I'm very confused about my sexuality and I'd like some advice

[Toe from the moon]

I'm a girl, and recently, I've been questioning my sexuality a lot. I've seen this girl in school, and I'm really not sure if I just like her clothes, or like her. I've never spoken to her, and I don't even know her name...could someone get a crush just from watching someone in the hallway?

 

And, I'm also starting to wonder if I'm asexual or not. Anything at all sexual makes me really, really uncomfortable, even speaking about or thinking of it. And me feeling uncomfortable with it kinda makes me scared of the idea of relationships in general. I think I was sexually attracted to a friend once, but when that happened, we hadn't seen each other for a long while and I'd just gone into puberty, and I think I liked the idea of him more than him at that point. Maybe I'm just sexually repulsed? I've heard that's a thing. Being around the age I am, (early teenage years) It feels like everyone is obsessed with it, while I hate it. I think it might hurt, and there's something else I feel about it that I just can't put my finger on, but the closest word is probably repulsion. Also, whenever someone talks about masturbation, porn or sexual acts they've done or wanna do, I get really, really, really uncomfortable. And for some reason, the nervousness and uncomfortable feeling is almost only directed towards guys.

 

I've been kinda curious about doing sexual things with girls, the girl from school specifically, but only if she did 'the thing'. I feel insecure about what it'd be like, and I really wouldn't wanna 'go down' on anyone ever. But I haven't felt attracted to a guy that way since that time I was talking about. And, I'm fine with reading about it and hearing about it (kinda, as long as it's not detailed) when I'm alone, but when people around me start talking about it, I just wanna leave and watch kid's cartoons.

 

My relationship with love is also kinda weird. I'm the type of person who'd rather just pine in agony from a distance. If someone asked me out on a date, I'd say no, same with if someone confessed to me, even if I was in love with them. And for me, having a family isn't really as big of a desire. Sure, I wanna raise a kid or two, but I don't think I'd wanna do it with a partner. I'd rather my blood related family help me with that. I dunno, might also have something to do with that my mom had me at an early age, and I wanna do my own thing for a while first.

 

I dunno, maybe this is just because of my age, maybe I wil get more comfortable with it as I grow older. It felt good to get this off my chest.

[Snao Cone]

Hi there and welcome. I'm glad it helped to get this off your chest. You'll likely have a lot of complicated and conflicting thoughts about human relationships over the next, like, 75 years of your life, but things do get clearer with time when it comes to knowing yourself. What's most important is to maintain a healthy attitude towards yourself and your worth and the validity of your feelings. If you're repulsed by sex and want nothing to do with it, that's fine. If you feel a desire for intimacy with other girls, that's also fine. Some of these things you may get more comfortable with as you continue to grow as a person and have more diverse experiences. You will change your mind a thousand times on what you want to do with your life and that is fine. Just don't pressure yourself too much. 

[thyristor]

1 hour ago, Toe from the moon said:

could someone get a crush just from watching someone in the hallway?

*raises her hand* been there, done that.

 

1 hour ago, Toe from the moon said:

but when people around me start talking about it, I just wanna leave and watch kid's cartoons.

Coming out: I've been watching a specific kids' series on dvd a million times until the age of 37, I like it, and it is soooooo free from any sexual things.

 

I totally agree with the earlier poster, there's no stopping to learn about yourself. You seem to have a healthy attitude towards your feelings though, knowing that they might be age related and also, I don't read anywhere that you are wondering whether it's normal. You seem to know that it is, and you are so right.

 

Welcome to AVEN and have a piece of cake!

 

[Toe from the moon]

6 minutes ago, elisabeth_II said:

I don't read anywhere that you are wondering whether it's normal. You seem to know that it is

Well, my mom's been dating my now stepmom for as long as I can remember, and they got married when I was 4. I guess I'm just more comfortable with LGBT+ stuff because of that. They actually told me that when I was real little once, I asked them if they'd be dissapointed in me if I happened to like guys. But yeah, when I first started questioning it, I wondered if questioning your sexuality was something everyone went through