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Hey, I'm new and would like to chat!


sy-pipez

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Hey, I'm Sy! I started questioning my sexuality quite a few years ago, but I've identified as ace for about a year now. I came out at the end of September 2019 at my city's pride festival, and everything kind of went disasterous from there. So this is going to be me telling my story, but if you'd like to just chat about other stuff, I'd welcome that as well!

 

I went to pride with my boyfriend, E, and our friend, A. We had planned to join our school's QSA (Queer-Straight Alliance) to march in the parade, but couldn't find them so we ended up on our own. After the parade ended, we went to look at the rest of the festival and were joined by E's friend, C, who A and I know as well. We went through part of the festival, and I ended up buying an ace flag. E was surprised and asked if I was ace (to which I replied yes), and he seemed perturbed by that. Neither A or C made any comment and we moved on. At a different part of the festival, E bought a bi flag to wear, which was a surprise because he had previously been very vocal about his straightness.

 

I came home with my flag, and came out to my parents. They were a bit confused but chill about it, so I was happy about that. Later that day, E and I were texting and it quickly turned to talking about me being ace. He said that he was "totally fine" with it, but was also very obviously uncomfortable. He wanted to ask questions to establish what I was and wasn't comfortable with, which was very sweet of him, and I agreed. We went back and forth for a while before going to bed. At that point I was nervous about his reaction, but still hopeful for our relationship.

 

Over the next two days, he continued the routine of saying that he was fine and accepting but acting uncomfortable and wanting to talk about it all the time. Eventually, he asked to talk about it in person and in private, which I agreed to. We had difficulties finding a time though, between both of our schoolwork and my field hockey games that were almost every day, and we never actually got around to talking.

 

Before one of my games, I talked to one of my teammates who I was close to, F, about my issues with E. I came out to F then, and she was very accepting. She gave me a pep talk, and that was that.

 

(This next part is about field hockey, but I promise that it does connect to my struggling relationship with E and the aftermath of my coming-out.)

 

On my third game of the week, I got hit across the face with a hockey stick. (For those that don't know, modern field hockey sticks are made of a combination of carbon composite and fiberglass. So they're very hard and painful ) The girl who hit me had done so accidentally, with a wild swing that hit me in the jaw (the approximate position of a boxer's knock-out punch). I left the field and was checked out by the med on the sidelines, who said that she didn't think I had a concussion but that I had to stay off the field for the rest of the game anyway. (I respected her decision and didn't argue, since I knew that she could be liable for any further injuries if she incorrectly cleared me to play. That doesn't mean it wasn't frustrating though.)

 

I spent the rest of the game pacing the sideline and calling the fouls myself, even going so far as throwing my hands in the air and muttering under my breath when the refs made calls I didn't agree with. My teammates were visibly worried about me and several of them, including F, tried to get me to calm down and sit on the bench. I brushed them off until my coach told me to listen to them, and I sat down for a while. But eventually, I got back up to pace again. The game went into double overtime with a score of 0-0, and then into penalty shots. Penalty shots are almost always very low risk for impact, so my coach asked if I could go in for them. I asked the med for permission, but she gave a very definite no. So I paced the sidelines again.

 

Normally, this kind of irritability and anxiety after a hit to the head would be indicative of a concussion. But because this game was against our rivals (who we have a major love-hate relationship with), it was dismissed as just a manifestation of that rivalry.

 

The next day, I wasn't feeling well, so I stayed home from school. E texted me to ask why I was out of school and was very sweet and worried. My mom took me to the local concussion clinic later that day, and we were told that I did have a concussion. Surprise!

 

Because of my concussion, I was out of school for weeks and told to do only low stress activities and to get lots of rest. So, E and I weren't able to find a time to meet up. And I didn't see or talk to any of my friends for a solid two weeks because E and I were friends with a lot of the same people and I didn't want to face the break-up that I felt was imminent.

 

So I was a mess. I was having no social contact, stressing out about how much school I was missing, and hiding from my boyfriend.

 

In the end though, I starting reaching out again. I had a friend over to play games, introduced another friend to a babysitting client I had to cancel on, and eventually talking with E.

 

E and I went out for a walk around our neighborhood one night and had a fun time catching up with one another. The next night, we did the same until we got to talking about my sexuality again. We both ended up crying, and I offered to walk him home and call one of my parents to pick me up from his house. He agreed, and on the walk to his house, he broke up with me. He said that he just wasn't comfortable being in a relationship without kissing (which I had told him made me uncomfortable) and full reciprocation of his feelings.

 

He sat with me on his front steps until my dad came to pick me up. In the car, I told my dad what had happened, and when we got home, I hid in the living room until my mom came to find me. 

 

I talked with my mom about the break-up and we ended up talking about asexuality as well. She was vaguely skeptical that I was really ace, but said that she'd support me however I identify, which was kind of hurtful and kind of nice.

 

I went back to school part-time a week later and found that E had moved seats to sit as far away from me as he could in both of the classes that we shared. And now, months later, he still hasn't said a word to me and won't even look at me, which hurts a lot.

 

I'm completely cleared from my concussion now, so I'm back to school full-time. I've gathered a new group of close friends, including A, and I feel like I'm doing better, so that's a plus. And I feel like I'm back to a semi-normal state, even if a lot has changed.

 

If you read this entire thing, thanks so much, and I'd love to hear any advice you have or anything else you want to say. This ended up being really long, but it feels good to get it off my chest.

 

~Sy💕

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I'm glad most of the people in your life have been supportive of you. I'm sorry you had to go through a breakup like that, I cant imagine it would be easy, especially having to come back to school to find him avoiding you. I hope E comes around and atleast acts civil to you, but if he doesnt it's his loss. 

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47 minutes ago, Quacks said:

I'm glad most of the people in your life have been supportive of you. I'm sorry you had to go through a breakup like that, I cant imagine it would be easy, especially having to come back to school to find him avoiding you. I hope E comes around and atleast acts civil to you, but if he doesnt it's his loss. 

Same here, @sy-pipez. As well, here is some cake since you're here.mohnkuchen-mit-vanillepudding-nach-anna.

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I can't believe I forgot the cake! (I guess it really has been a while since I've been in the welcome lounge)

Its tradition to welcome new members with cake, enjoy!

Rubber-Ducky-Baby-Shower-Cake-SQ.jpg

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1 hour ago, Lichley said:

Don’t forget that the duck on @Quacks cake is edible ;) 

What do you have against my friends?

The ducky is NOT edible, don't let Lichley trick you into being an evil ducky murderer!

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@Quacks

lol I wasn't sure, since it looked a bit too real to be fondant 😜

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Same here, actually.

1 minute ago, sy-pipez said:

@Quacks

lol I wasn't sure, since it looked a bit too real to be fondant 😜

 

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On 1/12/2020 at 11:37 PM, Quacks said:

What do you have against good cake?

The ducky is edible, don't let Quacks trick you out of delicious cake! 

 

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@Lichley I'm not stopping anyone from having delicious cake, I'm stopping them from eating not delicious ducky.

Ducks are friends, not food!

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12 hours ago, Quacks said:

I'm stopping everyone from having delicious cake, I'm stopping them from eating a delicious ducky made of frosting.

Ducks are friends and food. 

Ah memories. I missed this :P 

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3 minutes ago, Lichley said:

Ah memories. I missed this :P 

Stop changing my words, we ALL know that's not what I said 😡

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I totally support you! I can't imagine how painful that must be.  My mom reacts a similar way, but I'm here for you to encourage you and react in a positive way.  

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