Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 My wife is asexual. Though for years I self identified as that, I'm not. I love her and am ok with who she is. I just need to know all the layers so I can work with her to be who she is. We do talk a lot but she still doesn't understand herself. That will take time. But I need to understand the thoughts and feelings. Please no matter where you fall in the spectrum feel free to open up Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Don't realy know what you want feedback on. Compromise in relationships? How we feel about things? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 2 minutes ago, Sithgroundhog said: Don't realy know what you want feedback on. Compromise in relationships? How we feel about things? How do you feel about your partners body. I feel very guilty for being aroused. I have never felt self conscious naked in front of people but do now in front of my wife Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, Switters said: How do you feel about your partners body. I feel very guilty for being aroused. I have never felt self conscious naked in front of people but do now in front of my wife Are you in a relationship with a sexual? How do YOU feel about those things? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 5 minutes ago, CBC said: That's a pretty broad request. Perhaps you should ask more specific questions? (Can't answer them myself, I'm not ace, but just saying.) Are you in a relationship with someone who is? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 1 minute ago, Switters said: Are you in a relationship with someone who is? My partner says she would be happy if I found a sexual outlet. I don't know if it is true or she is just trying to fit in. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 5 minutes ago, Switters said: How do you feel about your partners body. I feel very guilty for being aroused. I have never felt self conscious naked in front of people but do now in front of my wife My fiance is sexual, yes. We've been together for over half a decade. I see his body as just that: a body. I find female and male bodies basically equally appealing. There are different aesthetic qualities to both that are positive and negative. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, Switters said: My partner says she would be happy if I found a sexual outlet. I don't know if it is true or she is just trying to fit in. Hi. I just thought I'd help let you know that all asexuals are different: some might be okay with an arrangement like this, while other asexuals might not. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, Switters said: My partner says she would be happy if I found a sexual outlet. I don't know if it is true or she is just trying to fit in. That's a personal thing for her. Many mixed couples compromise in relationships, and for some that means the sexual partner finds sexual satisfaction outside of the relationship (or by incorporating someone else into the relationship). For asexuals who dislike sex to the extent of never wanting it and therefore find having sex themselves unreasonable and completely off the table, then asking their partner to find satisfaction elsewhere is a form of compromise. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, LeChat said: Hi. I just thought I'd help let you know that all asexuals are different: some might be okay with an arrangement like this, while other asexuals might not. Yeh. I figured as much. She is still coming to terms with it and for most of her life she just did what was expected. I know she just need space and time. I just really feel guilty for getting horny Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 4 minutes ago, Sithgroundhog said: My fiance is sexual, yes. We've been together for over half a decade. I see his body as just that: a body. I find female and male bodies basically equally appealing. There are different aesthetic qualities to both that are positive and negative. Wow. Thank you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 4 minutes ago, LeChat said: Hi. I just thought I'd help let you know that all asexuals are different: some might be okay with an arrangement like this, while other asexuals might not. Yes I'm very aware. My wife though isn't yet. No-one has stuck by her while she figures anything out. So I kind of need all voices in waiting for hers Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 3 minutes ago, Switters said: Yes I'm very aware. My wife though isn't yet. No-one has stuck by her while she figures anything out. So I kind of need all voices in waiting for hers I guess I need to know how to support her Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 10 minutes ago, LeChat said: Hi. I just thought I'd help let you know that all asexuals are different: some might be okay with an arrangement like this, while other asexuals might not. Did you feel the need to say something or behave in a certain way before you felt comfortable with who you are? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 5 minutes ago, CBC said: The best you can do is keep up open and honest communication with her. There's no one-size-fits-all way of navigating this situation. No judgements Tallulah Bankhead. But what keeps you here? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 10 minutes ago, Switters said: I guess I need to know how to support her Here's AVEN's FAQ, for friends, family, etc. https://www.asexuality.org/?q=family.html 8 minutes ago, Switters said: Did you feel the need to say something or behave in a certain way before you felt comfortable with who you are? Hmm...I'm trying to understand what you're asking...do you mean in a relationship? Some asexuals are aromantic, and, like me, haven't ever been in a relationship because it doesn't feel comfortable for us at all. But, if you mean not in a relationship, well, sure, I grew up feeling awkward and like I needed to fit in with others, trying to be "normal," like everyone else seemed to be, but this isn't unusual or something that only occurs for asexuals; everyone, no matter their sexual orientation, can go through feeling awkward and unsure of themselves, too. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, LeChat said: Here's AVEN's FAQ, for friends, family, etc. https://www.asexuality.org/?q=family.html Hmm...I'm trying to understand what you're asking...do you mean in a relationship? Some asexuals are aromantic, and, like me, haven't ever been in a relationship because it doesn't feel comfortable for us at all. But if you mean not in a relationship, well, sure, I grew up feeling awkward and like I needed to fit in with others, trying to be "normal," like everyone else seemed to be, but this isn't unusual or something that only occurs for asexuals; everyone, no matter their sexual orientation, can go through feeling awkward and unsure of themselves, too. We have such a desire to be the RIGHT person we forget who we are and try to become someone else. That is the same in any relationship. Sexual or otherwise. I guess i'm taking a poll Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 2 minutes ago, Switters said: We have such a desire to be the RIGHT person we forget who we are and try to become someone else. That is the same in any relationship. Sexual or otherwise. I guess i'm taking a poll You can actually do a poll if you'd like. Some asexuals try and be what society or their partners expect. Some of them think there's something wrong with them and thus they need to try and change. Others are 100% okay with how they are from the beginning and never force it or pretend. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, Sithgroundhog said: You can actually do a poll if you'd like. Some asexuals try and be what society or their partners expect. Some of them think there's something wrong with them and thus they need to try and change. Others are 100% okay with how they are from the beginning and never force it or pretend. Just in case you didn't know the polls thing was a joke. I just want to understand as much of the spectrum as possible Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, Switters said: Just in case you didn't know the polls thing was a joke. I just want to understand as much of the spectrum as possible Neither I nor my partner know where it will land Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 1 minute ago, CBC said: Multiple things. Sometimes I hope I have something valuable to offer other people who, like me, have either questioned their sexuality or been in a relationship with someone who's asexual. To be able to provide some perspective from the standpoint of a sexual person. I've been here a long time and it just feels like my online home. I met my current partner (who's also not asexual) here. Meaningful friendships with other members. Ta very much. Don't know what "The north" means so if you are American Thanks very much Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 @CBC is Canadian. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, Switters said: Ta very much. Don't know what "The north" means so if you are American Thanks very much How do you deal with your desires? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, LeChat said: @CBC is Canadian. Heh. Me too many moons ago Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 1 minute ago, CBC said: No, I'm not American. Not everyone on the internet is from the USA. The great white north eh? Me too but living in the southern hemisphere now Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 1 minute ago, Switters said: The great white north eh? Me too but living in the southern hemisphere now By the North I meant England😟 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LeChat Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 4 minutes ago, Switters said: Neither I nor my partner know where it will land If you're interested, AVEN has a specific forum--the "For Sexual Partners, Friends, and Allies Forum"--where sexual partners who are in relationships with an asexual partner post about how their relationships, compromises, etc., are going. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 Just now, LeChat said: If you're interested, AVEN has a specific forum--the "For Sexual Partners, Friends, and Allies Forum"--where sexual partners who are in relationships with an asexual partner post about how their relationships, compromises, etc., are going. Thank you for that. I'll check it out. Unfortunately I'm better suited to dealing with this than she is. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
SithLord Posted January 9, 2020 Share Posted January 9, 2020 28 minutes ago, CBC said: No, I'm not American. Not everyone on the internet is from the USA. 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Switters Posted January 9, 2020 Author Share Posted January 9, 2020 1 minute ago, CBC said: Ha!!!! What I wouldn't give for a little snowstorm. My new country is burning all over. And our Pm thinks coal is the future 1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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