White Noise Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 hi everyone! 😌 i'm alex, currently a 17 year old high school senior. i feel like my journey through discovering my sexuality and gender has been a long and confusing one..... but here i am. im here writing this instead of studying for my math test.... cause this is more important. i honestly don't know if im 100% asexual, i'm sure for many people it is extremely hard to know for sure. plus i am SO indecisive that i can never make a decision confidently about myself, making this so much harder even when i know who i am. but anyways, i always thought i was just a gay guy, but i've truly always been "repulsed" by open and affectionate love. that sounds kinda dreary, but its like whenever someone shows me a video of a promposal, i get so repulsed and cringed out that it legit makes me uncomfortable. ive never really openly expressed words of love or affection, even to my friends, which has always made me feel different... so im stuck between a few identities. i really don't know if i am just an emotionally unavailable gay guy or someone who may just be part of the asexual spectrum.... i've always longed for an emotional and adorable relationship with someone, yet it seems i can never express this in real life. (im a virgin, never dated anyone lmao) as of now, the labels i feel i may fit into are demisexual, maybe homoromantic asexual. i think its going to take me a lot of time to understand myself better; however, i think joining this forum is a great start. i'm excited to meet and talk to you all! Link to post Share on other sites
Anxious Gryffindor Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Hi!! I'm new here too, so I don't know a lot about this, but welcome!! Apparently, there's a tradition around here to greet people with a cake, so... (also, I'm no expert, but the things you're talking about, especially the proposal videos thing... Can I recommend you look into the aromantic spectrum? I'm not trying to define your labels, just thought it might help you explain some things? Sorry if I'm out of place) Also, also, good luck on your math test!! And you are right, this is more important, it's great you're putting yourself first! Link to post Share on other sites
White Noise Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 14 minutes ago, Anxious Gryffindor said: Hi!! I'm new here too, so I don't know a lot about this, but welcome!! Apparently, there's a tradition around here to greet people with a cake, so... (also, I'm no expert, but the things you're talking about, especially the proposal videos thing... Can I recommend you look into the aromantic spectrum? I'm not trying to define your labels, just thought it might help you explain some things? Sorry if I'm out of place) Also, also, good luck on your math test!! And you are right, this is more important, it's great you're putting yourself first! thank you for the welcome!! and i will definitely research a bit on the aromantic spectrum, that could for sure connect to my identity and my uncomfortableness of open affection. anything that can help me understand myself is a great start! Link to post Share on other sites
MarRister Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 I would say when I was younger, I was also put off by romantic things and affection, however I have changed a lot in the past years, and am much more open to these things. I would also crave these kind of relationships even though I didn't think I could handle them (and couldn't) in real life. I am still not an overly affectionate person, but I am craving companionship and closeness with people more and more lately, and I think I have finally matured and have grown enough emotionally to actually handle it. I have always been so afraid of being vulnerable but have discovered, at least for me, that without that risk of truly opening yourself up to other people (which doesn't necessarily have to involve anything romantic) life becomes very bland and lonely. It took me a long time to get to this point, and I'm still not super comfortable being vulnerable with most people, but I am still changing and growing as a person. (I'm 27 btw) I'm not saying this will be your experience, I'm just saying life and the way we are isn't always static. People can and do change. And maybe you will find that you feel the exact same way 10 years from now, and that is totally fine also, it is just a learning experience that takes time. Nothing is immediate when trying to figure out who you are or who you will be. I would suggest to not get too hung up on the labels (though I know they can bring comfort when feeling different from others) and just try and be your most authentic self at whatever point you are currently at. And welcome! 😊🍰 Link to post Share on other sites
White Noise Posted January 10, 2020 Author Share Posted January 10, 2020 6 minutes ago, Marsa said: I would say when I was younger, I was also put off by romantic things and affection, however I have changed a lot in the past years, and am much more open to these things. I would also crave these kind of relationships even though I didn't think I could handle them (and couldn't) in real life. I am still not an overly affectionate person, but I am craving companionship and closeness with people more and more lately, and I think I have finally matured and have grown enough emotionally to actually handle it. I have always been so afraid of being vulnerable but have discovered, at least for me, that without that risk of truly opening yourself up to other people (which doesn't necessarily have to involve anything romantic) life becomes very bland and lonely. It took me a long time to get to this point, and I'm still not super comfortable being vulnerable with most people, but I am still changing and growing as a person. (I'm 27 btw) I'm not saying this will be your experience, I'm just saying life and the way we are isn't always static. People can and do change. And maybe you will find that you feel the exact same way 10 years from now, and that is totally fine also, it is just a learning experience that takes time. Nothing is immediate when trying to figure out who you are or who you will be. I would suggest to not get too hung up on the labels (though I know they can bring comfort when feeling different from others) and just try and be your most authentic self at whatever point you are currently at. And welcome! 😊🍰 i totally understand this - its how i feel both internally and externally. im just not at that point to open myself up to vulnerability and open affection. i think a lot of this has always been a part of me, but i hope as time goes on i get more comfortable. i think the more i look into the asexual spectrum, the more certain labels look more and more comfortable to me than simply just being "gay" as it is so ambiguous. my inability to be open both emotionally and sexually could obviously just be a personality trait, but it could genuinely be something where i just lack the confident emotional intelligence you need to be out there. Link to post Share on other sites
Lichley Posted January 10, 2020 Share Posted January 10, 2020 Welcome! Oh you might want to look into sex-repulsed and romance-repulsed then Link to post Share on other sites
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