Darth Tribble Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Hello y'all! I've starting questioning my sexuality again and now wondering if I could be a demisexual. For now, I think gray asexual fits me best, but maybe demisexual is a better fit? I very rarely experience love at first sight and most of the people I've been attracted to was after I been around them for some time. I didn't form deep bonds at they were often just someone I attended a college class with. There was one woman at the college I really liked and we would hang out when neither of us had any classes. We hung out with the same group of friends and I didn't pay her much attention at first, but as we talked more, I found that I really liked her. I'm normally sex-repulsed, but when it's with someone I've grown more attached to or actually kinda like, I become more open to it. I don't think it's actually sexual attraction, but just me being open to the possibility of sex with that person. If I really like someone in a more than "just friends" kind of way, I mostly just want to spend as much time with them as possible and do regular activities. I'd probably use queerplatonic as the kind of relationship I'm most interested in. Do I sound either demisexual or demiromantic? I know I'm the only one who can decide for myself, but I'm trying to see if my experience fit with the demisexual experience. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 11, 2020 Share Posted January 11, 2020 Becoming more open to sex with a person you trust is somewhat normal for ( s o me goddamnit) asexuals. Doesn't necessarily mean you're attracted to them but rather just more comfortable with the act because it's a person you trust. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 16 hours ago, CBC said: If you're demisexual (which is just one normal way of being sexual), mind keeping the casual erasure away from the folk just wanting to figure themselves out? tribble, demisexuality is kinda a hard one to nail down, as I find its definition, while adequate to describe to others, is pretty dismal for analysis. it's perfectly ok to consider yourself questioning for a long haul as you figure out what describes you well, just be open to discussing your journey with anyone seeking your companionship. good luck. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DemiMeg Posted January 12, 2020 Share Posted January 12, 2020 As someone who is demisexual and heteromantic, the best way I feel that I can help you out is describe my own experience. I only discovered that I'm demisexual about two years ago (I'm 42 now - yay ace erasure in sex ed🤮). Like most people, I discovered the actual word on the Internet. Though looking back on my life, there were instances which make it very clear that I'm demi. I always dated friends, never strangers. I was called "frigid" in high school (which, of course sucked at the time. But now i look back on it and think "Hang on, did they know something I didn't? 😆 Apparently, I had "ace vibes"). I've only had about 4 crushes in my entire life which, as any demi knows, is always a big deal because crushes are so rare. I've only slept with three people, all of them within long-term relationships. I never had a one-night stand, though I'm sex-positive towards that do have them. When i'm in relationships, I do have a libido. But I rarely initiate sex and would classify myself as submissive. There are a couple of other incidents that spring to mind. Back In 1992, i was on a school trip in Italy and a group of us were in a restaurant together on the lower level. A couple of female class mates kept telling me "Hey Meg, you have to go upstairs and see this guy at the cappuccino machines, He's totally hot! Just so could gt them to shut up, I went upstairs to see what the fuss was about and then...nothing. In retrospect, he WAS a good-looking guy, but in an aesthetic "looking at a beautiful painting" kind of way that us aces and ace-specs are familiar with. I didn't immediately want to sleep with him on sight like your classic allosexual. I distinctly remember wondering why i didn't react the way my class mates did. Fast forward to 2009. I'm volunteering for my local pride parade. Back then, I still identified as straight. We were talking about one-night stands and i brought up that i have to trust people before i can sleep with them. They guy who sat across from me said that he didn't need to do so. That was the first time i realized that my reluctance to have one-night stands was something "hard-wired" in me and not a choice. Of course, since i wasn't taught about asexuality or the ace spectrum, i had no idea that I fell under that umbrella and wasn't "straight". I know this is long-winded, but i hope it helped. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DemiMeg Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 1 minute ago, CBC said: I didn't erase anyone whatsoever. Demisexual is one of many perfectly normal ways of being a sexual person, and I'll say it over and over. I don't know what's offensive or upsetting about that. Sorry to break it to you, honeybunch... https://www.glaad.org/amp/ace-guide-finding-your-community "Demisexuality and demiromanticism are subsets of asexuality and aromanticism, respectively, as are the rest of the identities on this list. Demi is French for “half,” and was first coined to describe a person who does not experience attraction to an individual until a significant emotional bond has formed. This works off of the idea of primary attraction and secondary attraction. Primary attraction is attraction to people based on first impressions, such as appearance or how they smell. Secondary attraction is attraction to people that develops over time, and forms out of the relationship one has with a person, and their emotional connection. This can be applied to both romantic attraction and sexual attraction. Demisexuals or demiromantics do not experience primary attraction, but do experience secondary attraction." So yeah, you did erase demis, myself included which is HIGHLY offensive and upsetting. Your gatekeeping is only going to be tolerated for so long before you escape accountability. Shout out to @gisiebob, BTW. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DemiMeg Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 9 minutes ago, CBC said: Hahahaha ok then. Damn, I didn't say it wasn't a legit thing. I said IT'S A NORMAL WAY OF BEING SEXUAL. Cheers, "honeybunch". Okaaay...so what part of "demisexuality and demiromanticism are subsets of asexuality and aromanticism respectively" do you not understand? I literally posted an article from GLAAD, not some random site, proving that we exist on the ace spectrum. Your confirmation bias is not only flat wrong, but malicious. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Firefly8 Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 14 minutes ago, DemiMeg said: honeybunch This just makes you look bad and does nothing for your argument. Start a new thread if you want a definition debate. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
DemiMeg Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 3 minutes ago, Firefly8 said: This just makes you look bad and does nothing for your argument. Start a new thread if you want a definition debate. This isn't a definition debate. This is about erasure. I'm not the only person on this thread that pointed it out either. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FaerieFate Posted January 13, 2020 Share Posted January 13, 2020 This thread is locked pending admod review Faeriefate Question about Asexuality co-mod 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
FaerieFate Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 This thread has been unlocked. Faeriefate, Questions about Asexuality co-mod Quote Link to post Share on other sites
BeakLove Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 On 1/13/2020 at 12:38 AM, DemiMeg said: Okaaay...so what part of "demisexuality and demiromanticism are subsets of asexuality and aromanticism respectively" do you not understand? I literally posted an article from GLAAD, not some random site, proving that we exist on the ace spectrum. Your confirmation bias is not only flat wrong, but malicious. The article is written by some girl who just googled AVEN (that's the citation at the bottom of the article). Whatever about the content, you can't really claim that it's an authority, nor an independent source. Also, as an aside, "demi" is a etymological disaster - it's simply meaningless to say you have "half" of sexual attraction, but whatever. These words weren't coined by people with an interest in coherence. On 1/11/2020 at 6:21 AM, KrysLost said: Becoming more open to sex with a person you trust is somewhat normal for asexuals. Doesn't necessarily mean you're attracted to them but rather just more comfortable with the act because it's a person you trust. I just... this is such a fussy way of conceptualising attraction. If you grow to want sex with someone as a result of emotional bonding and trust, then it's sexual attraction. It's still being sexual as others have remarked. There's quite a few threads here dedicated to justifying the notion of being asexual while helping yourself to healthy portions of sex, and it's really baffling. I can't see how it helps anyone who is genuinely questioning whether or not they are capable of sexual feelings or desires, to be presented with such a confused picture. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
gisiebob Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 17 minutes ago, BeakLove said: Also, as an aside, "demi" is a etymological disaster - it's simply meaningless to say you have "half" of sexual attraction, but whatever. These words weren't coined by people with an interest in coherence. english has a long, proud history of being an incomprehensible dialect of latin. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Posted January 14, 2020 Share Posted January 14, 2020 18 minutes ago, BeakLove said: I just... this is such a fussy way of conceptualising attraction. If you grow to want sex with someone as a result of emotional bonding and trust, then it's sexual attraction. It's still being sexual as others have remarked. There's quite a few threads here dedicated to justifying the notion of being asexual while helping yourself to healthy portions of sex, and it's really baffling. I can't see how it helps anyone who is genuinely questioning whether or not they are capable of sexual feelings or desires, to be presented with such a confused picture. What I described has nothing to do with attraction but rather sex-repulsion and open-mindedness to the act. Basically they become rather sex-indifferent/favorable. It's just something I've noticed on the damn site. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.