Hey there, I think I need to talk

[Hemonav]

Hello there, this is my first time posting to this site, mainly because I feel like I need to talk about whats been going through my mind for the past few months and sitting alone with these thoughts are

Since i have been thinking about this for a while it may be a bit of a long post, and i apologize for that.

 

Around halfway through 2019 i started a bit of an identity crisis, and one of those things was was thinking back to my high school days, where i never really wanted or bothered with dating and that and that back then, I never really understood why sex was such a big deal and why everyone was so hyper focused on it, and then thinking about it more, I realized that not only did i still feel the same way about sex but I was actually disgusted about it by it and it almost makes me uncomfortable talking about it, I can still hold a conversation about it without being or seeming uncomfortable (I don't exactly know if uncomfortable is the right word or not but it's the closest word i can think of right now).

 

I didn't really think much of it at the time, other than thinking that's odd thought for a 20 year old, but then later i started to think about it more and my mind kind of locked on to that thought because i couldn't stop really thinking about it (if that makes any sense), and at this point i had not really heard of the term asexual, so this thought was really bothering me for a while, and I couldn't tell my family about this because my siblings always make fun of me a little bit for not really being interested in dating or other stuff like that, and just being the youngest I never really talked to them or anyone about stuff like this, and one of my parents and their side of my family is pretty untrustworthy with secrets and information like that, and the other one is good, but never really talks or deals with emotional stuff, and i don't have any friends to talk to and the ones i have, i never really talk with them about emotional stuff like this so i was mostly just alone with my thoughts on this, and combined with the other stuff i was going though with the whole identity crisis thing it wasn't a good time, and it felt like there was something wrong with me and if I am being honest, I still do kind of feel that way

 

It was after google searching some of the things I was thinking, that was when I found out about Asexuality and after doing a bit more research about it I pretty sure that I am Asexual, but even still there i still feel like there is a bit of me that feels, I guess the best way to say this is a bit weirded out thinking about my self like that, I guess it's just that I thought of myself a certain way for a long time and I just had this image of myself that doesn't really fit anymore, or maybe its something else, I'm still not sure. I've never really been good and expressing myself and I have always been afraid of other people judging me, most of my family just assumes I'm just fine and everything is normal, maybe a little sad about something. But most of them are good people

 

I think I had more to say but i honestly can't really remember it at the moment, and it's pretty late where I am and this feels long and rambling enough, which, again, sorry for that, but i feel like i needed to talk about this and I don't really have anyone to talk to,or that I want to know this so that's why I decided to post here (semi anonymously, I guess?) and you guys might be able to help me with this.

 

But anyways, I guess I'm here now. Hey.

[Custard Cream]

Hello and welcome.  I think a lot of people feel a combination of happiness and grief when confronting asexuality.  Its lovely to find a community where you belong, but accepting your orientation is not what you thought it was can be challenging. Just remember you haven't changed, and you aren't broken, this is just who you are, and it's fine. You will find friends here, and can ask all the questions you like.

[Lichley]

Welcome! Yeah here’s a great place to rant and ask for advice without being judges for it  

[DemiMeg]

I remember feeling "weirded out" too for a bit when I discovered my demisexuality. At first, I was unaccustomed to "not being straight" anymore, but then I transitioned to embracing my demisexuality fairly quickly. However, the transition period is different for everyone.