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Sexuality explained to asexuals

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CBC
13 hours ago, ryn2 said:

No, that sounds totally understandable and reasonable.  My father was OCD and my mother definitely had some anxiety and body image issues, and her dad was an alcoholic, but there was no depression among my relatives.  I didn’t really understand how different the experiences of primary anxiety and depression (even with anxiety) actually are until it became clear (late in the process) that my most recent ex and I really didn’t understand one another.  Like, at all.  Over the time I knew him I also made a close friend with depression and she’s been very helpful in making sense of it for me.

I'm actually rather confused by people who don't have some degree of ability to ever comprehend mental health stuff (not the category I'm placing you in at all; you've had your own experiences with it and you sound like you've been able to develop an understanding of others' struggles). I had a friend who's one of the most cheery and extroverted people I've ever known... the "live, laugh, love" sort (honestly it's annoying, I don't trust people who aren't some degree of dark and cynical)... and her boyfriend (now husband) has struggled with depression. We haven't talked in a bunch of years now, just lost touch, but the way she spoke it was always clear that she couldn't comprehend what was going on with him. It isn't just "I'm feeling a bit sad" ffs.

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Philip027
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I'm actually rather confused by people who don't have some degree of ability to ever comprehend mental health stuff (not the category I'm placing you in at all; you've had your own experiences with it and you sound like you've been able to develop an understanding of others' struggles). I had a friend who's one of the most cheery and extroverted people I've ever known... the "live, laugh, love" sort (honestly it's annoying, I don't trust people who aren't some degree of dark and cynical)... and her boyfriend (now husband) has struggled with depression. We haven't talked in a bunch of years now, just lost touch, but the way she spoke it was always clear that she couldn't comprehend what was going on with him. It isn't just "I'm feeling a bit sad" ffs.

My mom was an absolute miserable failure at understanding my depression, despite having some form of it herself.  I don't know to what degree she's looked into it, but at the very least I know she's been on and off SSRIs.

 

She always figured there was a concrete reason I was feeling like shit on a particular day and would always ask me why.  But sometimes (for some people), depression just makes you feel like shit and there isn't really any rhyme or reason to it.  To this day I still don't think she understands that.

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CBC
9 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

But sometimes (for some people), depression just makes you feel like shit and there isn't really any rhyme or reason to it. 

Absolutely. Been there myself and have been close to a few people with mental health issues (inclusive of, but not limited to, depression), and there aren't always concrete reasons. There can be -- people can get worse (or better) in response to externals -- but that's not always the case.

 

My parents never once asked me what was going on with me when I began struggling as a kid, they just focused on the outward signs and tried to "stop" them in various ways. No one ever gave a shit what was happening in my head, or if they did they didn't show it in a useful or very compassionate way. I became a very secretive person (not that that's not already one of my innate characteristics, hahaha). I walk an interesting line now between trying to be radically honest with them about some shit and just accepting that other parts won't ever be understood. At any rate, I deal with my own head better than I used to and I know how to defuse stupid situations with my mum and stand up to my dad (well, a little anyway), so I'll take that for now. They're bloody old anyway (will be 76 and 80 this year); not about to change much.

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ryn2
1 hour ago, CBC said:

I'm actually rather confused by people who don't have some degree of ability to ever comprehend mental health stuff (not the category I'm placing you in at all; you've had your own experiences with it and you sound like you've been able to develop an understanding of others' struggles). 

I think it’s similar in a way to the ace v. sexual issue...  in a lot of circles it’s not talked about, and then when it is sometimes there is just no common ground.  I know enough to feel very sympathetic, and I can certainly empathize broadly with how mental health issues can really disrupt your life, but I don’t know what it’s actually like to live in it like someone else with clinical depression may.

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ryn2
28 minutes ago, Philip027 said:

She always figured there was a concrete reason I was feeling like shit on a particular day and would always ask me why.  But sometimes (for some people), depression just makes you feel like shit and there isn't really any rhyme or reason to it.  To this day I still don't think she understands that.

This was a hard thing for me and ex to get past.  For me, the difficult part was that he never knew what was wrong, not until days or weeks later... even when it was obvious from outside the situation what the problem was.  That, and the outward presentation of “nothing is actually wrong; my depression is just flaring up” and “I haven’t admitted it to myself yet, but in a week I’m going to be furious with you for X and it’s going to be something I bring back up forever” were exactly the same.

 

I’m sure the whole thing was equally frustrating to him for different reasons.

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ryn2
21 minutes ago, CBC said:

My parents never once asked me what was going on with me when I began struggling as a kid, they just focused on the outward signs and tried to "stop" them in various ways. No one ever gave a shit what was happening in my head, or if they did they didn't show it in a useful or very compassionate way. I became a very secretive person

*nod nod*
 

The lesson I took away was that I would get in trouble for admitting/showing anything, rather than getting assistance, concern (for me), etc.

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CBC
54 minutes ago, ryn2 said:

*nod nod*
 

The lesson I took away was that I would get in trouble for admitting/showing anything, rather than getting assistance, concern (for me), etc.

Oh for sure. Either that or, in my case, my mother would do her martyr act and I would feel like a guilty piece of shit. I don't think she even understands that's the effect it had, but she still does it to some degree now... and that's exactly why I try not to spend more than a few hours with her at any given time, perhaps two or three times a year. I've changed but she hasn't.

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CBC

In other news, I'm strongly considering using the stuff I was on that played around with my dopamine again (no I'm not talking about cocaine or anything). Not that I need an increase in panic attacks or libido or an inability to sleep properly, but. My brain is flaaaaaat.

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