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Unlike the other guys


Excyld

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10 hours ago, Grimalkin said:

Oh sure, to an extent. Just about any situation in life requires a little bit of adjustment to the social climate. I just find it more disturbing that this behavior was assumed to be normal in the first place-- I noticed on a reread that OP has other friends who seem better about this sort of thing, and I'm glad, because hopefully that'll help him reframe his perspective on what's appropriate and what's not. 

 

I don't have co-workers now (and boy do I miss having adults to talk to sometimes), but I've had them in the past and just being polite and bland usually works pretty well. I'm also not sure what OP's line or work is or how easy it might be for him to switch to another job, but if he's made constantly uncomfortable by his work environment than maybe that could be something to consider. 

Im in construction, and it seems the less education the job requires, the more dirty the mindset it. Switching jobs isnt an option because its my career. Im a highly trained and certified carpenter. It stopped being uncomfortable and just turned old. A same old same old so ill just go home thing.

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10 hours ago, Catpaws said:

Having read the thread, I'm wondering in particular:

 

Is this something they do amongst themselves, show off explicit pictures of women to each other and ask each other the questions they're asking you? Or is this specifically directed only at you, or directed at you with more focus/more intensity than what they do amongst each other?

 

Regardless of their mental ages, maturity, etc, I'm wondering if it is something along the lines of a ham-fisted effort at "trying to fix" what they see as a problem, as in, "you haven't met the right one yet, so let's focus all our energies on finding the right one for you in the only way we know how".

 

I don't know how receptive they'd be to the response of "I'm just not interested, please stop trying" or whether that would cause more problems. But if they would be receptive to that, maybe that's worth a shot.

It really is kinda a group thing. Lunch time once in a while they share pictures and innuendos about it. They try to include me. I dont think its a try to fix thing but just a communal thing that they do. I dunno, ive never understood "normal" people anyway.

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1 hour ago, thylacine said:

Hi.  I'm not a guy...!  Teenage girls and college age girls and young women do this crap a lot too.  I hate it.  Bragging about how many guys they slept with, nudging you with their elbows and going, "Isn't he cute?"  (Yuck.). I could never cope with it, either.  And then when you are in your 30's and early 40's all your friends (so called friends) are plotting to force you into marrying some jerk they have picked out for you.  (Double yuck.). They only relief is that when you are in your mid 50's no one wants you anymore, and your friends are all divorced and by then they realize that boyfriends and marriage and etc. was a complete waste of time!

 

So, anyway, I dunno, but good luck with that one.

Glad to know its not just dudes who do this. And yuck is a pretty good word for what goes on in my mind when they do. Sorry not interested doesnt quite work.

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You are right, Excyld.  Sorry not interested never freakin' works, sheesh!

 

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Janus the Fox

Yeah the social/political landscape of work may make things tricky to deal with when the workforce has a strong sense of sexuality.  I know that the close knit office space conversations may mean engaging in sexual conversations which could be critical to keep a job.

 

Often it’s a grin and bare it case, or one that may require changing or shuffling between jobs.

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11 hours ago, Janus DarkFox said:

Yeah the social/political landscape of work may make things tricky to deal with when the workforce has a strong sense of sexuality.  I know that the close knit office space conversations may mean engaging in sexual conversations which could be critical to keep a job.

 

Often it’s a grin and bare it case, or one that may require changing or shuffling between jobs.

You can ignore it, and then when they pester you with, "do you think so and so is hot?" you can say, sorry, I'm working right now, don't know what you're talking about.

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I find that at work, I have had wayyyy fewer incidents where guys talk about that stuff as opposed to school, even though I work in a lower skill environment where this talk seems particularly common. I find it’s common for girls though; I accidentally overhear relationship and drama talk amongst them a lot. Though, in a casual hangout setting outside of work, guy talk does often turn to it, esp. if people are inebriated. It’s often a fallback topic if there’s no common ground. I make conversation focused on video games, complaining about everything, and other stuff so there are less opportunities for this topics to surface.

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On 1/13/2020 at 9:57 PM, Excyld said:

I work with them. They are alright guys, but im always pushed toward some girl they know or going to strip clubs. I always politely turn them down but there is a running bet on who can "get me laid first".

It's possible telling a convincing lie about how you had sex could put an end to it. I'm not really sure how else you could get them to stop if they're not respecting you when you tell them you're not interested. Though at the same time I am unsure if lying about that would be wise as it could make them think that you caved to peer pressure and they could potentially continue to not leave you alone about it. They could get more aggressive about trying to pressure you. Maybe it is better to stick it out and just be boring to them so they eventually figure out that they can't pressure you and give up. How long have they been harassing you about it?

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On 1/13/2020 at 6:56 PM, Excyld said:

Im 31, and these are adult males I work with. Im never defensive about it, but they dont understand my indifference and lack of interest.

During my work years some male colleagues were in your age group or older and just as gross/randy, so I've seen it doesn't necessarily stop when guys get out of their teens.

 

Could you just say, "Not interested", and keep repeating that as often as it takes?  Trying to explain it is a lot of trouble and they just wouldn't understand or believe it, but maybe the repetition of those two words would eventually stop it.  

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When people keep asking me about this stuff, I just want to be like Vaas Montenegro and say, “Did I ever tell you what the definition of insanity is? 🤔” My indifference to romance and sex isn’t gonna change, dude.

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so here's the  sneaky trick to really get the ace invisibility cloak working for guys interacting with guys: let them believe you are gay. "hey I'm not actually into chicks" works great in a world where "hey I'm not actually into chicks or dudes" means it is now their personal quest from the gods to fix you by showing you pictures of tits.

 

and yeah, I can understand these guys not meaning anything off by how they're acting, for lots of guys sex is something very important and something to discuss with buddies.

 

I wish just being invisible wasn't probably your best option but asexual visibility and education is very hard to hack into guy talk.

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On 1/13/2020 at 9:56 PM, Excyld said:
On 1/13/2020 at 8:31 PM, Grimalkin said:

If he is, as I'm guessing, of middle school or early high school age... yeah, it happens. After early high school it definitely gets weird, but before that is when young people are first delighting in the "shock value" of sex. 

 

I mean, it doesn't happen everywhere, to everyone, but I wouldn't say it's unusual. Is it gross? Yeah. But not super uncommon. 

Im 31, and these are adult males I work with. Im never defensive about it, but they dont understand my indifference and lack of interest.

I fully understand this type of behaviour. The only thing you can do is go along for the ride until its over 

 

 

On 1/13/2020 at 9:57 PM, Excyld said:
On 1/13/2020 at 8:31 PM, Moon Spirit ☽ said:

I wouldn't hang out with people like this, lol

I work with them. They are alright guys, but im always pushed toward some girl they know or going to strip clubs. I always politely turn them down but there is a running bet on who can "get me laid first".

Been there with co-workers trying to set you up with whose ever.    I never had the who can get me laid first pool

 

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On 1/13/2020 at 10:07 PM, Grimalkin said:
On 1/13/2020 at 10:04 PM, Excyld said:

Is it really? I thought it was just a guy thing?

It is a "guy thing" for guys with a mental age of about 12. I know I know not all guys, some guys, usually 12 year olds. 

 

It is a weeeiiird creepy thing as a grown-up. Those are actual adult people holding up naked pictures of women and talking about what they'd like to do with them? Naaah man. They should know better by now. 

This type of behaviour is alive and well in 2020,  You won't believe it until you see for yourself. 

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  • 4 weeks later...

People just need to get a big freakin' neon sign that lights up and flashes "Not Interested!  Go Away!" and hang it up over their desk at work - then they will finally have peace, damn it.

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5 hours ago, thylacine said:

People just need to get a big freakin' neon sign that lights up and flashes "Not Interested!  Go Away!" and hang it up over their desk at work - then they will finally have peace, damn it.

I believe that would tend to be even more attractive of trolling. Life is full of adversity.

 

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o07ecRzkLuM

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1 hour ago, thylacine said:

People just need to get a big freakin' neon sign that lights up and flashes "Not Interested!  Go Away!" and hang it up over their desk at work - then they will finally have peace, damn it.

's why I should be allowed to carry around a sword at all times

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2 hours ago, gisiebob said:

's why I should be allowed to carry around a sword at all times

Or a machete or a smoke bomb.

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