Should I become androgynous?

[Sorce]

So to start off I’m doing to say I am a very androgynous cis woman. If I didn’t have long hair or a more feminine body I would probably be mistaken for a young boy. Since I am middle range in height, should I cut my hair and wear baggy clothes more? I feel like this would probably help me go outside more as I am extremely unattractive and being seen as a young boy would spare me from the humiliation of being seen at all. 

[Guest]

Work on that self esteem first. Then decide how you want to look.

[Grimalkin]

Yeah, this is probably a case where, while you should be free to dress however you like, you might want to do some thinking about why and how you think this would fix things. 

 

If it might make you feel more confident, go for it, but it's also good to examine why you're not comfortable with how you are perceived now. Why do you think you're unattractive? Are there negative people in your life who put too much emphasis on looks, or put you down? Do you have a tough time connecting with other people, or fear the worst about what they're thinking about you?

 

I'm definitely not a professional, but it might be worth hashing this out with someone who is. 

 

 

[Ldlelee]

This is a touchy situation, but as someone who has been in your shoes, maybe I can help.

 

I was uncomfortable being visibly feminine for a very long time, so after I graduated high school, I cut my hair short and started wearing clothes that I felt more comfortable in, which usually consisted of a loose black shirt of some variety. I was searching for a way to present myself in a way that I felt confident in, and that meant adopting a more androgynous look. I felt better about myself, and gained more confidence, because I looked and acted the way I wanted to, which was something I was always desperately starving for.

 

It is important to consider why you feel the way you do about yourself. As much as I stress that you are beautiful the way you are, I also understand that if there is something you don't like about yourself, you can change it, but make sure it is for yourself and for yourself only. There's changing yourself for society or somebody else, in order to be accepted by them, and there's accepting yourself. The latter is what you should be doing this for, not anything else.

 

Best of luck, and let me know if there's any more I can do to help. 💜

[Philip027]

If anything, looking "androgynous" will draw more attention to you because it's going to make people scrutinize more trying to figure out what to call you.

 

Ultimately though this just sounds like it's putting a mask upon a deeper issue that isn't going to go away just from a mask.

[Acing It]

55 minutes ago, Leedle-Lee said:

This is a touchy situation, but as someone who has been in your shoes, maybe I can help.

 

I was uncomfortable being visibly feminine for a very long time, so after I graduated high school, I cut my hair short and started wearing clothes that I felt more comfortable in, which usually consisted of a loose black shirt of some variety. I was searching for a way to present myself in a way that I felt confident in, and that meant adopting a more androgynous look. I felt better about myself, and gained more confidence, because I looked and acted the way I wanted to, which was something I was always desperately starving for.

 

It is important to consider why you feel the way you do about yourself. As much as I stress that you are beautiful the way you are, I also understand that if there is something you don't like about yourself, you can change it, but make sure it is for yourself and for yourself only. There's changing yourself for society or somebody else, in order to be accepted by them, and there's accepting yourself. The latter is what you should be doing this for, not anything else.

 

Best of luck, and let me know if there's any more I can do to help. 💜

^^this so much I feel.

[Ennis]

28 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

If anything, looking "androgynous" will draw more attention to you because it's going to make people scrutinize more trying to figure out what to call you.

As somebody with an androgynous style I second this. I like my clothes and my hair and I wouldn't change it. Unfortunately though I do get some stares, confused children (and adults, too), awkward questions and people calling after me because they think I entered the wrong bathroom. It is not just people I interact with (like hairdressers wanting to know whether I'm female so they can charge twice the amount of money), it is random strangers as well. Once a car stopped next to me at a red light. The passenger opened the window and shouted: "Are you a man or a woman?". I replied: "Why does it matter to you?".

If an androgynous look makes you happy, go for it. Just bear in mind that you'll get some of the aforementioned sh*t. Some of it. Maybe once a month in my case.

[Acing It]

28 minutes ago, Ennis said:

hairdressers wanting to know whether I'm female so they can charge twice the amount of money

So true! hahah!

28 minutes ago, Ennis said:

The passenger opened the window and shouted: "Are you a man or a woman?". I replied: "Why does it matter to you?".

This is the alternative in a nutshell I think, and one lots of people experience: the obsession of most of society with other people's gender, from birth to grave. Adding to that, if you're seen as a young boy, then age will come into this as well and you could be patronised and not be taken seriously, adding to any negative feelings you have about ourself.

Who says you are extremely unattractive btw? (don't believe your own mind!)

[Karst]

Do whatever makes you feel more comfortable, but be aware of how people might react to it.