Heisenberg Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 (edited) Just here to find out if my situation applies to anyone else. I'm a 36 year old male from the UK, and have never really had a relationship to speak of (will come to this later). It all started when I was 10, and a friend of mine said that a slightly older girl liked me and I should ask her out. I didn't want to, but thought ok why not. Anyway, I asked, she said yes. At an instant I felt very uneasy, my stomach was trying to turn itself inside out. She wanted to kiss, instead I pecked her on the lips and then I went home. At home I just could not relax. The next day I ended it. And that sort of set the precident going forward. I would always be uneasy around girls...had no problems kissing, but a relationship or even if a girl liked me would make me very uneasy. Almost throw up uneasy. At about 14 I went to bed and a thought 'you're gay' popped in to my head. Cue a proper anxiety attack, and a sleepless night. What confused me was not that I was attracted to men, but that I was fearful of getting emotionally attached to a woman. Does this sound like I'm asexual/aromantic; or that I have some sort of emotional issue ie low self eateem / confidence issues? There are women that I've wanted to ask out, but dread the feeling my stomach gives...it's almost like I don't have a choice in the matter 😞 As a person, I'm quite passive and don't stand up for myself much; kind of feel inferior. But am tall and handsome (other peoples' words, not mine) and can talk to women (friends think I'm a ladies' man) hence the multiple opportunities (not always wanted lol). Thanks for reading 🙂 Edited January 14, 2020 by Heisenberg Was too long before. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Karst Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 You can be asexual without being aromantic. Plenty of people are. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 you wrote quite a bit about, despite not having much desire to engage in sex, how you have sexually interacted with others. what are you thinking about when taking these actions, what is motivating you to do them? and it seems like you are running into a theme of people you want to care about feeling like you aren't providing them with what they think a relationship should be. do you have a sense of what behaviour you might not be providing them with? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Heisenberg Posted January 14, 2020 Author Share Posted January 14, 2020 Hi, Apologies, my original post was a lot longer, so I trimmed it down and missed the sexual interactions. So, yes I've had sex with various women. Physical arousal is experienced- still no actual drive though. Thoughts during? Well nothing really - it takes ages to finish as, well, I'm not excited about it. I can accept that part of me; but do I cone across as aromantic? Does being aromantic generate feelings of dread when someone says that they like you? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 so. you go to clubs, you flirt with hot chicks, you have sex, you get in relationships, and throughout all this these actions make you feel terrible? to be clear, I'm not doubting you. it just sounds like you've very much invested in a sort of lifestyle that doesn't seem to work for you at all Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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