Not sure if I'm aromantic

[LaReine]

I never considered myself as very romantical. I always said that I would rather watch a Splatter movie than a romantical movie, because the splatter movie is more exciting. Anyways, recently I discovered some romantical books and movies I like.

But in real life I don't feel like I am romantically attracted to anybody. Sometimes a wave of like "A relationship would be nice." overcomes but this only lasts maximum about one or two days. Most times, it's an hour. And sometimes I get to know people and I think "Well, they would be relationship material", but not meant romantically, more like "Oh, they are nice, I could think of spending my life with them.". When it would come up to dating, however, I rather opt out. In my life I had two dates and they were both rather akward and I learned that I don't really need that to be happy. My friends are always chasing other people. I don't get that, I've never got that. Why do I need another person to be happy? I can be happy on my own or just be with my friends. I had some crushes, but only on ficitional characters or celebreties, but, anyways I would not describe it as, "I really want to be in a relationship with this person.", more like "I think this person is nice and I can really identify with them." 

Summed up:

Sometimes I think that I am aromantic, but then something tiny happens and I question myself again. Same goes for my asexuality and I came to terms that I am somewhere on the ace spectrum. But about aromanticism I'm not really sure. 

 

Would do you guys think? 

[wolf_of_the_pack_]

I think maybe your a gray-aromantic? If that's a thing? Like that maybe very rarely you want a romantic relationship but most of the time you are just not in love with anybody. Basically graysexual without the sexual. I kind of understand that too; its okay to like romantic movies/shows/books and still not be interested in romance for yourself. (I am a sucker for romance in those things myself). But as I have learned from being on here, sexuality is fluid, it can change anytime or not at all, and maybe it goes away for a bit and then comes back. I'm not an expert, but I'm learning, and seeing as I'm not aromantic myself, I'm probably not that reliable😂But I hope this will help you out💜

[HonoraryJedi]

That sounds pretty aro to me. But what I usually preach here is that, you don't have to assign yourself something permanent. I usually find myself thinking that it isn't all that helpful think think about this as "is this what I AM?" Rather I prefer to think "Is this how I feel?" or "do I want this right now?" Personally, I was questioning if I was aromantic or not right up until got into a relationship with someone I really liked and found out I hated it.

 

And I still don't want to treat it as it is eternal. I treat ace aro more as permission to not worry about it any longer. Do I want sex? No. Do I want a romantic relationship? No. And since ace aro is a valid thing to be, I can just continue to be this way and not think about why, or what might happen if I find someone, or if something is wrong with me. I can go on with my life as it is.

 

 

[frostboot]

It's of course impossible for any of us to determine that for you, but I can relate a lot to what you're saying!

I can enjoy a good romance story, if it's well-written and not rushed just for romance's sake, but I have no wish to have a relationship in real life. I think what interests me is just people and human connection, whatever form that takes. It's completely separate things to enjoy watching or reading about people being in love and actually wanting to be in love yourself. 

Thinking you want a relationship is not uncommon among aros, either. In fact some aros do pursue romantic relationships, while others simply think they want one because society tells us that it's what will make life fulfilling. I personally find it really hard to differentiate between romantic and platonic attraction and sometimes think "wait do I want a relationship with them?" only to end up realizing that I just like them as a person. Wanting to spend your life with someone unromantically is totally possible too! I recommend you look up the term "queerplatonic" if you don't know it already, as it can be used to describe a relationship that's not platonic but not romantic either. 

@wolf_of_the_pack_ mentioned that you may be grayromantic, but I think it's absolutely possible that you're just plain aromantic too. Having crushes on fictional characters doesn't necessarily have anything to with your real-life attraction or desires. 

I also just have to say that realizing that you don't need another person to be happy is a really good first step to, well, everything, whether you end up being aromantic or not. I know a lot of us spend time feeling broken or like we'll never be truly happy because we don't feel this all-encompassing life-changing half-a-person-turning-into-a-whole romantic love that many others do, but that's all just baloney. 

[kolka]

I am also struggeling with this since i came to terms with definitely being asexual. I have been in a relationship, and it was really weird since the breakup was partly bc the other person felt like it was just like a friendship + some cuddling (and sex which I had pretended to enjoy until it got less and less frequent, also part of the break up lol). Like @frostboot says romantic and platonic attraction are really confusing for me atm. I do want to have someone to cuddle and be emotionally intimate with, but does it have to be romantic? A loyal best friend would do as well I think. Dating isn't for me either btw. Idk if it's me being a bit socially anxious or not though. I am sorry I have no answers, but I am glad we have a place here to talk about it

 

 

[Luna04]

I am definitely Ace. I know I am for sure on the Aro spectrum, but I haven't figured out where yet. It is somewhere between Demiromantic (Greyromantic), and full blown Aromantic. I often find myself wishing for a queerplatonic relationship, or a squish, but I am very introverted and don't think I will go looking for one any time soon. Also, I'm still in High School, so there is no rush for me. I think you might be like me, somewhere between Demiro and Aro. I don't get crushes on fictional characters but I do get all that stuff about romance in books and stuff. Its normal, dont worry. I like what @HonoraryJedi said, in that if you are AroAce, you don't really have to worry about it. I won't be worrying about where on the spectrum I am. If I get a crush, great! Demiromantic. If not. Great! Aro. :)