married. I’m not mad but it’s kind of cringe how some people don’t mind their own business. Like let me be myself, let me be virgin. 

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So, as far as I can tell, a toxic EXO-L was being pissed that Chen revealed he has a girlfriend seven months pregnant that he's engaged to (regarding the behaviour of Korean fans, this actually makes sense). Take no notice, they're falling in love with a stage name, a fantasy after all. It's not going to happen, you and your OpPaR. So, just support him. For the love of God, support him, or you're not in it for their music, are you?

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That Ginger Kid

Sounds like she’s just bitter and salty to me. It literally should not matter if other people date. I don’t care if other people have sex. I think the act is kind of weird, but I’d never say that people shouldn’t do it. To me, it takes a really sad person to say that they think no one should do something because they don’t or can’t. Let other people live! It also reminds me of cishet people who get pissy when they see, say, two men dating - it’s no one’s business but the dudes in the relationship, and it’s weird to try to mandate that they can’t date. 

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Lord Jade Cross

Not a K-pop fan so I dont know about any of their celebrity relationships but its possible that the girl is simply tired of hearing the same thing over and over again or that she, like many aros, has faced discrimimation and/or ridicule for her lack of interest in romantic relations and has gotten to a point where she just doesnt tolerate it anymore and is lashing out at others for it.

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I mean if I could I would ban dating too. I'm so sick of listening to my stupid coworkers love life, but if they banned dating then I'd have to listen to them whine about their nonexistent love life e ve n mo r e.

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AbandonedNugget

As someone who is romantic but sex-repulsed... yeah, I find that very weird. I really don't like hearing my coworkers or friends talk about sexual things but that's their own thing and I don't get spiteful over it. But that's just me,

And apologies if I offend anyone who may fall into this line of thinking but I really, really don't understand or like the whole hate-sexual-people stuff. I don't like being hateful. I've met a few people on one of the asexual subreddits on Reddit and they can get real mean and passionate about sexual hate. Like... why? I know we don't like sex, either at all or not as much as most people, but I don't understand how some people can be so hateful about it.

Maybe they've got bad experiences or something, I dunno.

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The Maelstrom

For me, I'm a bit romance repulsed depending on the situation. Slightly jealous, too. I kind of just want the same level of closeness and being there for eachother, but y'know, platonically. Seeing couples hugging/kissing in the school hallways tend to annoy me, too. I don't have any hate towards relationships like that, (again, repulsion) but I just feel like there's too much focus on them, especially in high school. The amount that people care about getting into relationships is simply just weird to me and I'd rather have it toned down.

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16 hours ago, Sithgroundhog said:

Kpop artists are often banned from dating or being in relationships with people that can be perceived as dating. 

Playboy back in the day -during the "Girl Next Door" era- presented its models as being single, hence available.  I don't

think a boyfriend showed up until the early '70s.

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Interesting thread.  I was the sweetly envious sort who was trying to figure out what the heck was going on, exactly.

As in the girl crying on my shoulder because her boyfriend lied to her about not shooting up smack anymore.

     

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20 hours ago, Jade Cross said:

Not a K-pop fan so I dont know about any of their celebrity relationships but its possible that the girl is simply tired of hearing the same thing over and over again or that she, like many aros, has faced discrimimation and/or ridicule for her lack of interest in romantic relations and has gotten to a point where she just doesnt tolerate it anymore and is lashing out at others for it.

I agree, in the kpop world they’ve been dishing out several dating news since 2020 started, so she probably got tired of seeing all the lovey-doveyness all over her feed.

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23 hours ago, Yoruka said:

So, as far as I can tell, a toxic EXO-L was being pissed that Chen revealed he has a girlfriend seven months pregnant that he's engaged to (regarding the behaviour of Korean fans, this actually makes sense). Take no notice, they're falling in love with a stage name, a fantasy after all. It's not going to happen, you and your OpPaR. So, just support him. For the love of God, support him, or you're not in it for their music, are you?

I thought that too at first, but turns out she’s not an EXO-L. She’s a Once tho, like me, which is a shame ‘cause I thought we’d be able to get along but now she seems iffy to me. 

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On 1/13/2020 at 11:09 PM, LeChat said:

Hmm...I wonder whether it's her way of expressing that she feels lonely, as though she's the only aromantic person. That's understandable, but, of course, saying that others should have more restrictions on dating isn't right.

Her name is “sad forever” on the platform so that must be the case. I don’t agree with her thinking but I do hope she finds happiness and love (the platonic kind). Maybe then her perspective will change.

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2 hours ago, oncebit said:

Her name is “sad forever” on the platform so that must be the case. I don’t agree with her thinking but I do hope she finds happiness and love (the platonic kind). Maybe then her perspective will change.

That would sound lovely.

 

2 hours ago, oncebit said:

I agree, in the kpop world they’ve been dishing out several dating news since 2020 started, so she probably got tired of seeing all the lovey-doveyness all over her feed.

Ah yes, Dispatch getting us all into shipping HOmo.

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