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Jenamos

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Hello!

As you can see from my profile and as you probably assumed, I am new to this forum. Actually, I never knew this forum even existed until like... three days ago. Would have been really useful to know back when I was still questioning my sexuality!

 

So, I suppose I should start my actual introduction, yeah?

You can call me Jena, or anything you want really, I don't care. Just pls be gentle I have anxiety. Just kidding. Well, about the gentle part, not the anxiety. anYWAY, I'm panromantic asexual, and I've known this since around... 15 years old, I believe. I am now nearly 21, so I've passed the whole "uncertainty" part of my identity, thank the stars.

giphy.gif

 

I am a cis woman who uses she/her pronouns although there has been some debate about that in the past, ngl. I am studying at university to be a clinical psychologist, and I also write on the side. Primarily short-story fiction. Feel free to hmu anytime for any reason, because I love to talk... which I'm sure is about to become super apparent. If you're looking for brevity, well...

tenor.gif?itemid=14750526

 

Allow me to bore you with my asexuality story, if you have the time. I'll try to spice it up like a try-hard Buzzfeed article.

 

When I was young, and by that I mean entering that special age when you sweat through all your nice shirts and your face turns into a connect-the-dot (so I've heard but thankfully didn't really experience), I thought sexuality was just sort of a ~~ hyperbole~~ for comedic purposes, or to make the mundanity of life seem better through exaggeration. I made a lot of dirty jokes with my friends, and we all talked about sex quite often. Still, I never really... felt it. Any of it. In fact, imagining myself having sexual intercourse actually made me physically ill at that age. Don't get me wrong, I still found a lot of interest in sex. I just... never wanted to participate in any of it. But I still wanted to date people; still wanted to kiss them and hold their hand and whatnot, so I figured I was just some sort of late bloomer. That these urges would just hit me one day, or perhaps when I met "the right person" (ugh, what a haunting phrase that crap turned out to be!) it would all click. It was only once I was a freshman in high school that I realized that the people around me really were feeling the things we were talking about, and they weren't just exaggerating for effect (I actually asked my friend for confirmation). I was just genuinely missing out.

wNVvkwKg.png

 

"Missing out" seems like a cruel word, but not entirely inappropriate when you live in a sex-crazed world and only get to participate in it from certain angles.

 

Anyway, that moment of confirmation was when I started wondering if I was asexual. I had heard the term before, primarily online, and I had an acquaintance who had once identified themselves as ace. Unfortunately, I had a pretty false idea of what asexuality was. You see, I actually did experience some sexual feelings... but only when looking at pornographic content. Never in a self-insert way, but perhaps in a "deriving pleasure vicariously" type of way. I had never had the desire to have sex, nor to touch myself. But I was entirely fascinated with the idea, and enjoyed the emotional intimacy sex can hold for two people, and would enjoy that aspect vicariously. This is largely still descriptive of who I am today. I write smut. A lot. I have a sort of obsession with sex, but a complete disinterest in actually having it. I am not sex-repulsed like I was when I was 14, but I'm just... apathetic. Now, of course, I know those things don't take away my asexuality, but at age 14, my idea of asexuality was just... "you don't like sex, like at all, ever" and assumed that the label wasn't a fit for me due to my interests.

giphy.gif

 

But I could never find the "right" label. Eventually, I just stopped looking for one. While it was somewhat upsetting to not have something that felt like a good summary of my desires (or lack thereof), it was easier to just say "I don't really want that" instead of giving myself a headache worrying over particulars. It didn't really help that my friends didn't believe me when I said I thought I was ace. One of my closest friends could't seem to wrap his head around the idea that I could like sex as a concept and enjoy it through others, but that I didn't want to engage in it myself. I can't say I blame him: as an asexual, there are things I simply cannot empathize with about allosexualities. Because it's hard to wrap your head around the absence of something when you're so used to that thing being there, and it's hard to imagine something you have never experienced. That's just how it goes.

My life my life in 2 sentences_87f37f_53

 

So, it wasn't until I was around 15 that I magically stumbled upon an article about asexuality, which I believe was shared by Lizzy the Lezzy on Facebook for some ace pride, that really expanded the definition of asexuality to me. If I had the link I would provide it, but I don't. You can find very similar ones to what I looked at just by searching up things like "why some asexuals masturbate." It made me realize that asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, it does not necessarily mean you are wholly repulsed or have no interest in sexual things at all. You might even engage in sexual acts for whatever physical or psychological pleasure you derive from it. It's just a matter of lacking sexual attraction.

giphy.gif

 

Upon receiving this information, I felt a weight immediately lift from my shoulders. It all just... clicked. And later, when I was around 16 or 17, I learned of the romantic spectrum. Admittedly, that wasn't too big of a deal for me because I had already assumed a romantic identity for myself to explain my attraction people. It was nice to see, however.

 

Of course, accepting my asexuality has been half the battle. I've had my fair share of "you'll find the right person," "okay, but you aren't discriminated against as much as the rest of us are," "maybe it's just trauma," "maybe you have a medical issue," "that's just a preference," etc, etc. I'm sure most of you know how it goes. Fortunately for me, most everyone I know has been accepting, and a lot of those comments are more just them trying to be helpful, as misguided as their attempts are. My identity as an ace person was never something I really valued until recently. It was just sort of a descriptor, but I never saw any "ace pride" posts (or even just another ace person, tbh) to incite any kind of pride in the label. It was actually rather lonely, and to a degree, it still is. Only now that I've joined an LGBT+ organization at my university have I met other ace people (because we don't exclude the A in the acronym in this house, bb). I never knew another ace person (although a friend of mine recently came out to me as hesitantly-demisexual) and dating has been incredibly hard. I.e., I have never dated. Because everyone always wants sex. And all of the people I've ever been attracted to are allosexuals, and I knew that eventually that time would come and things would most probably end and I would have wasted all that time.

 

I was starting to think that maybe I was going to be rather alone in this, but recently I've noticed a sudden insurgence in asexual pride content, primarily noticeable on things like Tik Tok, and it seems more and more people are learning about asexuality and realizing how fitting the label is for them. Which makes me quite happy to see. I'm glad to see people noticing us more, and that we have more of a voice nowadays. Especially as I've become more aware of just how awful asexual representation is. I mean, come on, is our sexuality only going to be used to make characters more "inhuman?" Please say sike rn. Don't even get me started on that episode of House!

 

So I think that's it? Or as much as I have to say right now. As I said, feel free to message me about whatever and whenever. I would love to finally meet some other aces. Unless I'm busy in class or in the lab, I should be able to get back to you rather quickly! ❤️ And just remember that if anyone tries to make you feel bad about your asexuality 

source.gif

 

P.S., I recently learned of our love of cake, so I feel obligated to say that my favorite type of cake is probably carrot cake.

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20 minutes ago, Jenamos said:

Hello!

As you can see from my profile and as you probably assumed, I am new to this forum. Actually, I never knew this forum even existed until like... three days ago. Would have been really useful to know back when I was still questioning my sexuality!

 

So, I suppose I should start my actual introduction, yeah?

You can call me Jena, or anything you want really, I don't care. Just pls be gentle I have anxiety. Just kidding. Well, about the gentle part, not the anxiety. anYWAY, I'm panromantic asexual, and I've known this since around... 15 years old, I believe. I am now nearly 21, so I've passed the whole "uncertainty" part of my identity, thank the stars.

giphy.gif

 

I am a cis woman who uses she/her pronouns although there has been some debate about that in the past, ngl. I am studying at university to be a clinical psychologist, and I also write on the side. Primarily short-story fiction. Feel free to hmu anytime for any reason, because I love to talk... which I'm sure is about to become super apparent. If you're looking for brevity, well...

tenor.gif?itemid=14750526

 

Allow me to bore you with my asexuality story, if you have the time. I'll try to spice it up like a try-hard Buzzfeed article.

 

When I was young, and by that I mean entering that special age when you sweat through all your nice shirts and your face turns into a connect-the-dot (so I've heard but thankfully didn't really experience), I thought sexuality was just sort of a ~~ hyperbole~~ for comedic purposes, or to make the mundanity of life seem better through exaggeration. I made a lot of dirty jokes with my friends, and we all talked about sex quite often. Still, I never really... felt it. Any of it. In fact, imagining myself having sexual intercourse actually made me physically ill at that age. Don't get me wrong, I still found a lot of interest in sex. I just... never wanted to participate in any of it. But I still wanted to date people; still wanted to kiss them and hold their hand and whatnot, so I figured I was just some sort of late bloomer. That these urges would just hit me one day, or perhaps when I met "the right person" (ugh, what a haunting phrase that crap turned out to be!) it would all click. It was only once I was a freshman in high school and realized that the people around me really were feeling the things we were talking about, and they weren't just exaggerating for effect (I actually asked my friend for confirmation). I was just genuinely missing out.

wNVvkwKg.png

 

"Missing out" seems like a cruel word, but not entirely inappropriate when you live in a sex-crazed world and only get to participate in it from certain angles.

 

Anyway, that moment of confirmation was when I started wondering if I was asexual. I had heard the term before, primarily online, and I had an acquaintance who had once identified themselves as ace. Unfortunately, I had a pretty false idea of what asexuality was. You see, I actually did experience some sexual feelings... but only when looking at pornographic content. Never in a self-insert way, but perhaps in a "deriving pleasure vicariously" type of way. I had never had the desire to have sex, nor to touch myself. But I was entirely fascinated with the idea, and enjoyed the emotional intimacy sex can hold for two people, and would enjoy that aspect vicariously. This is largely still descriptive of who I am today. I write smut. A lot. I have a sort of obsession with sex, but a complete disinterest in actually having it. I am not sex-repulsed like I was when I was 14, but I'm just... apathetic. Now, of course, I know those things don't take away my asexuality, but at age 14, my idea of asexuality was just... "you don't like sex, like at all, ever" and assumed that the label wasn't a fit for me due to my interests.

giphy.gif

 

But I could never find the "right" label. Eventually, I just stopped looking for one. While it was somewhat upsetting to not have something that felt like a good summary of my desires (or lack thereof), it was easier to just say "I don't really want that" instead of giving myself a headache worrying over particulars. It didn't really help that my friends didn't believe me when I said I thought I was ace. One of my closest friends could't seem to wrap his head around the idea that I could like sex as a concept and enjoy it through others, but that I didn't want to engage in it myself. I can't say I blame him: as an asexual, there are things I simply cannot empathize with about allosexualities. Because it's hard to wrap your head around the absence of something when you're so used to that thing being there, and it's hard to imagine something you have never experienced. That's just how it goes.

My+life+my+life+in+2+sentences_87f37f_5340768.png

 

So, it wasn't until I was around 15 that I magically stumbled upon an article about asexuality, which I believe was shared by Lizzy the Lezzy on Facebook for some ace pride, that really expanded the definition of asexuality to me. If I had the link I would provide it, but I don't. You can find very similar ones to what I looked at just by searching up things like "why some asexuals masturbate." It made me realize that asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, it does not necessarily mean you are wholly repulsed or have no interest in sexual things at all. You might even engage in sexual acts for whatever physical or psychological pleasure you derive from it. It's just a matter of lacking sexual attraction.

giphy.gif

 

Upon receiving this information, I felt a weight immediately lift from my shoulders. It all just... clicked. And later, when I was around 16 or 17, I learned of the romantic spectrum. Admittedly, that wasn't too big of a deal for me because I had already assumed a romantic identity for myself to explain my attraction people. It was nice to see, however.

 

Of course, accepting my asexuality has been half the battle. I've had my fair share of "you'll find the right person," "okay, but you aren't discriminated against as much as the rest of us are," "maybe it's just trauma," "maybe you have a medical issue," "that's just a preference," etc, etc. I'm sure most of you know how it goes. Fortunately for me, most everyone I know has been accepting, and a lot of those comments are more just them trying to be helpful, as misguided as their attempts are. My identity as an ace person was never something I really valued until recently. It was just sort of a descriptor, but I never saw any "ace pride" posts (or even just another ace person, tbh) to incite any kind of pride in the label. It was actually rather lonely, and to a degree, it still is. Only now that I've joined an LGBT+ organization at my university have I met other ace people (because we don't exclude the A in the acronym in this house, bb). I never knew another ace person (although a friend of mine recently came out to me as hesitantly-demisexual) and dating has been incredibly hard. I.e., I have never dated. Because everyone always wants sex. And all of the people I've ever been attracted to are allosexuals, and I knew that eventually that time would come and things would most probably end and I would have wasted all that time.

 

I was starting to think that maybe I was going to be rather alone in this, but recently I've noticed a sudden insurgence in asexual pride content, primarily noticeable on things like Tik Tok, and it seems more and more people are learning about asexuality and realizing how fitting the label is for them. Which makes me quite happy to see. I'm glad to see people noticing us more, and that we have more of a voice nowadays. Especially as I've become more aware of just how awful asexual representation is. I mean, come on, is our sexuality only going to be used to make characters more "inhuman?" Please say sike rn. Don't even get me started on that episode of House!

 

So I think that's it? Or as much as I have to say right now. As I said, feel free to message me about whatever and whenever. I would love to finally meet some other aces. Unless I'm busy in class or in the lab, I should be able to get back to you rather quickly! ❤️ And just remember that if anyone tries to make you feel bad about your asexuality 

source.gif

 

P.S., I recently learned of our love of cake, so I feel obligated to say that my favorite type of cake is probably carrot cake.

Me too I have anxiety so I hope I get the balance right. I'm 45 so please forgive my language. My wife is asexual. Something we found out after getting together. 4 years later. I lived my life in a world where people could be whoever they were. We had no titles. Those a boxes that exclude traits in us. Titles limit us. We should just be us. If you fall close to the border of asexual, accept it. Learn about yourself and be open. Had my wife told me at the start I would have done the exact same thing. Had she told me at the start I would have loved her more. We need to learn how to be ourselves. 

 

Be you. Be proud. Be honest it will save you a lot of pain.

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Oh yes, I am completely accepting of my sexuality at this point. Fortunately, I've never had an episode of shame or anything. My journey of self-discovery laid more in the "am I allowed to call myself this?" territory. I wholeheartedly agree that labels can be limiting, but I personally am glad to have a word for it. I think a lot of people find comfort in having a word for whatever they are feeling/whatever they identify as because it makes those things seem valid, and for a lot of people, it offers clarity on what they are experiencing. It also is a great help to have a word to sum up your identity so that you can explain yourself to people more easily. Although, I must admit, I probably have to spend more time explaining what "asexual" means than if I just chose to say "I'm not really interested in sex," lol.

 

I'm glad your wife had that lovely moment of realization, and I'm glad your relationship has worked out so well!

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35 minutes ago, Jenamos said:

Hello!

As you can see from my profile and as you probably assumed, I am new to this forum. Actually, I never knew this forum even existed until like... three days ago. Would have been really useful to know back when I was still questioning my sexuality!

 

So, I suppose I should start my actual introduction, yeah?

You can call me Jena, or anything you want really, I don't care. Just pls be gentle I have anxiety. Just kidding. Well, about the gentle part, not the anxiety. anYWAY, I'm panromantic asexual, and I've known this since around... 15 years old, I believe. I am now nearly 21, so I've passed the whole "uncertainty" part of my identity, thank the stars.

giphy.gif

 

I am a cis woman who uses she/her pronouns although there has been some debate about that in the past, ngl. I am studying at university to be a clinical psychologist, and I also write on the side. Primarily short-story fiction. Feel free to hmu anytime for any reason, because I love to talk... which I'm sure is about to become super apparent. If you're looking for brevity, well...

tenor.gif?itemid=14750526

 

Allow me to bore you with my asexuality story, if you have the time. I'll try to spice it up like a try-hard Buzzfeed article.

 

When I was young, and by that I mean entering that special age when you sweat through all your nice shirts and your face turns into a connect-the-dot (so I've heard but thankfully didn't really experience), I thought sexuality was just sort of a ~~ hyperbole~~ for comedic purposes, or to make the mundanity of life seem better through exaggeration. I made a lot of dirty jokes with my friends, and we all talked about sex quite often. Still, I never really... felt it. Any of it. In fact, imagining myself having sexual intercourse actually made me physically ill at that age. Don't get me wrong, I still found a lot of interest in sex. I just... never wanted to participate in any of it. But I still wanted to date people; still wanted to kiss them and hold their hand and whatnot, so I figured I was just some sort of late bloomer. That these urges would just hit me one day, or perhaps when I met "the right person" (ugh, what a haunting phrase that crap turned out to be!) it would all click. It was only once I was a freshman in high school and realized that the people around me really were feeling the things we were talking about, and they weren't just exaggerating for effect (I actually asked my friend for confirmation). I was just genuinely missing out.

wNVvkwKg.png

 

"Missing out" seems like a cruel word, but not entirely inappropriate when you live in a sex-crazed world and only get to participate in it from certain angles.

 

Anyway, that moment of confirmation was when I started wondering if I was asexual. I had heard the term before, primarily online, and I had an acquaintance who had once identified themselves as ace. Unfortunately, I had a pretty false idea of what asexuality was. You see, I actually did experience some sexual feelings... but only when looking at pornographic content. Never in a self-insert way, but perhaps in a "deriving pleasure vicariously" type of way. I had never had the desire to have sex, nor to touch myself. But I was entirely fascinated with the idea, and enjoyed the emotional intimacy sex can hold for two people, and would enjoy that aspect vicariously. This is largely still descriptive of who I am today. I write smut. A lot. I have a sort of obsession with sex, but a complete disinterest in actually having it. I am not sex-repulsed like I was when I was 14, but I'm just... apathetic. Now, of course, I know those things don't take away my asexuality, but at age 14, my idea of asexuality was just... "you don't like sex, like at all, ever" and assumed that the label wasn't a fit for me due to my interests.

giphy.gif

 

But I could never find the "right" label. Eventually, I just stopped looking for one. While it was somewhat upsetting to not have something that felt like a good summary of my desires (or lack thereof), it was easier to just say "I don't really want that" instead of giving myself a headache worrying over particulars. It didn't really help that my friends didn't believe me when I said I thought I was ace. One of my closest friends could't seem to wrap his head around the idea that I could like sex as a concept and enjoy it through others, but that I didn't want to engage in it myself. I can't say I blame him: as an asexual, there are things I simply cannot empathize with about allosexualities. Because it's hard to wrap your head around the absence of something when you're so used to that thing being there, and it's hard to imagine something you have never experienced. That's just how it goes.

My+life+my+life+in+2+sentences_87f37f_5340768.png

 

So, it wasn't until I was around 15 that I magically stumbled upon an article about asexuality, which I believe was shared by Lizzy the Lezzy on Facebook for some ace pride, that really expanded the definition of asexuality to me. If I had the link I would provide it, but I don't. You can find very similar ones to what I looked at just by searching up things like "why some asexuals masturbate." It made me realize that asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, it does not necessarily mean you are wholly repulsed or have no interest in sexual things at all. You might even engage in sexual acts for whatever physical or psychological pleasure you derive from it. It's just a matter of lacking sexual attraction.

giphy.gif

 

Upon receiving this information, I felt a weight immediately lift from my shoulders. It all just... clicked. And later, when I was around 16 or 17, I learned of the romantic spectrum. Admittedly, that wasn't too big of a deal for me because I had already assumed a romantic identity for myself to explain my attraction people. It was nice to see, however.

 

Of course, accepting my asexuality has been half the battle. I've had my fair share of "you'll find the right person," "okay, but you aren't discriminated against as much as the rest of us are," "maybe it's just trauma," "maybe you have a medical issue," "that's just a preference," etc, etc. I'm sure most of you know how it goes. Fortunately for me, most everyone I know has been accepting, and a lot of those comments are more just them trying to be helpful, as misguided as their attempts are. My identity as an ace person was never something I really valued until recently. It was just sort of a descriptor, but I never saw any "ace pride" posts (or even just another ace person, tbh) to incite any kind of pride in the label. It was actually rather lonely, and to a degree, it still is. Only now that I've joined an LGBT+ organization at my university have I met other ace people (because we don't exclude the A in the acronym in this house, bb). I never knew another ace person (although a friend of mine recently came out to me as hesitantly-demisexual) and dating has been incredibly hard. I.e., I have never dated. Because everyone always wants sex. And all of the people I've ever been attracted to are allosexuals, and I knew that eventually that time would come and things would most probably end and I would have wasted all that time.

 

I was starting to think that maybe I was going to be rather alone in this, but recently I've noticed a sudden insurgence in asexual pride content, primarily noticeable on things like Tik Tok, and it seems more and more people are learning about asexuality and realizing how fitting the label is for them. Which makes me quite happy to see. I'm glad to see people noticing us more, and that we have more of a voice nowadays. Especially as I've become more aware of just how awful asexual representation is. I mean, come on, is our sexuality only going to be used to make characters more "inhuman?" Please say sike rn. Don't even get me started on that episode of House!

 

So I think that's it? Or as much as I have to say right now. As I said, feel free to message me about whatever and whenever. I would love to finally meet some other aces. Unless I'm busy in class or in the lab, I should be able to get back to you rather quickly! ❤️ And just remember that if anyone tries to make you feel bad about your asexuality 

source.gif

 

P.S., I recently learned of our love of cake, so I feel obligated to say that my favorite type of cake is probably carrot cake.

Me too I have anxiety so I hope I get the balance right. I'm 45 so please forgive my language. My wife is asexual. Something we found out after getting together. 4 years later. I lived my life in a world where people could be whoever they were. We had no titles. Those a boxes that exclude traits in us. Titles limit us. We should just be us. If you fall close to the border of asexual, accept it. Learn about yourself and be open. Had my wife told me at the start I would have done the exact same thing. Had she told me at the start I would have loved her more. We need to learn how to be ourselves. 

 

Be you. Be proud. Be honest it will save you a lot of pain.

41 minutes ago, Jenamos said:

Hello!

As you can see from my profile and as you probably assumed, I am new to this forum. Actually, I never knew this forum even existed until like... three days ago. Would have been really useful to know back when I was still questioning my sexuality!

 

So, I suppose I should start my actual introduction, yeah?

You can call me Jena, or anything you want really, I don't care. Just pls be gentle I have anxiety. Just kidding. Well, about the gentle part, not the anxiety. anYWAY, I'm panromantic asexual, and I've known this since around... 15 years old, I believe. I am now nearly 21, so I've passed the whole "uncertainty" part of my identity, thank the stars.

giphy.gif

 

I am a cis woman who uses she/her pronouns although there has been some debate about that in the past, ngl. I am studying at university to be a clinical psychologist, and I also write on the side. Primarily short-story fiction. Feel free to hmu anytime for any reason, because I love to talk... which I'm sure is about to become super apparent. If you're looking for brevity, well...

tenor.gif?itemid=14750526

 

Allow me to bore you with my asexuality story, if you have the time. I'll try to spice it up like a try-hard Buzzfeed article.

 

When I was young, and by that I mean entering that special age when you sweat through all your nice shirts and your face turns into a connect-the-dot (so I've heard but thankfully didn't really experience), I thought sexuality was just sort of a ~~ hyperbole~~ for comedic purposes, or to make the mundanity of life seem better through exaggeration. I made a lot of dirty jokes with my friends, and we all talked about sex quite often. Still, I never really... felt it. Any of it. In fact, imagining myself having sexual intercourse actually made me physically ill at that age. Don't get me wrong, I still found a lot of interest in sex. I just... never wanted to participate in any of it. But I still wanted to date people; still wanted to kiss them and hold their hand and whatnot, so I figured I was just some sort of late bloomer. That these urges would just hit me one day, or perhaps when I met "the right person" (ugh, what a haunting phrase that crap turned out to be!) it would all click. It was only once I was a freshman in high school and realized that the people around me really were feeling the things we were talking about, and they weren't just exaggerating for effect (I actually asked my friend for confirmation). I was just genuinely missing out.

wNVvkwKg.png

 

"Missing out" seems like a cruel word, but not entirely inappropriate when you live in a sex-crazed world and only get to participate in it from certain angles.

 

Anyway, that moment of confirmation was when I started wondering if I was asexual. I had heard the term before, primarily online, and I had an acquaintance who had once identified themselves as ace. Unfortunately, I had a pretty false idea of what asexuality was. You see, I actually did experience some sexual feelings... but only when looking at pornographic content. Never in a self-insert way, but perhaps in a "deriving pleasure vicariously" type of way. I had never had the desire to have sex, nor to touch myself. But I was entirely fascinated with the idea, and enjoyed the emotional intimacy sex can hold for two people, and would enjoy that aspect vicariously. This is largely still descriptive of who I am today. I write smut. A lot. I have a sort of obsession with sex, but a complete disinterest in actually having it. I am not sex-repulsed like I was when I was 14, but I'm just... apathetic. Now, of course, I know those things don't take away my asexuality, but at age 14, my idea of asexuality was just... "you don't like sex, like at all, ever" and assumed that the label wasn't a fit for me due to my interests.

giphy.gif

 

But I could never find the "right" label. Eventually, I just stopped looking for one. While it was somewhat upsetting to not have something that felt like a good summary of my desires (or lack thereof), it was easier to just say "I don't really want that" instead of giving myself a headache worrying over particulars. It didn't really help that my friends didn't believe me when I said I thought I was ace. One of my closest friends could't seem to wrap his head around the idea that I could like sex as a concept and enjoy it through others, but that I didn't want to engage in it myself. I can't say I blame him: as an asexual, there are things I simply cannot empathize with about allosexualities. Because it's hard to wrap your head around the absence of something when you're so used to that thing being there, and it's hard to imagine something you have never experienced. That's just how it goes.

My+life+my+life+in+2+sentences_87f37f_5340768.png

 

So, it wasn't until I was around 15 that I magically stumbled upon an article about asexuality, which I believe was shared by Lizzy the Lezzy on Facebook for some ace pride, that really expanded the definition of asexuality to me. If I had the link I would provide it, but I don't. You can find very similar ones to what I looked at just by searching up things like "why some asexuals masturbate." It made me realize that asexuality is a lack of sexual attraction, it does not necessarily mean you are wholly repulsed or have no interest in sexual things at all. You might even engage in sexual acts for whatever physical or psychological pleasure you derive from it. It's just a matter of lacking sexual attraction.

giphy.gif

 

Upon receiving this information, I felt a weight immediately lift from my shoulders. It all just... clicked. And later, when I was around 16 or 17, I learned of the romantic spectrum. Admittedly, that wasn't too big of a deal for me because I had already assumed a romantic identity for myself to explain my attraction people. It was nice to see, however.

 

Of course, accepting my asexuality has been half the battle. I've had my fair share of "you'll find the right person," "okay, but you aren't discriminated against as much as the rest of us are," "maybe it's just trauma," "maybe you have a medical issue," "that's just a preference," etc, etc. I'm sure most of you know how it goes. Fortunately for me, most everyone I know has been accepting, and a lot of those comments are more just them trying to be helpful, as misguided as their attempts are. My identity as an ace person was never something I really valued until recently. It was just sort of a descriptor, but I never saw any "ace pride" posts (or even just another ace person, tbh) to incite any kind of pride in the label. It was actually rather lonely, and to a degree, it still is. Only now that I've joined an LGBT+ organization at my university have I met other ace people (because we don't exclude the A in the acronym in this house, bb). I never knew another ace person (although a friend of mine recently came out to me as hesitantly-demisexual) and dating has been incredibly hard. I.e., I have never dated. Because everyone always wants sex. And all of the people I've ever been attracted to are allosexuals, and I knew that eventually that time would come and things would most probably end and I would have wasted all that time.

 

I was starting to think that maybe I was going to be rather alone in this, but recently I've noticed a sudden insurgence in asexual pride content, primarily noticeable on things like Tik Tok, and it seems more and more people are learning about asexuality and realizing how fitting the label is for them. Which makes me quite happy to see. I'm glad to see people noticing us more, and that we have more of a voice nowadays. Especially as I've become more aware of just how awful asexual representation is. I mean, come on, is our sexuality only going to be used to make characters more "inhuman?" Please say sike rn. Don't even get me started on that episode of House!

 

So I think that's it? Or as much as I have to say right now. As I said, feel free to message me about whatever and whenever. I would love to finally meet some other aces. Unless I'm busy in class or in the lab, I should be able to get back to you rather quickly! ❤️ And just remember that if anyone tries to make you feel bad about your asexuality 

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P.S., I recently learned of our love of cake, so I feel obligated to say that my favorite type of cake is probably carrot cake.

We are still working. A relationship is just that. Just don't get yourself stuck in a situation where you have to be anyone other than you are. I've spoken a lot with my wife. She kept getting stuck in situations trying to be the "typical" woman. It took me like 35 years to just not give a shit. Life is getting better. Start early

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17 minutes ago, Switters said:

Me too I have anxiety so I hope I get the balance right. I'm 45 so please forgive my language. My wife is asexual. Something we found out after getting together. 4 years later. I lived my life in a world where people could be whoever they were. We had no titles. Those a boxes that exclude traits in us. Titles limit us. We should just be us. If you fall close to the border of asexual, accept it. Learn about yourself and be open. Had my wife told me at the start I would have done the exact same thing. Had she told me at the start I would have loved her more. We need to learn how to be ourselves. 

 

Be you. Be proud. Be honest it will save you a lot of pain.

We are still working. A relationship is just that. Just don't get yourself stuck in a situation where you have to be anyone other than you are. I've spoken a lot with my wife. She kept getting stuck in situations trying to be the "typical" woman. It took me like 35 years to just not give a shit. Life is getting better. Start early

I hate to be one of those people who say you will understand when you are older. But a lot of what people said in the same context came true. To be honest. Your 20's are now like your teens. I cannot imagine all the labels I'd need now. Your 20's are when you start to CREATE yourself for the rest of your life. We bind ourselves into who we SHOULD be. I still don't fit in. But I'm ok with that. Y'all just gotta keep talking. 

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2 minutes ago, Switters said:

I hate to be one of those people who say you will understand when you are older. But a lot of what people said in the same context came true. To be honest. Your 20's are now like your teens. I cannot imagine all the labels I'd need now. Your 20's are when you start to CREATE yourself for the rest of your life. We bind ourselves into who we SHOULD be. I still don't fit in. But I'm ok with that. Y'all just gotta keep talking. 

 

2 minutes ago, Switters said:

I hate to be one of those people who say you will understand when you are older. But a lot of what people said in the same context came true. To be honest. Your 20's are now like your teens. I cannot imagine all the labels I'd need now. Your 20's are when you start to CREATE yourself for the rest of your life. We bind ourselves into who we SHOULD be. I still don't fit in. But I'm ok with that. Y'all just gotta keep talking. 

Also figure out where you are coming from. And understand the others position. We do have to meet half way

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Welcome! Ooh I love all the gifs, I think I recognise a bunch of the fandoms they’re from too :0 

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My inner Buzzfeed-journalist-on-a-caffeine-crash came out for the sake of shaking things up. I'm glad someone recognizes some of them! I believe in order they should be Gotham, Good Omens, Fallout, Hannibal Buress, Merlin, and Hannibal. Ironically, Oswald Cobblepot (Gotham) and Aziraphale (Good Omens) are both arguably panromantic asexual, so I suppose it's extra fitting!

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