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Questions about sex repulsion


bumblestumble

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bumblestumble

Hi yall I just joined, I've been ace since I discovered what it was when I was about 15 and have been pretty dang confident about it since. I'm still young (almost 20) and have only had one partner. They are totally fine with out relationship being purely romantic and I am happy with them. I've been pretty sure I'm sex repulsed since I found out I was ace but recently I've been having tough questions about that and how it effects others. I still live at home with my two brothers, and my brother's girlfriend (my best friend who moved in with us BEFORE they started dating). I am very close to both my brother and his girlfriend, like, best friends. 

But recently there have been a few times where I leave my room and hear ... certain soft noises (sighing, "yes", and such) from their room. I love them both a lot but both times this has happened it sent me into a spiral. I have to get out of there. I sleep on the couch downstairs instead of my bed because, for lack of a better word, I don't feel safe. I feel like it's irrational because I obviously love them dearly and to ask them not to have a healthy physical relationship is ridiculous. I'm happy that they're happy but I'm not sure how to tell them how it effects me without making them feel like that's what I'm asking. The problem is that it effects my very strongly and I end up crying or having a panic attack. I truly can not think how to explain this to them. Does anyone have any advice? Am I being overly sensitive or is this some strange extreme sex repulsion (I mean, I'm not even actually in the room or anything)?

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On 1/13/2020 at 7:48 PM, bumblestumble said:

I don't feel safe.

I don't know if I have any solid advice for you, but I can tell you that I can relate. Since moving out, I have had various housemates who would bring guys or girls back to our place and I would have to hear things that I really don't want to hear. The first time it happened, I was stressed and anxious and I had a minor breakdown. I started to dread every time my housemate brought someone home. I used to be so anxious that I would really overthink it, like every time I thought my housemate was out during the evening, I assumed he was on a date, and I would dread the moment he would come back and have loud sex with a girl, but 90% of the time that wouldn't even end up happening. I learned to cope by putting in headphones and sleeping with earplugs. I would also send vague passive aggressive text messages to my housemate like, "reminder: the walls in this house are really thin". 

 

Five different housemates later, I am a lot more used to it. The anxiety and stress has mostly gone. I still find it incredibly annoying, and frankly, rude and inconsiderate. But I've accepted it as something I will have to continue to deal with. And if you ever move out and live with roommates, it would continue to be an issue you encounter.

 

So no, I don't think you're being irrational. I totally understand how you feel. But there is the possibility that it will become less scary to you over time. 
 

And you should consider talking to your brother about it. It's probably not a big deal to them at all. You don't necessarily have to mention that it's uncomfortable because you're ace, you can just say that it's affecting your sleep. It's a perfectly reasonable request to have a peaceful, quiet night's sleep. 

 

Would be keen to hear how you go.

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